duet_4-8

Hi everyone,
I haven't posted much in the last couple of weeks. I have been on and read a few times, but I seem to go through 'spells' when I just don't feel like typing anything.....does that happen to anyone else?

Anyway, things are pretty good in my life right now. AH is out of the house, three weeks tomorrow, and it feels really good! I was real shaky about it the first week, and feeling oh so guilty about hurting him. I kept 'awfulizing' about where he was staying and how he was feeling, etc, etc. Even listening to 'cry in your beer' country music-which I don't even like!! LOL!! But little by little I started to feel stronger and more secure that I did the right thing for all of us, especially for him.

He is not dealing with it all very well. He 'sort of' admitted to some mutual friends that he has a 'problem' the first weekend after he got served. But that little slit of honesty closed up pretty quickly and he started trashing me to these same folks, blaming me for all his problems, acting like he was a really good husband and I just lost my marbles and kicked him out.

He went to one Celebrate Recovery meeting, but he took a guy from our church-who is about as far removed from addiction and what it is all about as one can get-with him for 'support', and he went to the 'Life Hurts' (relationship issues) small group because he 'isn't an addict' and doesn't need to go to the Substance Abuse meeting. He says he plans to get a drug test every 90 days to 'prove' that he doesn't have a drug problem. Every NINETY DAYS!!!! Can anyone say 'big deal'????

We had a pretty nasty argument on Tuesday. My 19-year-old had told me a bunch of b***s*** that his dad had said to him and his older brother. Stuff that was basically veiled threats and emotional manipulation-like how the one would have to give up his truck and the other would lose something else. Even told them he was going to 'change his will' (which he doesn't even have) and leave everything to his sister. A$$hole stuff like that.

He showed up at son's store on Tuesday making all nice to me, and I just lost it. The old codie reared her ugly head big time. I let him have it with both barrels, and then felt like s***. I even called him and apologized!!! Then I find out that he went straight and called my good friend from church and told her that I must be on nerve pills because I was so grumpy. WTF???!!!???

So he comes over to the house to get something the next day, and is making all nice again. Why won't you talk to me, he said. And I said that I wasn't going to talk to him because he runs and tells someone every time I do. The whole thing ended with him in tears...again...and oh so sorry for the things he has done. Showed up again this morning quacking again. I am so over it.

I really do feel sorry for him. He is such a miserable person; I can't really be angry with him because he is so pathetic. I am SO thankful that I am where I am tonight and not caught in the midst of the insanity anymore. I went out to the movies and dinner with youngest and middle son, and had a really nice evening.

Anyhow-didn't mean to ramble. I really just wanted to say "Hi" and "I love you guys" and "thanks for being there for me". SR has made a huge difference in my life and I am forever grateful!

krhea75

Hey Jen,
Sounds like you are doing well. I know what you mean about not feeling like posting sometimes. I too come and just read a bit every day. Sounds like the chaos is still roiling about, but you are trying to stay out of it. It sounds like you are doing well. Keep being strong, taking it one day at a time.
krhea

Brownie

Hi Jen - Dinner and a movie sounds really nice - Being a code is frustrating I never know (now that I actually admit I'm one) if I do the right thing - I guess that is part of learning - I too am glad SR is here - Good Luck to you in your journey - one day at a time. (((HUGS)))

marle

Jen, Yup I go through periods where I just read and read. Sometimes I will start to type a reply and I don't send it because it just doesn't sound right to me. Other times I feel like I have something to contribute. So don't worry about replying, sometimes you just need to read. As for your hubby, it sounds like he really hates himself and wants to make everyone else miserable as well. Good that you see that he is being destructive and are able to separate yourself from his chaos. Take care of you. Hugs, Marle

Ann

In spite of the chaos, you sound very balanced and happy. And good for you and your sons for getting out to a movie and just having some fun.

Your boys are at an age where they understand what is happening and hopefully can talk it out with you, but the thought crossed my mind that they may benefit from an ACOA meeting or six, to be able to share with others who have been there, about their personal struggles with this. Just a thought, but maybe suggest that they try it out and see if it helps.

My prayers go out for you and your boys, that the road ahead gets brighter every day.

Hugs

dollydo

Thanks for the update, your recovery is shining.

teke

thanks for the update, sounds like things really are looking up for you guys, glad to see you and the boys enjoying yourselves for a change. sorry about your h, but who knows maybe he'll soon realize that he do have a problem and seek help. stay strong and i'll keep praying for all of you.

greeteachday

Jen, I'm glad you checked in...I've been thinking about you. I suspect that our "early recovery" after leaving the addict is similar to the addicts off of drugs...There are triggers (like the sob stories that make us feel bad) where we have to be strong and remember what we are doing is for the best for all involved. But day by day it gets better and better and the new life is great.

I agree with Ann that the kids sound mature enough to understand he is quacking too. I think everyone benefits from meetings, so if you and they find some, it's icing on the recovery cake

I believe we learn and share as much in the quiet times as we do verbalizing. There are times here and at meetings where I just want to listen. I always find that I hear what I need to.

Love hugs and prayers.