How do I fight this feeling?
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
How do I fight this feeling?
Isn't that a song title?
Anyway, HELP!
I'm sinking! I'm so tired and I just feel stuck! How do you guys get out of these ruts? How do you pick yourself up and keep going? How do you put on a smile everyday and go throughout your day? Hmm...I do that one....
How do you find the real you? I feel like I'm about 10 different people. I'm whatever you want me to be and now I can't find the real me.
I'm open for advice....HELP!
Anyway, HELP!
I'm sinking! I'm so tired and I just feel stuck! How do you guys get out of these ruts? How do you pick yourself up and keep going? How do you put on a smile everyday and go throughout your day? Hmm...I do that one....
How do you find the real you? I feel like I'm about 10 different people. I'm whatever you want me to be and now I can't find the real me.
I'm open for advice....HELP!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Happy with me !
Posts: 680
Was that an Air Supply song or Chicago ? Or neither ? 
I have to take deep breaths and take it day by day, sometimes even hour by hour......I understand how you feel like 10 different people. sometimes I feel like running down the street screaming at the top of my lungs.
It's not easy, but this site along with al-anon and reading inspirational tidbits each day get me through.
((Hugs)))
I have to take deep breaths and take it day by day, sometimes even hour by hour......I understand how you feel like 10 different people. sometimes I feel like running down the street screaming at the top of my lungs.
It's not easy, but this site along with al-anon and reading inspirational tidbits each day get me through.
((Hugs)))
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
I believe the title was really "I can't fight this feeling anymore" - and I always hated that song! LOL
I started small. It was too overwhelming to think that I had to find my whole self! And then I realized that I didn't even want to be that person that I used to be all those years ago before my life got turned upside down by alcoholism and abuse, etc.
So, then came re-creating me - and becoming the person I wanted to be.
It took a lot of soul searching and really giving some serious thought to the life that I wanted to have - who I wanted to be - etc. and I started small.
I began changing my surroundings (my house) and making myself get out of the house (even when I didn't want too). I began making new friends and spending time with them and doing fun things with my kids. The point was that I wanted to "LIVE" my life! I realized that I'd not been living all those years. I learned to live life and enjoy it - and have fun!
It wasn't easy and sometimes I still feel myself wanting to sink back into old behavior (like being a hermit and not doing anything) but I make myself - and I always am glad that I did.
Try new things - remember the old you - set one small goal at a time.
I know it's hard - but I know you can do it! Believe me - if I could manage - I know you can!!!!
I started small. It was too overwhelming to think that I had to find my whole self! And then I realized that I didn't even want to be that person that I used to be all those years ago before my life got turned upside down by alcoholism and abuse, etc.
So, then came re-creating me - and becoming the person I wanted to be.
It took a lot of soul searching and really giving some serious thought to the life that I wanted to have - who I wanted to be - etc. and I started small.
I began changing my surroundings (my house) and making myself get out of the house (even when I didn't want too). I began making new friends and spending time with them and doing fun things with my kids. The point was that I wanted to "LIVE" my life! I realized that I'd not been living all those years. I learned to live life and enjoy it - and have fun!
It wasn't easy and sometimes I still feel myself wanting to sink back into old behavior (like being a hermit and not doing anything) but I make myself - and I always am glad that I did.
Try new things - remember the old you - set one small goal at a time.
I know it's hard - but I know you can do it! Believe me - if I could manage - I know you can!!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Scandinavia
Posts: 14
Hi,
I know exactly how you feel, the overwhelming tiredness....
I`m looking forward to see the answers you get on this post
Myself, I see the road to my true self, but i cannot seem to get onto it yet....
But I believe (at least for me) the tiredness comes from keeping up appearance, trying to heal a man that can only heal himself, worrying about the future (No point doing that as you never know whats gonna happend good or bad ;-), stribing for perfection and pleasing everybody around me. For me its about realising that its not my job to make everybody happy.....
But as i said i`m not there yet, so you might better listen to someone who has mastered the skill ;-)
I know exactly how you feel, the overwhelming tiredness....
I`m looking forward to see the answers you get on this post
Myself, I see the road to my true self, but i cannot seem to get onto it yet....
But I believe (at least for me) the tiredness comes from keeping up appearance, trying to heal a man that can only heal himself, worrying about the future (No point doing that as you never know whats gonna happend good or bad ;-), stribing for perfection and pleasing everybody around me. For me its about realising that its not my job to make everybody happy.....
But as i said i`m not there yet, so you might better listen to someone who has mastered the skill ;-)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Hi,
Once in awhile I still have feelings that begin to overwhelm me, but now I try to use the tools given to me by going to meetings and by reading here on SR.
In the early years of my AS' use- I went to ALOT of meetings. I would attend at least 4-5 a week. I went whether I felt like it or not and always came home with a better understanding and feeling some relief from the stress.
Codie recovery is like any other type of recovery in that it takes practice, hard work and time. It does get better- I promise. It may not seem that way right now for you but just about everyone here at SR at one time or another has probably asked the same questions you have.
To answer your question about getting out of a rut...I have to change or I'll just stay there. I have to change or I'll fall into the same rut again. Once I got tired of being there and 'had enough' of that rut, change was a welcome option at any cost. I learned from others who knew a better way to cope with these problems.
Once in awhile I still have feelings that begin to overwhelm me, but now I try to use the tools given to me by going to meetings and by reading here on SR.
In the early years of my AS' use- I went to ALOT of meetings. I would attend at least 4-5 a week. I went whether I felt like it or not and always came home with a better understanding and feeling some relief from the stress.
Codie recovery is like any other type of recovery in that it takes practice, hard work and time. It does get better- I promise. It may not seem that way right now for you but just about everyone here at SR at one time or another has probably asked the same questions you have.
To answer your question about getting out of a rut...I have to change or I'll just stay there. I have to change or I'll fall into the same rut again. Once I got tired of being there and 'had enough' of that rut, change was a welcome option at any cost. I learned from others who knew a better way to cope with these problems.
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
You're on your way, My!
Standing, I can relate to wanting to be a hermit! It's so hard to get out and do things but crazy when you think being home with an AH is the last place I should want to be!?
Funny thing you said about re-creating who we are. I was too young to know or remember who I was before alcohol. I never even knew for sure. But I always thought of it like a hunt or an adventure to find me. That I was already this person hiding out there somewhere and I had to find her and let her out. I never dawned on me that I could create her. That I could be whoever I wanted to be.....I'm awestruck at the thought.....
Standing, I can relate to wanting to be a hermit! It's so hard to get out and do things but crazy when you think being home with an AH is the last place I should want to be!?
Funny thing you said about re-creating who we are. I was too young to know or remember who I was before alcohol. I never even knew for sure. But I always thought of it like a hunt or an adventure to find me. That I was already this person hiding out there somewhere and I had to find her and let her out. I never dawned on me that I could create her. That I could be whoever I wanted to be.....I'm awestruck at the thought.....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 89
Originally Posted by chero 
How do you find the real you? I feel like I'm about 10 different people. I'm whatever you want me to be and now I can't find the real me.
I feel like a new person...independent and confident. I'm meeting new people, and my self esteem has grown by leaps and bounds. I have no time to think about XAH anymore. Yes, I'm tired. But I'm happy with the way things are. It is such a relief not having XAH around to make my life a living hell.
I like who I am. I don't feel like a victim anymore, needing to tell everyone about my soap-opera-like life. I've come to realize that I am strong and resilient....and I don't have to dwell on past sufferings. That has been a HUGE step for me.
I'm not the person my XAH insisted I was....anti-social and crazy. I love being around people, I love to laugh and I'm happy with my life.
For me, I just came to the realization that I couldn't allow someone else to control my life (whether he's around or not). It was time to move forward and re-claim it.
it is what it is...
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 179
As with everything else, one day at a time. These take time unfortunately. I picked out things I liked about myself and emphasized them. I also stepped back and looked at myself to see some of the things I didn't like about me and started to try to change them. I used to see myself as sunshine when I was young. About the time I met my A. It had a lot to do with youth as well. But I always felt happy and excited. I hardly ever feel like that anymore. But I am working on it. I always under react. Now I try to be silly and girly once in a while. Giggling is OK. It makes other people giggle. So does smiling. Maybe that smile you slap on in the morning makes others smile. Pay attention and see. If it does it will start to make that a "true" smile on your face. I posted a while ago about leaving the jail from seeing my A. I was mad that I was there again and feeling rather icky. I looked at a guy coming up the stairs with a parka hood on, his eyes looked like he probably wasn't all there and he was dirty and probably hungry (too thin). But by God (literally) he looked at me and had the biggest happiest smile on his face. He looked happy too, not just crazy, and he was even missing his front tooth. So when I get down I remind myself "at least I have all my teeth" and I think of him. Life is good, we just need reminders of the things we should be thankful for. So go ahead with your smiling honey, soon it will be genuine. Good luck. I hope my rambling made some sense. B
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
B, that reminded me of something a friend of mine says...fake it till you make it!
I always hated that but maybe I'm starting to change my mind! Thanks for the story! I loved it!
I always hated that but maybe I'm starting to change my mind! Thanks for the story! I loved it!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
Chero---I am still a work in progress myself. It sounds like you have spent your whole life surrounded by alcohol-I was spared that at least. It must be hard when it is the only life you have ever known....I started to find myself just by being good to ME--reading exercising--haircut-clothes--whatever made me feel good even if it was short lived...I wish so much that someone-something could move you to a place where there is time for YOU and for you to see how special you are.
A priest once told me--everytime you walk by a mirror--look into it and say"i love you--you are so beautiful"" It was hard to do for me--got easier with time...the ole learning to love yourself again...and you are worth it...
A priest once told me--everytime you walk by a mirror--look into it and say"i love you--you are so beautiful"" It was hard to do for me--got easier with time...the ole learning to love yourself again...and you are worth it...
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Sun, I can't imagine ever doing that in the mirror. You are so fabulous, though...it can't be hard!! 
You know what's funny or strange. I did grow up around alcohol only I didn't remember it until somebody told me. When I was a teenager somebody who knew me as a child said to me, "Is your dad still an alcoholic?" I about fell in the floor. He hadn't drank in so long that I plum had blocked it all out. I guess. I can remember stuff now but I try not to. And then I got married when I was barely 21 and he turns out to be an A.
Hmm...I just re-read your note...now I'm crying. I don't know if there ever will be time for me. I'm the worker, the keep-it-all-together gal, call her if you need something, etc....I'm on the verge of losing it for sure!
p.s....love the orange!
You know what's funny or strange. I did grow up around alcohol only I didn't remember it until somebody told me. When I was a teenager somebody who knew me as a child said to me, "Is your dad still an alcoholic?" I about fell in the floor. He hadn't drank in so long that I plum had blocked it all out. I guess. I can remember stuff now but I try not to. And then I got married when I was barely 21 and he turns out to be an A.
Hmm...I just re-read your note...now I'm crying. I don't know if there ever will be time for me. I'm the worker, the keep-it-all-together gal, call her if you need something, etc....I'm on the verge of losing it for sure!
p.s....love the orange!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Dixie
Posts: 612
Chero... whenever I felt I could not take another step, I would force myself to go through the motions. I would be in social situations or at work, literally with a tear in my eye, and just press on. Like my tag line says, "Force yourself to go through the motions, and soon you will feel the corresponding e-motions." It works.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
No Man's Land. I know that place. I hit it in month 2 of my recovery for alcohol (I'm almost at month 4). All of a sudden I realized that I was no longer the identity I thought I was (and actually never was...it was the mask I had created out of defense). It's a scary place...who the hell am I? But ya know what...it is a hallmark of recovery! It means you are exactly where you are supposed to be. You are a blank canvas just waiting for the splashes of colour..the textures and depth that is truly you. As hard as it feels..it is truly a very exciting place to be. You are right on path Chero.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,051
I can't fight this feeling any longer.
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow.
What started out as friendship,
Has grown stronger.
I only wish I had the strength to let it show.
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever.
I said there is no reason for my fear.
Cause I feel so secure when we're together.
You give my life direction,
You make everything so clear.
And even as I wander,
I'm keeping you in sight.
You're a candle in the window,
On a cold, dark winter's night.
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.
And I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,
And throw away the oars, forever.
Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
And if I have to crawl upon the floor,
Come crushing through your door,
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.
My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you.
I've been running round in circles in my mind.
And it always seems that I'm following you, girl,
Cause you take me to the places,
That alone I'd never find.
And even as I wander,
I'm keeping you in sight.
You're a candle in the wind,
On a cold, dark winter's night.
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.
And I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,
And throw away the oars, forever.
Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
And if I have to crawl upon the floor,
Come crushing through your door,
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.
( oh great, now thanks to me we're all going to have those lyrics running through our heads all day long;-)
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow.
What started out as friendship,
Has grown stronger.
I only wish I had the strength to let it show.
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever.
I said there is no reason for my fear.
Cause I feel so secure when we're together.
You give my life direction,
You make everything so clear.
And even as I wander,
I'm keeping you in sight.
You're a candle in the window,
On a cold, dark winter's night.
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.
And I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,
And throw away the oars, forever.
Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
And if I have to crawl upon the floor,
Come crushing through your door,
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.
My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you.
I've been running round in circles in my mind.
And it always seems that I'm following you, girl,
Cause you take me to the places,
That alone I'd never find.
And even as I wander,
I'm keeping you in sight.
You're a candle in the wind,
On a cold, dark winter's night.
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.
And I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,
And throw away the oars, forever.
Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
And if I have to crawl upon the floor,
Come crushing through your door,
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.
( oh great, now thanks to me we're all going to have those lyrics running through our heads all day long;-)
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: somewhere, some state
Posts: 48
Chero, I feel that way too. What is the real me? There is a me for every facet of my life..family, work, school, friends, bf, they all get a different cuttlefish. But, I change who I am every few years...I just grow out of who I thought I was, my life situation helps me to change usually.
I've been in a rut and feeling stuck for the last year, when things have just added up. I have put smile on and gone through my day so many times. Sometimes it helps me to remember that I'm not the only one feeling like this, and its alright to not be cheery, and all right not to be sad. The real me is who I am right now, no more or no less. I think you have to keep in mind not to confuse who you are now with a past self, or the one you want to be. I'm not saying be content and never change, but it can help to not measure yourself against your perfect ideal self...that will come, but not when your force it.
So while I'm waiting for myself to emerge from my cocoon, I use distractions, and positive thoughts. And I make myself talk to other people...try things that put you out of your comfort zone a bit, that can really help. i'm shy, but talking to people I don't know is so increasing my confidence....strangers aren't that scary it seems
I've been in a rut and feeling stuck for the last year, when things have just added up. I have put smile on and gone through my day so many times. Sometimes it helps me to remember that I'm not the only one feeling like this, and its alright to not be cheery, and all right not to be sad. The real me is who I am right now, no more or no less. I think you have to keep in mind not to confuse who you are now with a past self, or the one you want to be. I'm not saying be content and never change, but it can help to not measure yourself against your perfect ideal self...that will come, but not when your force it.
So while I'm waiting for myself to emerge from my cocoon, I use distractions, and positive thoughts. And I make myself talk to other people...try things that put you out of your comfort zone a bit, that can really help. i'm shy, but talking to people I don't know is so increasing my confidence....strangers aren't that scary it seems
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Happily ever after...
Posts: 163
Chero... Maybe a rut isn't such a bad thing after all. For me it helps. I get down a lot. I feel stuck a lot. I then say to myself what are you going to about it? I realize then that only I can change things. I start small and focus on small things. I take care of the things I can and the rest I leave for another time. It's all you can do. I try to be like Scarlet O'Hara, I say to myself, I'll worry about that tomorrow, after all tomorrow is another day. Then things don't seem so overwhelming. Just what works for me.
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