3/22 Language of Letting Go
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
3/22 Language of Letting Go
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Letting Go of Being a Victim
It's okay to have a good day. Really.
It's okay to be doing okay and to feel like our life is manageable and on track.
Many of us have learned, as part of our survival behaviors, that the way to get the attention and approval we want is to be victims. If life is awful, too difficult, unmanageable, too hard, unfair, then others will accept, like, and approve of us, we think.
We may have learned this from living and associating with people who also learned to survive by being a victim.
We are not victims. We do not need to be victimized. We do not need to be helpless and out of control to get the attention and love we desire. In fact, the kind of love we are seeking cannot be obtained that way.
We can get the love we really want and need by only owning our power. We learn that we can stand on our own two feet, even though it sometimes feels good to lean a little. We learn that the people we are leaning on are not holding us up. They are standing next to us.
We all have bad days -- days when things are not going the way we'd like, days when we have feelings of sadness and fear. But we can deal with our bad days and darker feelings in ways that reflect self-responsibility rather than victimization.
It's okay to have a good day too. We might not have as much to talk about, but we'll have more to enjoy.
God, help me let go of my need to be a victim. Help me let go of my belief that to be loved and get attention I need to be a victim. Surround me with people who love me when I own my power. Help me start having good days and enjoying them.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Letting Go of Being a Victim
It's okay to have a good day. Really.
It's okay to be doing okay and to feel like our life is manageable and on track.
Many of us have learned, as part of our survival behaviors, that the way to get the attention and approval we want is to be victims. If life is awful, too difficult, unmanageable, too hard, unfair, then others will accept, like, and approve of us, we think.
We may have learned this from living and associating with people who also learned to survive by being a victim.
We are not victims. We do not need to be victimized. We do not need to be helpless and out of control to get the attention and love we desire. In fact, the kind of love we are seeking cannot be obtained that way.
We can get the love we really want and need by only owning our power. We learn that we can stand on our own two feet, even though it sometimes feels good to lean a little. We learn that the people we are leaning on are not holding us up. They are standing next to us.
We all have bad days -- days when things are not going the way we'd like, days when we have feelings of sadness and fear. But we can deal with our bad days and darker feelings in ways that reflect self-responsibility rather than victimization.
It's okay to have a good day too. We might not have as much to talk about, but we'll have more to enjoy.
God, help me let go of my need to be a victim. Help me let go of my belief that to be loved and get attention I need to be a victim. Surround me with people who love me when I own my power. Help me start having good days and enjoying them.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I no longer see myself as a victim in any way whatsoever, pre-alcoholic, with alcoholic or post alcoholic. This has been a huge change in my life and I am grateful every single day for it.
I no longer see myself as a victim in any way whatsoever, pre-alcoholic, with alcoholic or post alcoholic. This has been a huge change in my life and I am grateful every single day for it.
Finding Me Again
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Panama City Florida
Posts: 38
THANK YOU... It is true. I read this many years ago and yes it is hard to stand up and not lean sometimes. Eventually you learn if you need to lean, you can lean on the ones who truly love and support you. It is a life lesson learned (for me). As I learned from my AH, he told a TOTALLY INDEPENDENT woman and broke me into pieces. Once I realized I didnt have to live like that the pieces are now coming back together one at a time..... YEAH.. I will never be the same as I was before him just better after him.
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