obsessed

Well, lets see...I have not posted in a while but my 18 year old daughter moved back home. Things have been going pretty good so far but when she left rehab on her own the judge suspended her drivers license and I took her yesterday to get them back which she has to retake the written and driving test...she failed the written so she will have to retake it again. On our way to do that, I got soooo upset thinking about before she went to rehab and she let other people drive and I realize now that if something would have happened , I would have been a cooked duck!! I can't stand the thought of those people in a car that I worked and paid for. She told me that she will not do that again but I just don't know whether or not to believe her. Granted she is doing good but I don't know if it will last, I pray every night that she will but then I go back to the what ifs in this. I know I have to trust her until she messes up, and she has been making curfew and doing things around the house and has been easy to get along with. I told her if she screws up one time that the car will be parked....she wanted to know who the car belonged to and I told her it was mine and I am nice enough to let her use it.....she informed me she could not wait until she was able to buy her own car. So maybe I am freaking out before I should but I can't go through it again. She still says she does not need to go to meetings that she has it under control and I told her that is her addiction talking but I can't force her to go. Help!!!!!!!!!!

teke

glad to hear that she is doing good for now, and hope that she'll soon decide to go to meetings, but like you said, you can't force her to go and even if you could, it may not do much good. she has to want to for herself. as far as the car goes, i think thats your call to make, what is your gut feeling on this? sometimes its better to be safe than sorry. i think that it might would make you feel better if you did what makes you feel better. if its bothering you to let her have the car then, why are you allowing her to have it.

i think that it would be good if she can get her own car, at least you won't have to feel liable if something were to happen, god forbid. either way, a car won't stop her from using if thats what she chooses to do.

i had a car while i was active and i found that my car made it much easier to get drugs even when i didn't have money for it. sorry but i guess i just had a need to through that out there. try not to allow her to manipulate you into doing something that you don't feel comfortable with, jmop keeping all of you in my prayers

Brownie

Hi obsessed - Teke has given you something to think about - right? I'm a Mom of an addict just new to SR she is 40 - I think hitting that age was a trigger to starting her using again - it's diificult to admit that my daughter an addict and I'm a code - "Letting go and letting God" is very difficult for me - also trusting my daughter again - I just go numb which is good when it gets to be too much to bear. Keep posting and letting us know how you are coping - like a real code just like to bear your pain with you. Sending ((HUGS))

marle

The next time she messes up could be when she gets into an accident with your car or when she gets caught with substances on her and your car gets impounded. Could you buy her a junker and get minimal insurance on it and put it in her name. That way you don't have the liability. My daughter had an accident at 19 while under the influence of drugs. Her car but we were paying for it and the insurance was sky high already because the car was new. After the accident we took her off our insurance and took the car back. She was not working or going to college anymore so we figured she did not need the car. Luckily no one else was involved in the accident, but she was on a busy road when she nodded off and lost control. Better to be safe than sorry later and all addicts lie so protect yourself. Hugs, Marle

hopeforever

hi! the good things shes athome safe and is doing better!! thats good!!

i think the bestthing is not to drive the car while shes not sober for longlongtime,, its much safer,, less danger. GOD bless u!!

mooselips

Obsessed,
I agree the best way to go, is her own car, and her own insurance.
It'll give her something to work for.



I'm at a place in my head where I'm very wary to trust anyone, or anything.

Hugs from one mom to another....

BigSis

Big red flag.

I remember my daughter, when actively using, wrecked five cars in a little over a year. One might wonder, how the hell did she get her hands on FIVE different cars in such a short period of time?

You're look at her..... I was SO sure it was the right thing. She needed to get to school (she skipped to buy drugs)... She needed to get to work (she was "sick" so she could use....She had to take college level make up work (she lied and went and partied instead).

I vote let her buy her own car, and learn how hard it is to find that kind of money. It will teach her many lessons.

((hugs))

hopeforever

jsut wanted to send u some hugs and i hope everyting will begood!! amen

dontunderstand

My As wrecked 3 of our cars. totaled one, 10,000 of damage on another one and rear ended another car. He had his own car but he was using mine cause he didnt have gas in his. the one he totaled was also my car he didnt have his own car then. 3rd car was his dads. he was driving his dads while we had the other car he wrecked was being fixed and he had to work.
I would also vote having her to get her own car.My AS 21 doesnt drive any of our cars anymore. Also one thing I hate with the state I live in. He has insurance but he still lives at home. and if he doesnt pay his insurance we are liable !! So if he lives with us until he is 50 we are still liable for his insurance if he doesnt pay!!! good luck on whatever you decided.

helpus

My RAD is 21. Once I knew she was indeed an adict, I took her car off our insurence. She had to get it on her own. A friend of mine lost her son from another boy who was drinkning an driving. The parents were the ones who held the car insurence. There was just minimal coverage, so if she had wanted she could have sued the crap out of the parents, cuz the car and insurence were in their name. She didn't go after the parents, but she had the boy do public speaking for kids, to understand what can happen when drinking & driving.

Louise54

My as wrecked 2 cars also. They both were his. After we thought he was clean I was letting him drive my car. When we discovered he was using again, that was it. No more using my car. I had to drive him everywhere, but at least I knew my car and other people were safe.

We threw him out of the house about 3 weeks ago with no car and no money. Hopefully, he'll hit rock bottom and learn someday to appreciate everything he had when he was living at home.

parentrecovers

it's out of our control. heartbreaking, but out of our control. i sure think about all you moms, this is a tough disease. blessings, k