Does it Really All Come Down to What We Think?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 59
Does it Really All Come Down to What We Think?
I have to commute 2 hours plus each way to work everyday, and that gives me a great deal of time to think, which sometimes maybe it's too much
I've been putting a lot of thought into codependency and my own codependent behaviors, trying to see where there may have been some improvement on my part, trying to recognize the others, and maybe everyone thinks about this from time to time, but I always come back to the same question: Why? Why do we codies do these things? Because we have a great emotional need to be needed and loved right? But does it really come down to what we think? What we think and believe, about ourselves, others, everything, seems to pretty much determine what we are "willing" to see, and what we see seems to determine "how we feel", and you add all these together and we come up with our actions and decisions. Maybe that's a great oversimplification? Kind of like the movie "The Matrix" where inside the matrix, each person is fed false information that each person believes(like the kind our As give us, the kind we sometimes tell ourselves?), even though we the audience know otherwise. It seems that many of us at one time or another learn the hard way about what we can and cannot control, that we can only control ourselves and noone else, but wow, getting to that point really took a toll before finally "changing what we believe". For me, coming to this change in beliefs helped change how I felt, and between the 2, came some more strength in making decisions, better decisions for myself. I still have hurt, but there's a certain peace with it too.(Maybe it's just the non-existence of all the drama each day)
Doesn't it really come down to what we think and believe about ourselves and that recovering from codependency is about changing those beliefs so that we see ourselves differently, and then feel better about ourselves, and then allow ourselves to make better decisions?
Opinions please.
I've been putting a lot of thought into codependency and my own codependent behaviors, trying to see where there may have been some improvement on my part, trying to recognize the others, and maybe everyone thinks about this from time to time, but I always come back to the same question: Why? Why do we codies do these things? Because we have a great emotional need to be needed and loved right? But does it really come down to what we think? What we think and believe, about ourselves, others, everything, seems to pretty much determine what we are "willing" to see, and what we see seems to determine "how we feel", and you add all these together and we come up with our actions and decisions. Maybe that's a great oversimplification? Kind of like the movie "The Matrix" where inside the matrix, each person is fed false information that each person believes(like the kind our As give us, the kind we sometimes tell ourselves?), even though we the audience know otherwise. It seems that many of us at one time or another learn the hard way about what we can and cannot control, that we can only control ourselves and noone else, but wow, getting to that point really took a toll before finally "changing what we believe". For me, coming to this change in beliefs helped change how I felt, and between the 2, came some more strength in making decisions, better decisions for myself. I still have hurt, but there's a certain peace with it too.(Maybe it's just the non-existence of all the drama each day)Doesn't it really come down to what we think and believe about ourselves and that recovering from codependency is about changing those beliefs so that we see ourselves differently, and then feel better about ourselves, and then allow ourselves to make better decisions?
Opinions please.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
for me, this is what i believe is a key to feeling better, i have to look deep into whats going on inside of me first, work on that and allow my decisions to come out of what i can see in myself. youre a smart girl, i see you shining too.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
I have a tough time with this one... I had a hard time with the codie thing..... to me it was just about love..... that I loved with all my heart.. which I know isn't a bad thing, it's just that my boundaries were being crossed.. ones that I hadn't even established with myself....I think with healthy boundaries we are able to love without it hurting us and who we are...prayer helps me... helps me to keep things in line... I have along way to go.. but I'm gettin' there....
Liz
Liz
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 59
Love,
I've had a hard time with it too and I felt the same way, that I was just loving with all my heart. I felt too that I'm 42 and that it took so long to meet a person that made me feel the way I have like this was a once in a lifetime thing, and same thing with the boundaries, I knew what they were, but man did I have a hard time enforcing them, still have up to this point.
I've had a hard time with it too and I felt the same way, that I was just loving with all my heart. I felt too that I'm 42 and that it took so long to meet a person that made me feel the way I have like this was a once in a lifetime thing, and same thing with the boundaries, I knew what they were, but man did I have a hard time enforcing them, still have up to this point.
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
donefor,
This is an excellent thread and explains what recovery is all about.
I agree with you 100%, our actions come from our thinking and attitudes, but I don't believe that my thinking 'alone' magically changes things. When my 'thinking is stinking' I need to change. The steps reflect that we can change but steps 1-3 tell me that my thinking alone will not change things. I don't see how I could possible work a program without being willing to change my thinking (and actions) on a regular, daily basis.
If my thinking alone could make those changes, well then I wouldn't need the steps nor the HP referred to in them.
The program is all about:
for the newcomer here:
This is an excellent thread and explains what recovery is all about.
I agree with you 100%, our actions come from our thinking and attitudes, but I don't believe that my thinking 'alone' magically changes things. When my 'thinking is stinking' I need to change. The steps reflect that we can change but steps 1-3 tell me that my thinking alone will not change things. I don't see how I could possible work a program without being willing to change my thinking (and actions) on a regular, daily basis.
If my thinking alone could make those changes, well then I wouldn't need the steps nor the HP referred to in them.
The program is all about:
admitting that one has a serious, uncontrollable problem;
recognizing that a higher (spiritual) power can help;
inventorying and admitting character defects;
asking one's higher power for deliverance from these defects;
making amends to those one has harmed; and
helping others with the same problem.
recognizing that a higher (spiritual) power can help;
inventorying and admitting character defects;
asking one's higher power for deliverance from these defects;
making amends to those one has harmed; and
helping others with the same problem.
The Twelve Steps
1.We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2.Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3.Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4.Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5.Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6.Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7.Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8.Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9.Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10.Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11.Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12.Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Wikipedia® is a registered trademark of the Wikimedia Foundation, Inc., a US-registered 501(c)(3) tax-deductible nonprofit charity.
1.We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2.Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3.Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4.Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5.Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6.Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7.Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8.Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9.Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10.Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11.Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12.Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Wikipedia® is a registered trademark of the Wikimedia Foundation, Inc., a US-registered 501(c)(3) tax-deductible nonprofit charity.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
Hi Txs... you said it girl!! I believe that we have to learn to stand on our own two feet.. and just trust that God is with us and has a plan for our lives, a great plan!!! one without all the drama and hurt.... because we deserve it!!
lotsa love,
liz
lotsa love,
liz
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