gratitude for you

Old 03-20-2007, 11:36 AM
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gratitude for you

New to the group and new to this life. I have appreciated all the posts and have spent the past 3 days reading and reading.

I found out one week and one day ago that my 21 year old daughter was addicted to oxycontin and heroin. My husband and I drove to the town where she was attending college (we thought) and got her out of her apartment and into detox. That was last Tuesday. She got out of detox yesterday (Monday) morning and we drove her straight to a halfway house. She was up for it and happy to get help. It is a seven month program and they boast a 67% long-term sobriety rate for everyone who completes the entire 7 month program. It is also a women's facility. They are very strict but she was up for it. This morning (after less than 24 hours) I got a call from the manager that she had gotten on the bus and left. I don't know where she is and I'm trying not to worry. I'm trying to "detach."

She has all kinds of issues going on in addition to the drug addiction. She is on some depression meds, is codependent, etc. etc. I'm pretty sure she went looking for her boyfriend. She told some of the other girls that she was going to her boyfriend's house and then to check into another halfway house. That's not going to happen though. I called the boyfriend's house and left a message that she can call me and I'll take her to another halfway house if that one didn't work out. Please don't use drugs again, just call me and we'll try a different one. But I'm not going over there and chase her around anymore.

When she got out of the detox she was really emotional. She had spent the last 90 days in a drug haze and I think when she got out of detox she realized how screwed up she was. I think she was still feeling withdrawal effects as well. I thought the best thing to do was get her into a super structured halfway house that specializes in women's problems. The people there were not very friendly and she was so depressed going in. A lot of the women there had been in and out of jail, in and out of detox centers and halfway houses. This is her first experience and all she wanted to do was come home with me but I didn't trust myself. I don't know what to do because this problem is so huge - I couldn't even see what was under my own nose.

I've appreciated reading all the posts and am trying to put the recommendations to work. My first nar-anon meeting is this Saturday. There's only one per week in my entire state - yuck - so I'll have to wait. Meanwhile I'm reading this website.

Thanks for reading.
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:31 PM
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Welcome. My daughter is soon to be 21 and she is also an Oxy, heroin addict. She lives with her 37 year old crack addicted boyfriend who is only too happy to keep her supplied with drugs. About a year and a half ago she went to rehab. Came home after 5 days. Relapsed two weeks later and since then has had a 3 month clean stint. She says she wants help but won't call. I have given her addiction back to her, have not done anything for her since June. I pray for her everyday and give her to God. I am sorry that you are going through this with your daughter, but you sound like you know that you can't control what she does. That is a very good place to start. Hugs, Marle
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Old 03-20-2007, 01:37 PM
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Hi,
My son has been using since he was 16. He's 27 now and has spent the last 10 months in a jail alternative rehabilitation program. He has been in and out of halfway houses and always went voluntarily except for once when he was released into custody of a private halfway house instead of doing jail time.

The Naranon meetings will help and you might want to look into Alanon too because sometimes there are more of them to choose from.The principles for the codependents are the same in both programs. For many years my home group was Alanon. I also got help from attending open NA and AA meetings. I learned there how it is for the addict/alcoholic and the strength of their programs was inspiring.

I'm so glad you found this forum and look forward to seeing you around.
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Old 03-20-2007, 02:03 PM
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Upsidedown,
Welcome to Sober Recovery, I'm glad you found us.

I am the mother of 2 addict sons, they are 28, and 33.
It has been a long hard road.

Have you attended any meetings? They're wonderful support, and can help you along the way.

Glad you're here.

Hugs from one mom to another.
P.S. I hope she calls.
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Old 03-20-2007, 04:37 PM
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Welcome,

Glad you will be attending meetings, they will help...so will posting here, lots of great Mom's who are going through the same thing you are.
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Old 03-20-2007, 05:05 PM
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welcome, glad you found us but hate the circumstance. my husband and i both are recovering addicts. addiction is a very powerful force and it will take a "do or die" determination to get clean and stay clean, and this is something that only your daughter can do for herself. glad that you will be going to meetings, they help a lot. keeping you and your family in my prayers.
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Old 03-20-2007, 05:22 PM
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Welcome, you've come to a good place. My son is an addict and I know your pain. I'm so glad you found a meeting, that will help you more than you know. Some good reading material is "Codependent No More" By Melody Beattie, it's a great book that explains so much about codependency in language we can understand.

Make yourself comfortable, keep sharing and walk with us on this journey.

Special prayers go out for your daughter, that she may find a good path and stay on it.

Hugs
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Old 03-20-2007, 08:28 PM
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Good grief, I am losing it lately.

What I meant to say was...I attend Alanon meetings, because there are no Naranon meetings in my area, they have good support for you also.


Hugs,
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Old 03-20-2007, 08:35 PM
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Sending hugs and prayers your way! The addict in my life is my 20 yr old daughter (cocaine DOC). I know how your are feeling. You came to a good place. These folks have helped me a lot. Keep posting and reading and know that we are walking this path with you.
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Old 03-20-2007, 09:26 PM
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Welcome. This is a wonderful place to be. It won't be long before you really feel like you are at home here. You are in my prayers tonight.
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Old 03-21-2007, 04:49 AM
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welcome to S.R. i am glad you found us. keep reading the post,& all the stickys.you are doing the right things. you can not make your daughter seek help until she wants it.the addict in my life is my son.prayers for u both,hope
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Old 03-21-2007, 04:53 AM
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I say "Welcome" to you too! I am sorry you came here as so many of us did, hurting and worried, but this is great place. Post as often as you like and we will try to help you as best we can.
Hugs & prayers to you.
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Old 03-21-2007, 08:06 AM
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hi and welcome to SR. I'm the mother of a 22yr old heroin addict. He too was in and out of treatment since he was 17 including the army. it's a long road for us and them. my son doesn't want to ever do drugs again but that damn addiction grabs at him. he drugg free now for 4 months but I will always worry. But its up to him to stop, I will help by providing phone numbers and phone numbers only and he knows this. well in telling you all this I hope you know you're not alone.

good luck and prayers to you and your family
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Old 03-21-2007, 08:48 AM
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welcome, upsidedown. i'm sorry to hear about your daughter's addiction. it is a difficult disease, i understand. my daughter is 22 and was a handful of days from six months clean and sober from alcohol and cocaine abuse, when she relapsed last week. as parents, the fear is painful, very painful.

there are many folks at my alanon meetings who deal with drug addictions, as well as alcohol - if you don't feel you have enough meeting options. my husband and i also do some private counseling, and that also helps us very much.

remember this about your daughter's addiction - you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you cannot control it.

keep posting your feelings and educating yourself. meanwhile, i'll pray for your family.

recovery is possible, k
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Old 03-21-2007, 08:52 AM
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Welcome to a soft place to fall...I know for myself, the experience here has been a god send.

You have found in this site wisdom, strength, understanding, laughter, more than that, you have found the fact that you are not alone in this ugly war of addiction...your army is united!

Thinking of you today!

Sheila
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Old 03-21-2007, 09:35 AM
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more gratitude to you all

Thank you so much for all the replies. It breaks my heart to know that people who are going through so much anguish in their lives can care for mine. I did hear from my daughter. She fled the halfway house and went to her bf's. Her addiction to this totally destructive relationship is on an equal par with her drug addiction. This person is currently clean but has major problems of his own. She gets frantic when we talk about them breaking away from each other. I told her she could go back to that halfway house, go and try another halfway house, or come home with me but one of my rules would be that she could no longer continue her relationship with this person. She really wants to come home but she got hysterical when I gave her the last restriction. She started hyperventilating and said she just wanted to die because she's made such a mess of her life and she's let her family down. At that point I took her to the e.r. and she was checked into the mental health ward. She'll be there for five days. She has struggled with depression for years but never been suicidal. So I have some relief that she won't be out on the streets for a couple days but what's next? What do I do when she gets out? I've learned through reading all these posts that she has done what most addicts have done - gotten herself in a ton of debt over the drug (no to mention gotten me into a ton of debt) and then she flunked out of college and now our insurance will be dropping her effective June of last year. The hospital only admitted her last night was because apparently the paperwork has not caught up with us yet. What a mess. I wonder if I should treat this crazy addiction to the bf the same as a drug addiction? Should I not try to control it or cure it? Or should I look at it as a mental health issue and try to get her the best mental health help possible? And once that is underway, maybe we can pick up with the post-detox plans to go to a meeting a day (at least), etc. I think there are two separate problems here. Sorry to ramble. Thank you again for all your replies. I'm sorry for the lady whose sister attempted suicide last night. For what it's worth I think taking the phone off the hook was a really smart and courageous thing to do.
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Old 03-21-2007, 10:10 AM
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((((((upsidedown)))))))

Just wanted to welcome you to sr.
My 25 yo son is the addict in my life.
So glad you made it here. This is truly
a good place, where others can offer
support, prayers, and advice.
Keep coming back.
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Old 03-21-2007, 10:20 AM
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i'm sorry that you are going through all of this, i think that you are doing all you know how to do, but unfortunately, your daughters decisiona are hers to own. it maynot be the bf's fault that she is feeling the way she is, it maybe that she was just not ready to stop.

i'm a recovering addict and i know that depression goes with the territory. glad that she is safe in the hospital and hope that from there she can make a decision to get sober and stay sober, but she'll have to want to. if you like, you can continue to try to help her and spend more money or you can allow her the chance to help herself.

don't mean any harm by saying this but sometimes it helps more for the love ones to step back and allow them to suffer the consequences of their own actions. she may have to hit her bottom and that bottom may not be what you expect it to be. keeping you and yours in my prayers, i pray that your daughter finds her way soon.
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