punkin_36

If I had a quarter for every time in the last 3 years that I said "tomorrow is when I start," I could buy myself something expensive. I used to think I had willpower. I think I'm realizing now that I have a life-long problem with addiction. I used to be addicted to pot, and was about 100 lbs overweight. I gave up pot and over 2 years lost 100 lbs....but in the process took up an addiction to Rum, and cocaine every couple weeks. I tried cutting out the alcohol and felt the need to eat instead. I rationalized it to myself with the understanding that I wasn't drinking, so I deserved it.

Over the last 8 months, I have gotten in this habit: One day, skip dinner because I got drunk. Next day, eat myself sick because I was starved and hungover. Next day, get drunk again. Repeat. Throw a couple all night coke binges in per month.

In the last 3 years, the longest I've gone without getting drunk is 4 days, and that was only once. I've also come to the realization that I can drink almost a 5th in a night.

I'm probably a perfect candidate for a stint in rehab, but that isn't an option for me. I'm a teacher, and actually a pretty good one. Yes, there have been a few days in the last 3 years that I've come into school and put a movie in for all my classes. But for the most part I'm a functional alcoholic. I can do my job well, and I'm in very good-standing. I think if I don't get my situation under control, that is bound to change.

I've realized that it doesn't matter what I tell myself at night, or when I wake up. By 3:30, the plan changes. I know that I'm not under control right now. I have high professional aspirations, and my alcoholism is my biggest hurdle.

I need something and I'm not sure what it is. I know exactly what I'm supposed to do, but I can't control the urge to throw that out the window and drink.

I could use some advice.

Thanks.

Surlyredhead

Hi Punkin, I am glad you are here. There is a lot of good support on this board, please read and post often. I am sure that in any situation you face, someone here will have gone through the same thing, and can help you along the way to recovery.

SRH

CarolD

Hello and Welcome to SR!

Here is info on the disease of alcoholism

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

That is a starting point I think.

Keep posting... we do understand

teej

Welcome to SR punkin!! Posting & reading on this board & AA have kept me sober for 40 days now, and 40 "one day at a time's". The link that Carol gave you is a great read. You learn a lot in that thread.

Glad you found us!!

Aysha

Hi punkin. Welcome.

As said above there is endless support here.

Hope to see you alot.

escape2day

I hear me in those parts of what you wrote. Esp. about "the plan changes". I can get in my car with good intentions and by the time I get almost to the drive thru that caters to my addiction..... I figure what the heck...better get it now or I'll have to trudge back out and get it later. I'm visualizing kicking back with a cold one and relaxing from the stress of the day.

Hope you find what you are looking for or maybe what you need to hear. I found this place yesterday and it makes for good reading (instead of drinking) and there are lots of supportive (understanding) folks too!!

ice10767

i havent had a drink in three days i was the same way i could do my maintance job which name it i do it i drank everclear thru out the day i work were i live so i was able to drink at well hang in their we can do this no doubt

mcdo1268

cant drink, and I cant not drink…that’s a dilemma…lack of power…until I recognize this truth about me, there is no need for a higher power…Once I admit this truth…then i become willing to discover this higher power through the remaining eleven steps. And that power will do for me what I can NOT do for myself…and the work goes on, because I will drink again if I stop…powerless over alcohol..... CANT DO IT ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Swimming

Go to a meeting. Just go. Dont think about it too much. I went to my first meeting, and it is really good talking about it.

Missymae737

Welcome Punkin to SR,

You have come to a great place. Keep posting. We are happy you are here...