jsjam

My son has been gone since Friday. He was told the last time 2 weeks ago if he left again he couldn't come home. My husband has in the past given for me. This time I knew I had to stick by him. Partly that came from the help of all of you. I am really trying to listen to what I have learned from you here. Good advice from people that have been where I am. I appreciate all of you!

My son called tonite and asked me to come pick him up. He said he was tired of all of this. I had talked to him a few days ago and he asked if his Dad hated him, I told him no, that he was just done. So he has been staying in some bad places. He said he didn't want to go back to any of them. He said he was done with this kind of life, he also said he knew he had said that many of times before.

I told him he could come home for awhile but he couldn't stay. He said that was fine, so I picked him up. He came and his Dad and I talked to him about getting him help. He and his Dad have always had problems. My husband was raised in a family with not much affection and never told each other they loved each other. My son has the hardest time facing his Dad. He broke down and really told his Dad he never plans on leaving when he does, and tries hard not to. They talked and My husband told him he loved him. I was proud of him!

Then we talked about getting help, didn't harp on him, no yelling, just gave him some options. I explained that it hasn't worked with him living her, so we need to find him a place where he could maybe succeed. We told him about Teen chalenge, Dream Center, or Oxford Houses. (Any other suggestions?) He said Oxford House. We told him that we would help get in the Oxford house and then he needed to get a job so he can make it on his own. With his felonies he has had a lot of turn downs. Sometimes I think he would do better out of our town, but we have no where he could go.

I don't know if this the right thing, but this is a start. AND this feels good to have some place besides here that will be safe. And, I am admitting that I can't help him! I told him this! It feels like a big step to me. He says he wants to go there. But that is tonite, He is still coming down. His drug of choice is Meth. Hopefully he will still be willing to go when he sobers up. If not he will have to leave. I have to stick with this.

So what do you think, does this sound right? Let me know and thanks for all your help and caring words!!

rahsue

damn skippy that sounds right. the only suggestion oops noTHE ONLY OPINION I would have is to get him in oxford or some other place even if its just for detox before he comes down. I don't really know about oxford houses I guess its a well known place because I hear it alot on this site. but when he comes down he might bolt. well thats just my opinion
but I think you handled things just great, its all about doing what feels right isn't it?

dollydo

Spounds like you have a plan, this is good.

I really don't know about what you will be faced with when he finally detox's.
Meth is no easy drug to let go of.

I pray he has reached his bottom and will get into a program.

Ann

I also had to ask my son to leave, for the umpteenth time because living at home was unhealthy for him and for us.

My son chose the street, found his own way to detox and program, lived clean for almost a year and then went out again and I have not heard from him for almost 3 years. I know he is in God's hands and that I cannot make his journey any easier.

He knows we love him, he knows where help is when he is ready and he alone must make the choice of how he will live his life.

I guess what I am trying to say is that whatever you choose will not change the outcome for him. He will be ready or he just isn't done yet. What matters for you and your husband is how long you are willing to live in his addiction, and when you are ready to begin living in your own recovery. We cannot live both places at the same time and one choice we own (the choice for our own recovery) and the other choice (his addiction) is not ours to own.

My prayers go out for all of you because I know how hard and heartbreaking this is.

Hugs

teke

i think that this is a good thing that you all are doing, if he wants to go, then he will go whenever its time to go, if he's not ready, nothing you can do will make him ready, not even detox, but you will never know. i that if he says that he's tired and know that you will make him leave you, then he may just want to go seriously. now is the time for you to go full force at working on you. just be prepared to stick to your boundaries. like they say, expect the worse and hope for the best so you won't be disappointed

bookmiser

((((Jsjam))))

Sending prayers to you and your husband, dear lady.
I know, you are doing what you can to help.
I only pray that he is serious and has hit his bottom.
My son has called me numerous times, insisting that he's done
with "it" and wants to break free and start over.
Only to turn around the next day and act as those the conversation
never took place. He was just having a bad night.
I'll pray that your son truly wants the help and wants to quit.
Your handling it well. As if you've been in recovery for a long time.
Good for you. I know how hard it is.
Keep the faith and let us know how it turns out.

wheretobegin

Whatever it takes...he is your son. I will be praying for you.

BigSis

The Oxford houses here have a requirement of 30 days clean. My son followed that requirement. My daughter did not. But, she was willing to lie and pray that the drug test they gave her on entry did not show her use... it did not, and she got in... and even for the short time she was there, she learned some lessons and did some growing.

I wish you the best - you and your husband sound like you are on the right track!