Trying_in_Texas

Hey all...

Off topic question... short story is I met this guy at a concert last weekend... he asked me out and I said yes... I don't even really find him attractive, even though he's kind of cute (he's short, I'm being difficult)... but I didn't have my "I have a boyfriend" line and I was trying to put myself out there again... anyway, after he asked me out... I think he thought I left but I had to come back in to get a straggling friend... and he was making out with some skanky girl in a tube top!

I don't know if he saw me or if he remembers... but anyway, I just don't wanna do it. Just doesn't seem like the way to start a new potential r/s... just not "right".

Anyway... he called a couple times last night but didn't leave a message, so I didn't return the call. Then today, he calls from another number and I think it might be work-related so I answer... he caught me off-guard because I was at work... wanted to go to lunch... told him I was busy and maybe some other time... and got off the phone.

I don't plan on calling him back or going out with him.

Thing is, I feel like kind of a brat because I said "maybe some other time"... my reaction is just to never answer the phone for him again! Is that just awful? I know I should be a grown-up about it, but I heard a few things about him since then anyway and he hangs out at the bar constantly... and what do you say? "Hey buddy... made a mistake giving you my number because I don't even think you're cute and you make out with skanks and hang out at the bar all day... don't call me anymore." ???

I'm not quite that honest.

Is it okay if I just don't return his calls anymore?

Seems so rude, but better than the alternative... telling the truth... or making up some stupid story about why I can't see him.

This is the part of being single I didn't like...

kj0975

Let me tell you about my "first" date after being newly single. I thought the guy was cute (kinda) not hot though. He called caught me off guard asked me to dinner. THIS man was so cheap he just ate the free bread at dinner and I had the free appitizer YEP! Then for some odd reason I knew he had kids but I dont want to meet the kids not to be rude but I dont want to not on the second date at least. He invited me to come over out of my mind AGAIN I went over there. His kids were there they were brats and made me feel uncomfortable. Then he said: "Am I the only 10 who has ever asked you out"! I said "Your far from a 10 I would say at best a 6". Where he proceeded to call his ex's and ask them if he was a 10. I "said gotta let the dog out". He said "you dont have a dog". I said "I do NOW" and ran out the door never to look back!

It feels good to get positive attention when it hasnt been there for so long. I dont even know why I went on this date but unfortunatly I did. I didnt have a good gut feeling about this guy from the start. Follow your gut. Unless you want a funny story to pass on. Not funny then but it is now. Please I see a "10" every morning when I look in the mirror lol. He was no where close to what I am lol. Follow your gut dont answer your phone if it continues LIE!

helpus

You could just not answer his calls, but if you want to not have to be caught off gaurd or change you # then maybe just be honest. Say I'm sorry, I am really having second thoughts. i'm just not looking for a relationship right now. or ...You and your boyfriend of 3 years have just gotten back together so you are now unavailable. you know, honest stuff like that. Can I tell you what is sooo cool. Now I know what OT means. All this time I havn't really paid attention. At one point I thought it was a person. Holly crap, duh moment.

fleaSha

I would tell him the truth. You went back in to the place and saw him "talking" to another female... and you realized you are not ready for those feelings. I would tell him why and not hide from him. You may even find a friend in him rather than a date. ?? who knows. I just think you should tell him the truth.

dollydo

I like the truth...a straight forward deal.

He won't be hurt, he's busy smooching other woman.

Elana

Got to kiss a lot of frogs to find the prince.
I would tell him he is just another frog... just be straight.

He thinks he is a 10. He won't be hurt.

patchoulli

10 years ago, I met a very handsome man who owned a denture lab and rode bikes[my weakness]. We had made plans to go to a flea mkt on the weekend but on friday nite he called and invited me out to a local pub for a drink. I met him there. Well, he had 5 drinks to my one glass of wine and ended up spilling the last one on himself. I left, and the next morning he called to meet up to go to the flea mkt and although I wanted to ignore the phone, I felt like a coward so I answered and told him that I thought he was attractive but that because of my past, I could not get involved with a drinker and did not want to waste his time or mine. I saw him out a few times with another woman, and was glad for him, just could not stand the drinking

Ann

I'm going to sound like Dolly (lol) and everyone's mother...but...honesty is the easiest route in the long run. There are no complications and misunderstandings with honesty.

"I'm really sorry, but I've changed my mind, hope you understand."

"I'm not much into the drinking scene, so don't think we'd be a good match."

"I need more time with just me and am simply not ready to date right now."

"I forgot my sister was having open heart surgery this weekend and I just won't be able to make it." okay one little lie to see if you're paying attention haha

Did anyone notice that none of these answers attacked the other person. If he's a jerk (like the guy who smooched with Miss Tubetop) then he's a jerk and telling him won't change him....we all know that, yes?

Keeping it about us leaves no room for debate (am not, are so, am not) and gives it a clean cut.

I think we've all had enough of the games, lies, manipulations, and dishonesty and find the truth a refreshing and healthy change.

Hugs

teke

i did that once and changed my mind cause i caught a lie he told, 1 lie was a red flag, so i just told him that i am not interested and for him not to call my house anymore, please. that was that. of course i had to say it a little different the next day he called but he got the message.

i like the honest approach too.

Trying_in_Texas

Right... right... honesty is the best policy. Probably why I'm feeling like a brat for considering the avoidance policy in the first place.

I think I'm going to see if he calls again. I kind of made it sound like I would initiate the "some other time", so if he calls again without me even sounding the least bit interested today... then maybe I'll see he's too persistant and not feel so weird about just telling him I'm not interested.

Either way, though... going with my gut. I'm sure he's not a horrible guy... I mean, what lonely man wouldn't at least consider the chick in the tube top? I just don't want to go there again... I want a nice guy... who conducts himself like a nice guy in all aspects of his life... and not just when he thinks someone's watching.

So I guess if I want the nice guy I have to be the nice girl, huh? And a girl who mistakenly gives out her number and then refuses to deal with the consequences... well, she's still nice, but probably not being her true self.

dollydo

Jeez Ann, what's wrong with sounding like Dolly...it could be worse, really can't say how, but I know it could be...Lol....

Trying, sounds like a good plan!