krhea75

My oldest son called tonight and he ran off the road and almost wrecked because he fell asleep at the wheel. He and the car were all right, but I get so mad at him. He stays up all night and then he doesn't get enough sleep. So he puts his life in danger. Then my AS in rehab called tonight a nd he might get discharged from rehab because a peer was harrassing him, the peer kicked him and he kicked the peer back. He was crying. I calmed him down, but now I am wired. I told him that whatever happens we will deal with it. He was genuinely upset about getting discharged as opposed to last week when he was threatening to walk out of rehab. So now here it is, time for me to go to bed and I can't sleep. I think I handled both of those situations okay, but now i am left with the aftermath of the garbage in their lives. I keep telling myself, let go let god. Let their higher power deal with them. I guess it will be a tylenol pm night.

Krhea

havehope

I hope you can get some sleep tonight. I think you handled it wonderfully! Isn't it funny how they get to release their stuff to us, then they are OK and can go on with their day, (while we suddenly feel as though we had 10 cups of coffee and can't seem to relax!).

I pray the tylenol PM has kicked in by now and you are having sweet dreams. I hope tomorrow is a bit less stressful.
Terri

teke

sorry this is happening. the older son is ok, right? hopefully he learned a lesson and will do better. try to tell yourself, that its done and over, and you'll think about it tomorrow if you still feel the need to. that there is nothing that you need to do tonite about what happened. pray and try to envision putting both your sons in gods hand and watch him with eyes close, take them in and hold them. then know that he has them and can/ will protect them much better than you can.

the younger son i think will be able to work through this just like the last incident. is there anything that you can do to help either one of them right now? if not, why not try to tell yourself, that there is nothing you can do tonite so you'll save all the thoughts until tomorrow when you can do something if you find that there is something that you can or need to do.

you are a mom and its natural that you want to protect them, but once they grow up, there are some lessons that we have to allow them to learn on their own. most of the time they don't listen anyway when we try to protect them. sorry that you are going through this. maybe somehow you could ask them to call you only after they have had a chance to see if they can work through their own issues. still praying for you and your sons.

mooselips

krhea75,
I know that feeling of worry, and fretting. Fortunately for me, most of the time now, I can change the tune and get myself on another track. What it all boils down to, is this is HIS time for taking care of him, maybe, perhaps, you shouldn't be so available to him. Let the phone pick up the message for a few days.

I remember my youngest was in a halfway house, and left because some guy decided to dry his clunky shoes in the dryer, it kept him awake, so he just up and left. I guess it just wasn't his time.

Rehab is hard work, and in my opinion, it takes time for their behaviors to change, I know my sons are sometimes short fused when rehabbing. Give it time, and give him encouragement...and pray.

Hugs to his mom....

parentrecovers

oh krhea,

i'm sorry you are struggling. how are you doing with your alanon/naranon meetings? have you been able to go? blessings, k

bookmiser

((((((krhea)))))))

Sending you hugs, prayers, and support.
Stay strong, and don't let them boys get to ya.
My son used to call from jail when he first went in.
He would tell me all kinds of things that were happening "to" him.
It wasn't as bad as he led me to believe. He admitted later that he just wanted out. I held fast and left him sit. Hope you can do the same.
From a mom who cares for another mom,

BigSis

(((krhea))) My daughter was nearly kicked out each and every week of rehab. The counselors have been through this - lots. They see the different behaviors and they know... they really know... the difference between frustration and unwillingness.

My advice is to trust the counselors.

Your son is scared - that is a good sign. But there is no need to take on his fear as yours. If he gets kicked out, perhaps he needs to know that it won't be into the safety net of your home. Perhaps this is the time to draw the line in the sand...

You might want to have some numbers for some men's shelters on hand in case he calls again.

With loving prayers for peace and comfort ((((hugs)))).

hope213

hugs, hope

lil516

When I read your post I thought this is what they mean by "getting pulled into their drama"

and it's not just the addicted ones...(i.e. the phone call to inform you that other son "almost" had an accident)....what were you suppose to do with that piece of info??

try not to let them pull you in (I know how hard it is...)
my RAS often calls with stories of who did what to whom at his place and it's so difficult not to get caught up ....

funny how they managed to keep all the gory details of active addiction to themselves!....back then they knew how to outright lie or just lie by omission...

as big sis says...the counselors at rehab are used to this...they have a clearer understanding of what is happening and it's best to talk to them and when in doubt do nothing

rehab staff know they are working with a population of paranoid, anxious, depressed people...they aren't expecting to be seeing well mannered citizens all the time ( I'm guessing they are happy if they see good behavior some of the time!)

Hang in there...you are doing a great job of recovering....I think I was a much slower learner!!

krhea75

THanks everyone for the reality check. I did get sleep last night thanks to the tyleonl pm, and today my oldest son called and apologized for upsetting me. Younger son in rehab called and he just lost his points, not getting discharged. So for today, life goes on. I probably shouldn't have posted last night. I just feel sometimes that you all understand more than anyone else. I do need to try not to get caught up in the drama, and I liked what BIgSis said about not taking on my son's fears. I am trying; your encouragemnt means a lot. Things are better today. I keep thinking about what someone said to me on this forum..."expect the worst and hope for the best." That piece of advice has become my mantra!
krhea

teke

glad to hear that everything worked out ok.

Wascally Wabbit

Boy, I raised 2 boys. It was the hardest thing I ever did. I know what you're going through.

marteen

Take it easy on YOU. Focus - not on them but on what YOU are doing and what you want to do. They will do what they do anyway!

Letting go is hard but it is essential if you want to get your own life on track. They cannot live your life anymore than you can live theirs. They have all the tools to make the right decision; let them and thier HP do that. You cannot control what they do or the results of thier behavior.

I know that is all simple to say but so very hard to do. But with baby steps and the right recovery tools, you will get there. I did!!

Hurtbad2505

I received this in email not long ago and find it a great comfort when I just can't handle 'it' a minute longer...hope it helps...it's hard to do, but it DOES work....

MEMO FROM GOD:

Effective immediately, please be aware that there are changes you need
to make in your life. These changes need to be completed in order that I
may fulfill my promises to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in
this life. I apologize for any inconvenience, but after all that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you. I know, I already gave you the 10 Commandments. Keep them. But follow these guidelines, also.

1. QUIT WORRYING
Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you
forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for
you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes
your way?

2. PUT IT ON THE LIST
Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR
list. Put it on MY to-do-list! . Let ME be the one to take care of the
problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to me. And although my
to-do-list is long, I am after all, God. I can take care of anything you
put into my hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take
care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.

3. TRUST ME
Once you've given your burdens to me, quit trying to take them back.
Trust in me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs,
your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on my
list. Problem with finances? Put it on my list. Problems with your
emotional roller coaster? For my sake, put it on my list. I want to help
you. All you have to do is ask.

4. LEAVE IT ALONE
Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well,! I'm feeling much stronger now,
I think I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling
stronger now? It's simple. You gave me your burdens and I'm taking care
of them. I also renew your strength and cove! r you in my peace. Don't you
know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where
you started? Leave them with me and forget about them. Just let me do
my job.

5. TALK TO ME
I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy.
Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But
there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please don't forget to talk to
me - OFTEN! I love you. I want to hear your voice. I want you to include
me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about
your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with
me. I want to be your dearest friend.

6. HAVE FAITH
I see a lot of things from up here that you can'! t see from where you
are. Have faith in me that I know what I'm doing. Trust me, you wouldn't
want the view from my eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over
you, and meet you! r needs. You only have to trust me. Although I have a
much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just
doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

rahsue

ya know, I think its boys lol my daughter doesn't unload on me like my boys do (1sober 1 addict)
you handled yourself perfectly.
when the boys decide to whine to me, I stare at them with a very strange face like I don't know what they're talking about, I don't answer them then they walk away, lol, works like a charm

BigSis

You did exactly right... post here, figure out stuff, use it in the real world. Hope tonight is ... well, hoping you are already FAST asleep!! ((hugs))