Did not react, but it still hurts..
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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Did not react, but it still hurts..
Today, my attorney called and said that they had received a letter from his attorney and they wanted to share it with me. They faxed a copy over. I am in such a state of disbelief again. I am so hurt.
The way he sees things and what he is accusing me of is so hurtful. I loved this man. I truly did. A part of me still does. I do not understand his hatred towards me. I tried, I really did. I wasn't perfect, but in every decision I made I was always thinking of my family. I just wanted us to be happy, thats all. I just wanted him to stop drinking, forever. I would have done anything. I would have bought a million dollar estate that we could not afford, just to make him happy and for him to stop drinking.
He is working with the fraud dept. of his credit card and investigating all charges made on his credit card. What next is he going to have me arrested? I can't believe this is happening. What has made him so bitter, so angry? and why do I continue to question my motives, and why am I actually believing what he is saying is true? Does it ever end? I'm so sad.
I didn't react. I did not call him and scream, yell and cry. I am proud of myself for this. It still hurts.
The way he sees things and what he is accusing me of is so hurtful. I loved this man. I truly did. A part of me still does. I do not understand his hatred towards me. I tried, I really did. I wasn't perfect, but in every decision I made I was always thinking of my family. I just wanted us to be happy, thats all. I just wanted him to stop drinking, forever. I would have done anything. I would have bought a million dollar estate that we could not afford, just to make him happy and for him to stop drinking.
He is working with the fraud dept. of his credit card and investigating all charges made on his credit card. What next is he going to have me arrested? I can't believe this is happening. What has made him so bitter, so angry? and why do I continue to question my motives, and why am I actually believing what he is saying is true? Does it ever end? I'm so sad.
I didn't react. I did not call him and scream, yell and cry. I am proud of myself for this. It still hurts.
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
Dont fall for his laim tactics hun.....this just proves that you hit his button..and hard...
Stay the course - he's trying to hurt you back...
The courts are aware of tactics like this it isnt the first time they have seen this kind of behavior....I wouldnt worry if I were you. What did your attorney have to say about it?
Stay the course - he's trying to hurt you back...
The courts are aware of tactics like this it isnt the first time they have seen this kind of behavior....I wouldnt worry if I were you. What did your attorney have to say about it?
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Happy with me !
Posts: 680
Janit is right, you hit his buttons hard, and he didn't like it, so he is trying to get back at you. The courts see people like him everyday.
Breathe in, Breathe out.......it's gonna be okay. Good prevails !
Breathe in, Breathe out.......it's gonna be okay. Good prevails !
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Blacksburg, VA
Posts: 191
indeed...it says in the alanon lit that the alcoholic uses two weapons..
anger and anxiety
to hurt others. The legal attack is causing the anxiety he hopes to fuel.
But your LACK of reaction just makes him more nuts, so GOOD ON YOU for doing the right thing.
That high road your walking sure is beautiful. Keep walking it.
anger and anxiety
to hurt others. The legal attack is causing the anxiety he hopes to fuel.
But your LACK of reaction just makes him more nuts, so GOOD ON YOU for doing the right thing.
That high road your walking sure is beautiful. Keep walking it.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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Posts: 163
Janit when I called my attorney screaming, cursing and crying. He calmed me down, he actually made me laugh and told me not to worry. I trust him. He's a good person.
Nudawn, yes he is a drunk, yes, still drinking. If the courts have seen this before why would his lawyer play this card? Why would they attack me? I am hoping I will not have to stoop to this level. I just need to protect my kids. The mama bear gets very angry when her cubs are in danger. I just don't get it. I have not told my attorney things, as I don't want to be that vindictive meanspirited person. I don't want to hurt anyone, I just want to move on. Maybe, I need to take my boxing gloves out of the closet. I just do not have the energy. I don't want to hurt him. I just want to be left alone.
Nudawn, yes he is a drunk, yes, still drinking. If the courts have seen this before why would his lawyer play this card? Why would they attack me? I am hoping I will not have to stoop to this level. I just need to protect my kids. The mama bear gets very angry when her cubs are in danger. I just don't get it. I have not told my attorney things, as I don't want to be that vindictive meanspirited person. I don't want to hurt anyone, I just want to move on. Maybe, I need to take my boxing gloves out of the closet. I just do not have the energy. I don't want to hurt him. I just want to be left alone.
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Lilac, yeah buttons pushed, definatly. I am breathing.. in through the nose out through the mouth..
BGP, the high road is beautiful you are right about that. Trying to avoid detours can be tough.
All you guys are so wonderful. I really mean it. Thanks so much for listening to me whine and for being so patient. I love all of you.
BGP, the high road is beautiful you are right about that. Trying to avoid detours can be tough.
All you guys are so wonderful. I really mean it. Thanks so much for listening to me whine and for being so patient. I love all of you.
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Free, I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this! You don't want to hurt him but it hurts so much when they hurt you. I try to remember that hurting people hurt people.
Praying for you!
~Cheryl
Praying for you!
~Cheryl
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Utah
Posts: 20
Free,
Its not your falt. Be strong and know that there is someone else in this world that will not treat you this way. I am in the same boat. My wife is an in Rehab and we have been cleaned out of money with a DUI, lawyers and rehab costs. I will have to sell the house we built and split the equity. All b/c a booze. I find it hard to comprehends b/c I don't drink more than a few beers a week. It is sad to see lives destoyed over alcahol...
Hang in there!!!!
Its not your falt. Be strong and know that there is someone else in this world that will not treat you this way. I am in the same boat. My wife is an in Rehab and we have been cleaned out of money with a DUI, lawyers and rehab costs. I will have to sell the house we built and split the equity. All b/c a booze. I find it hard to comprehends b/c I don't drink more than a few beers a week. It is sad to see lives destoyed over alcahol...
Hang in there!!!!
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
HUN----his lawyer is paid by HIM thats why he sent your lawyer that letter...lol relax....all is well this just shows the court who is at fault and it aint you......
If you want the fire to go out - dont feed it oxygen.....
If you want the fire to go out - dont feed it oxygen.....
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
yup---just playing games trying to drag you down to his level---so what if you did use his credit cards?You are married to him-I don't think it's illegal.Tell the judge you had to use the cards cause he was drinking away all the money..You sound like such a nice person--don't let him take advantage of you anymore!!!
Royalty
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 366
The letters the lawyers send back and forth are MEANT to get you steamed. They want you to be so defensive going into that court room and spitting nails......that you lose your cool, and then any real points that you have are not even going to raise the judges eyebrow...The judge sees the one throwing a fit as the one that loses.
There will be alot more of these "letters" and they mean nothing unless it comes from the judge. Just because a lawyer types something up, doesn't make it true. He is just doing what his client said....and also collecting a big paycheck if he can make waves between the two of you.
Stay calm if you can...
There will be alot more of these "letters" and they mean nothing unless it comes from the judge. Just because a lawyer types something up, doesn't make it true. He is just doing what his client said....and also collecting a big paycheck if he can make waves between the two of you.
Stay calm if you can...
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
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His lawyer is a pirahnna cuz that's what he's paid for. As a former paralegal, don't get me started on the unconscionable things lawyers are capable of in the pursuit of victory.
As a former drunk, your AH is true to form...selfish, angry, petulant, blind in his own pain and self pity, dishonest with himself and others, etc etc ad nauseum. Drunks don't make choices nor do they even possess much rationale thought when it comes to their own... they REACT, they lash, they punish...and wah wah wah themselves all the way to the next drink.
As a former drunk, your AH is true to form...selfish, angry, petulant, blind in his own pain and self pity, dishonest with himself and others, etc etc ad nauseum. Drunks don't make choices nor do they even possess much rationale thought when it comes to their own... they REACT, they lash, they punish...and wah wah wah themselves all the way to the next drink.
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These tactics are terrible. They are hurtful and mean. Thank god I am not a lawyer, I'd never be able to sleep at night. The things that are in this letter are somewhat true, gross exaggerations, but not a lie. The way it's worded makes me seem like this horrible selfish person. I wonder if he read it before she sent it. I wonder if his lawyer knows anything about this person he is representing. I just didn't want things to be like this. I don't want to attack his personal character nor to I want to point fingers. For what and for why? I know the truth and I don't feel I need to keep defending myself. I just want to move on. Go about my life with my kids. Be left alone. My lawyer did tell me today that if they are going to continue with these tactics that I will have to protect myself and my kids. I might be forced to be nasty.
Royalty
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 366
Makes me wonder what profession has the highest rate of alcoholism....I bet lawyers rank up there at the top.
Here's what my ex's lawyer did to make steam start coming out of my ears...
he was asking me questions, and I was answering them, and then I didn't understand one question, and said so, and his lawyer asks "YOU did graduate from HIGH SCHOOL didn't you?"..... I look over at my own lawyer and he says nothing....I guess some insults are perfectly legal. So a few questions later, his lawyer asked me a question, I answered, and then he asked me the EXACT same question again......oh I couldn't resist pointing that out. Sad part was, the judge wasn't even sure if he had asked the question or not....I don't think she was paying much attention.
Another time, I got a letter that ex's lawyer had filed, and every claim in it was exactly what I was claiming were things that he had done (custody case)...I know I wasn't supposed to, but I read it to my son, because it was so funny. Son just kept shaking his head and saying "that never happened"...so trust me on this one, those letters are the pot-stirrer, and you might be better off not reading some of them.
Make me mad by insulting my intelligence, and flat out lie with a smile on their face.....sure ways to set me off. The ex knows what would irritate me, and he paid his lawyer to make sure that would happen. Make sure you are well prepared and you won't have any problems.
Here's what my ex's lawyer did to make steam start coming out of my ears...
he was asking me questions, and I was answering them, and then I didn't understand one question, and said so, and his lawyer asks "YOU did graduate from HIGH SCHOOL didn't you?"..... I look over at my own lawyer and he says nothing....I guess some insults are perfectly legal. So a few questions later, his lawyer asked me a question, I answered, and then he asked me the EXACT same question again......oh I couldn't resist pointing that out. Sad part was, the judge wasn't even sure if he had asked the question or not....I don't think she was paying much attention.
Another time, I got a letter that ex's lawyer had filed, and every claim in it was exactly what I was claiming were things that he had done (custody case)...I know I wasn't supposed to, but I read it to my son, because it was so funny. Son just kept shaking his head and saying "that never happened"...so trust me on this one, those letters are the pot-stirrer, and you might be better off not reading some of them.
Make me mad by insulting my intelligence, and flat out lie with a smile on their face.....sure ways to set me off. The ex knows what would irritate me, and he paid his lawyer to make sure that would happen. Make sure you are well prepared and you won't have any problems.
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HolyQow... Holy cow, that must have been terrible for you. Did you feel that all your efforts came to such an ugly end? I don't know if I can handle being attacked by them and I know I can't handle AH being attacked by my lawyer. I might just get up and have to walk out. I need to reach the point of hating him I quess. I just got to not caring, how long until I hate him?
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
If you really want to get em good.....stay as calm as a cubumber....be very polite and sweetsie sweet.....kill em with kindness...there's a saying around here and it goes: The best revenge is to live and live well....and it is soooo true. Dress exactly the way your lawyer wants you to dress and always stay calm...as hard as it is your lawyer will be very glad you did. No hostile witnesses now....lol All is fair in love and alcoholism...pull out all the stops. and do not talk to the STBXAH...you dont need any he said she said bullcrap in the mix.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
Being a normal nice person--of course you want it all to go smoothly without much damage to each other. I went through the courts for divorse with no lawyer at one point--stand strong-tell the truth-you know it better than the lawyers.
My neighbor was married for 27 years-2 kids-big house-own buisiness-had it all......his wife decided she no longer wanted to be married---right after she had the entire house remodeled-bought a new car cash-and his brother and father had just died in the past year.
He was SOOO nice to her and kept telling me--oh I want this to be civil-we have kids together etc-----I told him to talk to me in about 2 months----YUP she did everything she could to screw him legally--got just about everything--well he does get the kids EVERY WEEKEND--lol.
He didnt keep his defenses up like he should have and then it was too late-now he hates her and is rippled with anger!!!(as you cann imagine) I am not saying you should be mean just prepared and strong--looks like your A is already taking shots below the belt.....you will make it--fake it if you have to!!
My neighbor was married for 27 years-2 kids-big house-own buisiness-had it all......his wife decided she no longer wanted to be married---right after she had the entire house remodeled-bought a new car cash-and his brother and father had just died in the past year.
He was SOOO nice to her and kept telling me--oh I want this to be civil-we have kids together etc-----I told him to talk to me in about 2 months----YUP she did everything she could to screw him legally--got just about everything--well he does get the kids EVERY WEEKEND--lol.
He didnt keep his defenses up like he should have and then it was too late-now he hates her and is rippled with anger!!!(as you cann imagine) I am not saying you should be mean just prepared and strong--looks like your A is already taking shots below the belt.....you will make it--fake it if you have to!!
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