Elana

Sometimes on the road of life and the road of recovery we must reach outside our comfort zone to move forward. This can be going to meetings face to face, speaking at meetings, starting a new job, going back to school, trying a new hobby or returning to an old one and expanding on it or any other numerous things.

This past 5 months I have had to do a few things outside my comfort zone, such as go to my first church service in years on my own, replace the hard drive on my computer with no outside help and become more socially active.

In the last year I accepted a promotion and had to change my job location (and had just taken a new job less than a year previous which also required a change in location)...

The way I have handled this is to take a deep breath and say to myself, "A lot of other people have done this same thing and some of them are not nearly as talented as I so I CAN do this.." then I have forged ahead and figured it out... usually with success.

What are you doing for yourself that is making you reach outside your comfort zone? If you have done something outside the 'zone', has the very act of reaching helped you? Have you succeeded? Has the process helped with your recovery?

What are you going to reach for next and how are you planning to make this discomfort turn into success?

parentrecovers

hmmmm...this is very good question..

teke

thanks elana, right now, i am enjoying my new found freedom in working on me and my codependancy, don't know if i'm being successful at this but i'm having a time of my life. i don't think that this is what this post is about, but for now this is as far as i have gotten. got some ideas, but is yet to start moving towards them. if i can just pull this planned vacation off, then i'm doing good. have to get back with you on this one, have to give it a lot of thought. thanks for the post, give me a chance to steal ideas from you and the others.

Cupicake

Since I filed for a divorce I have been slowly analyzing and working through who I am and why I am the way I am. I have to say this is out of my comfort zone because somethings that I have been discovering about myself I don't like and somethings I know I have to deal with otherwise it'll continue to affect my life and somethings are fortunately good and didn't know I liked about myself. I have been having a lot of "oh my goodness, that's why I do that...." moments. It takes a while to process. The hardest part is the changing.

For example, I hate that I am way too agreeable. I will agree to or with things even though I don't really agree with it. I guage my answers according to what I think the person wants to hear. I don't think I ever had a really strong opinion.

I never really had the chance to look at myself inside/out. I've always had distractions in my life that I put my focus on. I never did things for just me and me alone. It's hard and emotionally draining to try to figure myself out and actually put effort into working on it but I think I am worth it.

duet_4-8

I started back to school the day before my 50th birthday. I am finishing up my degree in Early Childhood Education; I quit school 15 years ago when I had 2 little kids, a job, and an addict for a husband.

Now I have 2 grown sons, a third child that is 10, and my AH is well on the way to being my EX AH! My oldest son has purchased the business that his dad threw away in the name of getting high. And I will have a grandaughter in early June! Shelby Grace.

Even though I still have to deal with AH, life is looking very good to me right now. God is very good to me!

Love yas!

Elana

I think the point of all this is for each of us to look inside and say, "Wow! I was really scared to do ***** but I did it anyway and look how I have grown from that experience!"

Now the scarey thing can be anything to take care of ourselve. It can be not answering the phone.. not calling.. not emailing.. taking ourself out to dinner alone.. or to a movie.. or going back to skool.. going to our first F2F meeting.. trying for a new job.. driving somewhere on vacation alone.. ANYTHING.

ANYTHING that we can look at and say, "Man.. I was really terrified.. but I went forward and did **** and WOW! I could do it! Look at ME!"

What have you done to declare YOU?
This is just for your own thoughts.. and for your own pondering and peace and self assurance and self affirmation (is that spelled right?) because YOU CAN DO IT.

I read here all the time the demons and dragons faced every day by parents, spouses, BF's, GF's and chidren of addicts. I have never known a more courageous group of people who don't often recognize their own courage.

I am absolutely honored to know you all.



Maybe this makes no sense?

hope213

thank you for the post.what am i going to do? i have been working as my husbands secertary for yrs. now. i am going to get out & find me a job,another job to be with people,mix & meet.i do not get alot of that in what i am doing now.i need the confidence to do this but i am going to try.ha! i justy have not decided when. good luck to you.you CAN do this.

Mavis

I'm going back to High School!!! HA

tropikgal2

When my husband admitted to me about the addiction he'd been hiding for a long time, instead of doing what I have ALWAYS done all my life which is RUN, I stayed put and helped him work through it. So far so good. My comfort zone is my home and my dogs which I love very much. However, working through this and with y'alls generous help and advice, I have also come to the conclusion that if something happens again, I will probably leave until he can decide to get clean on his own. Then the court can decide who gets to stay in the house with the dogs while he get his mind together. I can replace material things, but I can never replace my peace of mind and sanity.

Elana

I am going to AZ to show my Mom the Grand Canyon. She is 80 and never has gone. We are flying.

I have not flown since 1977. Well, this is post 9/11 America and this flight requires a change and a lay over in Baltimore. Mom is fine but has physical issues and getting this put together and not miss the connecting is my job.

I am absolutely terrified of screwing this up! Once I am in it I will be fine. A Lot of People Fly.. and I tell myself, "Look.. a LOT of people do this all the time and do fine, so will you..." Yeah.. right...

So, I am afraid of screwing up, losing our luggage, getting on the wrong plane and ending up in Mexico (not really.. LOL) or missing a flight completely.. Pretty silly isn't it?

Once I have it done.. and the trip is a success and we are back I will feel like I licked the world. The trick is doing this and not letting the world lick ME!

Oh brother.. I am such a sad sorry thing.. Geeze look what I just wrote.

I can get a 1300 pound horse to do what I want and I am afraid of the airport logistics of Baltimore and Phoenix... Man..

greeteachday

Sometimes reaching outside my comfort zone has just been going to work and interacting on a shakey day. I find it easier to just sit in my office and work like crazy so I force myself out on the floor sometimes interacting.

I believe my HP has let me know it is time to go further outside the zone. I've been asked to chair a national working group...37 states participate and we have some pretty extensive tasks. (say a prayer for me, my first conference calll with them is tomorrow and i'm quite nervous) I've also had more requests to give presentations or teach in the last couple of months than I have ever had. None of these things are within my comfort zone, but the more I do it, the less frantically uncomfortable I am. I also always gain insight from my audience and I've met many wonderful people. I am really very grateful that I've been given so many opportunities to learn more and grow.

greeteachday

Elana, you'll be fine. BWI is a nice airport to have to switch planes and they'll take care of the luggage, you just need to move you and your mom. Just give yourself extra time on your first leg of the journey to get through security...No liquids, gels, etc in the carry on (unless you put it in a quart size zip lock bag and show it at security) I've found it easier to stick all that stuff in the check in luggage so I don't have hassles at the security area.

If your mom has some physical limitations you can arrange for a wheelchair for her if you'd like (just call the airline) ...they come with an attendant so they will do all the arranging connections for you.

I find the key to ease through airports is to smile and be friendly no matter how obnoxious staff may be. While most are great, some seem to be programed to nasty because they get yelled at for things they can't control (like weather) They aren't used to nice and respectful, so it makes for something different and they'll bend over backwards to help. Hugs

havehope

Recently I took a stand about something going on at work that was/is wrong. I will probably cause myself some trouble, but it is the right thing to do. I feel confident that things will work out in the long run, but higher up people may feel some "discomfort" while we work these things out. I just couldn't stand by and let mistakes happen.
I actually am at peace with this one.
Seems that while I progress in my own recovery, the rest of my life gets easier. Imagine that!!!!
Terri

Elana

Thanks Greet. I have spoken with the Airline and I have been on their website, so I will be (over)prepared. Once I am in the web I will be fine (as wirline spider web) and once I have done this once it will never bother me again!

I know about the job thing too. I have this job now that I interviewed for and even tho I asked for the job at the end of the interview (and in my thank you letter to the interviewers), I had not been at the agency for a year yet. I figured I woudl never get it and I did.

I have had to do the conference calls and meet with people and all of that, and had to work thru the fear of screwing up. I haven't (yet).

Funny thing is, I fear making mistakes and screwing up, but if I do I usually just laugh at my own ineptitude, make a joke about it and move on.

I wonder where the fear comes from? It isn't like Daddy is going to yell at me or anything... I do feel the fear comes from a response in me that is very child like.

Meanwhile, I will pray you get thru YOUR call and your job presentations. You are going to do fine. I just know it!

patchoulli

I have always enjoyed physical labor and challenges. Keith and i bought a falling down farm house over a year ago and some floor joists when rebuilding parts of the house. I am not letting his death stop me from living in a decent place and will be tearing up some flooring in the bedroom in the next 2 weeks to tackle more joists. I may hire a young man to help, but I'm gonna do it so I can have the dream bedroom that I have been waiting for. The way it is right now, the bed would go thru the floor. great topic Elana

MsPINKAcres

Prior to recovery, I wanted to just fade into the walls. Now it seems the more time I have in this program, the more my HP likes for me to go to different places to tell our story of recovery.

I have done it about 5 times and was just recently asked to travel to Houston to speak at the end of April. I'm very honored & glad to be able to do service work. BUT on the inside, my stomach is all quesy and I know this is so out of my comfort zone.

I'm glad that my HP & recovery gives me the tools to step out of fear, stretch out of that comfort zone and do these things that would have paralyzed me before.

Great topic,

Thanks,
Rita

cinderellawkids

I find this toppic difficult for me. As my anxiety disorder seems to be worsening rather than getting better I have fewer and fewer comfort zones, and it has nothing to do with any outside situation but me.

HKAngel24

Elana- great post.
Right now outside of my comfort zone is loving myself.
Giving my own life meaning without another person giving me "permission" to like myself.
It's deeply uncomfortable and feels WRONG to declare, "I deserve better." or "I deserve to take care of me."

My negative voices are very strong so I am trying to fight this. I hope it gets easier.