lostparent

Ok here goes AD has full custody of her son..father was added to birth certifcate 2 yrs ago.. If we go to a lawyer would she be able to just sign custody of him over to us? Would the father have to agree to it? I'm not sure if we can just do it with an lawyer or not. But she is thinking about doing it, I'm just not sure if it's that easy or not..I'm hoping it is. Because if she has to go through the court or child services I think she might back out..This would be the best thing for my grandson we get along with the father so I don't think he would try to stop it, just don't know if he has to sign anything. Aanyone out there know anything about this?
Please Please say some prayers that she will do this!!!

helpus

I remember when my ex sister inlaw adopted a couple kids, each time both parents had to sing off any rights. Now that was for adoption. I don't know if your looking for just temporary placement right now? I hope things work out well.

lostparent

It would be us having custody a raising him at least until the mother or father can take care of him. The mother is planning on moving an was going to have him live with her 6 months an the father 6 months. THat wouldn't be good for the child an the father is having a fit. Plus mother an boyfriend aare addicts, so we thought mayne she could just sign custody over to us. That way he would stay here where he has lived all his life, the father could still see him, an my AD could work on getting her life together. I love this kid to death!! We or the father could most likely take her to court to get him but we don't want to take a chance of him being taken an put in foster care while it go through court..Which is what we were told would happen if the is a custody fight over him..So we were hoping that she could , if she will, just sign him over to either us or her sister.

rahsue

I guess I got alittle confused, is the father of the child the addict boyfriend? If so I doubt he would even consider signing and if I'm not mistaken thats a form of abandonment in which the courts would gladly let you have custody. I'm going to ask my daughter this shes very good at lawyer stuff.

I'll check back with ya

lostparent

No father is NOT the Abf... The father doesn't want him with or around the Abf.
We were told 2yrs ago that if we filed abandonment, or saying she was unfit that the court would put him in foster care while they check us out to see if we were fit to have him. An that it would take about 5 months, also that the same would happen if the father filed..The thought of him in foster care for that long scared us to death so we didn't an don't want to do that..we are hoping she can just sign him over to us,

rahsue

My daughters not answering the phone she might be sleeping, anyway I know here in philadelphia you can file for temporary custody, but this does not reuire (no cues lol) the child to leave you its just a formality of paper work, I know my daughter has this info, why, I don't know shes never gone through anything like this but for some reason she knows, so tomorrow if you don't get any helpful hints here I'll let you know what she says

lostparent

Thank you so much I am praying she can an will do this...We have a paper giving us temporary gaurdinship in her absence it also stays that if someting should happen to her she wants us have pernment gaurdinship. We had it noterized an filed it at the court house. We use it for doctors, school things like that when she not around, but were told it wouldn't matter an that social serives would place him in foster care it something did happen to her. Also were told they wouldn't let us jave him because of our age an because there are 4 other kids in the house. The girl I talk to scared the crap out of me. So we have I hate to say more or less let AD use him to blackmail us for the past 3 yrs. We make heer mad an the first thing she says is I'm taking my son an you won't see him again...That's why Im praying we can do this while she is in the frame of mind to do it.

mooselips

Parent,
I think you need a lawyer to have the legal papers made up for legal guardianship. You want to make sure all you i's are dotted when it comes to your important grandchild.
Why wouldn't the child's biological father take full custody?

Hugs

teke

when my first h and i broke up, he went thought the courts to get temp custody, it was being vindictive cause i wouldn't allow him back into my life but still the same, i did a 9 month custody battle with him. i thought the same as you about foster care, so i agreed to allow him to have to children to keep that from happening but i did not let that stop me from fighting to get my kids back. it was very successful. i don't know if they will just put them in foster care if there is relatives who want them. i don't know though.

i think that what you are thinking about custody would be better for your grandson though and very important. my stepson came to live with me at the age of 3, dad addicted and couldn't stay with us, and the mom lived in another state and didn't want him. her mom called me on her death bed(didn't know the lady) and asked me to please don't send her grand son back to ny cause mom didn't want him) so i kept him, but i made the mistake of not pursueing custody. i had him by myself with the other kids for the first 3 yrs after he got here with no support from neither of his parents.

when i asked for help, they took him sent him my to ny without my knowledge, morning he was home and evening he was gone. the kids and i were devastated and so was my stepson, but there was nothing i could do. he would call crying at 8yrs begging me to come get him saying that he was living on the street or in abandon cars, and i could do nothing. they'd sent him back from time to time, dad still active, but before i could get it in court they'd ship him off again. that went on until he got old enough and coaches started taking him in. now he's 23 and had a hard life, he hitchhiked back to my house about 2+ months ago and still i'm the closest thing he ever had for a moma. time for him to move out now thought, he's grown.LOL

i said all of that to say, do what you have to do, thats my opinion. your grandson deserves a stable home, and looks like you are the ones. just my opinion, please. my heart goes out to the little ones who don't have a choice in the matter. love ya and praying for all of you.

lostparent

moose,

The father keeps him overnight every other weekend. He is a nice kid an spoils the little guy to death when he has him... but has his problems too. He was or is using meth an has used crack in fact he's the one that got my daughter to try it, for some reason he didn't get addicted to it. He lives at home with his parents an brother, his Dad according to what he has told me gets drunk every night, plus smokes pot, the 21 yr old brother has drug problems. So while I know the Dad will keep him safe on vists the child being there 24-7 wouldn't be good.
Thanks teke for telling me what happened with your stepson. it breaks my heart to think of any child being ripped away from everything they know an love.
AD s' Afb is joining the Army that is what brought all this up she was going to move away an take him with her, she thinks army is the answer to all their problems. She was wanting to let father have him for 6 months then her for 6 months, until he started school. The father had a fit said he wouldn't go that long without seeing him, an that he didn't want him to leave this area. So my sober daughter came up with the idea of her taking custody that way everyone would know he was being cared for, loved an was safe, plus they would still be able to see him when they wanted.
AD called her sister this morning an said she'd do it but wants it to be for only 18 months, cause she thinks they will be ok by then. Don't know if her sister will or should agree to that. I'm just praying that what is best for the little guy happens.

lostparent

What is the differance between custody an gaurdianship?

rahsue

ok heres whvt my all knowledgable daughter says, if you go for custody or even temporary custody the biological father needs to sign. only if the biological father is "already in deep crap" do you not need a signature. of course this is pennsylvania but daughter says its pretty much the same for all states.

good luck and I'll be praying for you

lostparent

rahsue.
Thank you very much for your help. Sounds like we better get the father to sign..

margo

Hi Lostparent - I understand your fears - I have full custody of my 2 year old grandson and I was scared to death that one of his parents would refuse to cooperate with the plan for me to take him and back out at the last minute.

I would advise you to seek legal counselling asap - each state is different and the law in your state could be very different from another. Most family courts have a court liaison lawyer who you can talk to and get advice about custody and other family-related issues - check with your local courthouse to begin with to see if this service is available to you. If that's not an option, see if your state's family services department can put you in touch with a family court advisor.

I wish you all the luck in the world with this, and God bless you for being such a good grandparent to that little boy - he is lucky to have you.

Hugs!

periwinkle55

Lostparent,
I can tell you my experience with my grandchildren. My daughter (addict) and the father (addict) of the grands have been in a bitter battle for 3 years. She left over three years ago with the insistance of the fathers family to get help and between them and myself arranged to care for the, at that time 4yrs. old girl and 8 month old boy. Now as time went on and my daughter got clean and most importantly stayed clean, they did not like it. They felt threathened by her sobriety, and not wanting to return to the father's abusive hand. Needless to say they started by not allowing me to see the kids. I had several talks with my daughter about this and giving me gaurdionship until she was able to care for them, she declined. She never thought they would pull the kids from us or not allow even her to see them. Now it's game on. The filing for custody, them filing to terminate her parental rights, them claiming sexual abuse so on , and so on. Anyway that was 3 years ago and many court battles, psychological evals for everyone and supervised visitation for my daughter at my house one day a week. It has been very difficult, she remains clean, coming up on three years, dad is still using, and he still has primary custody. Oh I forgot to mention, court ordered drug test.....hers all negative, his all positive...Gotta love Pa. court system. I pray for an end to this mess soon so these kids can be with their mom. If I con offer one bit of encouragement...get a legal paper drawn up, even if its temporary. I believe who files for custody first, the kids remain there in the custody until a mediation hearing to determine who will be primary custodial parent.

just my experience
periwinkle55

marteen

Talking to a lawyer in your state, experienced in custody etc. would be the best place to start. A lawyer could answer all your questions and anchor you to the best course of action instead of running all over the place when you don't know where you are running to.

I wouldn't do anything with the baby's father until I got legal advise. You don't want to "tip" anyone off until you have the legal foundation in place.

Good luck.

bookmiser

((((lostparent))))

I am praying that your daughter does the right thing and signs her child over for you and your family to raise. At least until she's in recovery. Then clean for a year. I know my sister's as and his agf had a child together.
The two of them went to prison and her 4 kids were taken into foster care system. My sister was devastated. She fought with the system, the courts, and whatever she had to, to get her grandson out of foster care.
She has been with him for over 2 years now. So miracles do happen.
She has full custody and the parents can only visit if she allows it.
She's a codie, so we all know where it's going to lead for this poor little boy, but....I'm keepin' my nose out of it. She's already p*ssed at me for telling her not to let her other as drive her car, then she did, and the car broke down, got towed because of no insurance. She asked me for a ride, I told her I was sick. Which I was, but I'm tired of enabling everybody. Wheeewwww! Long story. lol.
Anyway....I'm praying for you and your family.
With love,

BigSis

Sounds like a lawyer is needed...definitely.

I guess I just have to turn it around and think, if someone wanted to adopt my kids, would I insist on being notified and asked? I think, "yes"... no matter what my situation, I would still want it to be my choice.

Good luck with the attorney.

(((hugs)))

Trying_in_Texas

I would definitely agree with others who have said that the father would also be required if you are talking about the parents relinquishing their parental rights in this situation. It does not sound like his parental rights have been previously terminated by a court.

Also, I feel certain that, once you actually terminate your parental rights, you cannot "get them back".

I am sure that you could be named as temporary custodians of the child, though... especially if you could get consent from the parents. I know this occurs when CPS steps in - so if you could circumvent that situation and do so by agreement... all the better, right?

I would think that you could at least consult with a family law attorney in your state for a reasonable fee, so that you could get a solid answer on your question. But don't just call the attorney and ask these questions over the phone. Anyone worth your dime won't want to spout off answers on the telephone anyhow. They will want you to schedule an appointment.

Best of luck. All this stuff is so hard - stay strong.

lostparent

My sober daughter is going to call around an find a lawyer. We don't really want AD to give up her parental rights, we just want to stop her from using the boy as a pawn, which is what she does, anytime we refuse to give her something or make her mad she starts saying " Ok I'm taking him with me". ..She would still be his mommy, an if the time ever comes that she beats her drug addiction, an is able to care for him an love him we would sign him back over...But right now she don't even really seem to care about him except to use him though she doesn't see it that way..Just Sat. night she called crying wantin her Dad to come get her, because ABF had hit her an was throwing her into the wall..so her Dad went an got a n of course by Monday she was back with the ADB. that is not a good lifestyle for her 4 yr old thank God he wasn't with her at the time..