What will it take to make him stop drinking/using?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 37
What will it take to make him stop drinking/using?
This weekend my brother went out, drank and used drugs, and ended up getting jumped at a party after running his mouth. Now he has a broken jaw that requires surgery. This isn't his first major injury... he broke his cheek bone while drunk last year.
I'm just wondering how much more it's going to take before he gets the picture... that drugs and alcohol cause the problems? Right now he feels like a victim. He is a victim of a crime, but I feel that he put himself in that situation due to his drinking and drug use. However, he doesn't seem to be taking any responsibility for it. If he never takes responsibility, how will he ever get better? This is out of control.
I'm just wondering how much more it's going to take before he gets the picture... that drugs and alcohol cause the problems? Right now he feels like a victim. He is a victim of a crime, but I feel that he put himself in that situation due to his drinking and drug use. However, he doesn't seem to be taking any responsibility for it. If he never takes responsibility, how will he ever get better? This is out of control.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i don't think that i've met you yet, welcome, glad to meet you. i agree with you on all points. sorry but your brother may have to reach his rock bottom before he realize that he has a problem and needs help. there is nothing that you or anyone can do to help him, he has to want to help himself. maybe its time for you to think about how his addiction has effected you and what you can do to help yourself to better cope with it. sorry that you are going through this, and i will keep you and your brother in my prayers. i pray that he finds his way soon.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Posts: 585
Welcome!! What has been said is true. Only he can stop, no one or nothing can make him, not even jail because there are plenty of drugs and hooch in jail too.
He has to want to stop. Until he "sees the light", he'll continue on his current path. This is not happy for you to hear, I know, but it is the honest truth.
He has to want to stop. Until he "sees the light", he'll continue on his current path. This is not happy for you to hear, I know, but it is the honest truth.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I Agree with all of the above.
I feel so bad for you.
As a user I have done what your brother is doing so many times. I have looked my grams in the face and see she is shaking and on the verge of a break down and I still keep at her for money or whatever. I am thinking "look what I am doing" But the urge to get high squashes that.
I have been shot..lost cars..almost had my grams pulled out of the car by her hair because I begged her to take me to a real dangerous area so I could get drugs.
I hate I did that. I can't believe I did that. She is the one person in this world I would kill somebody over. But I am the one who hurts her the most. And she still loves me unconditionaly. She is the sweetest cotton candy at the fair.
It's sad but there is nothing anyone can do for him. All you can do is love him. Anything else has to be done by him.
And yea.. It is sickening the levels people will go and still not get it. I am one of those people.
And by all means. Take of yourself. You can't help someone who doesnt want it. I wish it were different.
I hope you find peace for yourself. We are all here for you.
I feel so bad for you.
As a user I have done what your brother is doing so many times. I have looked my grams in the face and see she is shaking and on the verge of a break down and I still keep at her for money or whatever. I am thinking "look what I am doing" But the urge to get high squashes that.
I have been shot..lost cars..almost had my grams pulled out of the car by her hair because I begged her to take me to a real dangerous area so I could get drugs.
I hate I did that. I can't believe I did that. She is the one person in this world I would kill somebody over. But I am the one who hurts her the most. And she still loves me unconditionaly. She is the sweetest cotton candy at the fair.
It's sad but there is nothing anyone can do for him. All you can do is love him. Anything else has to be done by him.
And yea.. It is sickening the levels people will go and still not get it. I am one of those people.
And by all means. Take of yourself. You can't help someone who doesnt want it. I wish it were different.
I hope you find peace for yourself. We are all here for you.
Last edited by Aysha; 03-19-2007 at 08:23 PM.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 37
Thank you all for the support. Honestly, I worry about my mom dealing with my brother more than I worry about myself. He is totally dependent on her and she is drowning with all of this. I have tried so many times to get her to kick him out of the house and cut him off completely unless he gets help, but she refuses.
She had to agree to pay the bills for this latest injury because he doesn't have insurance or even a job... they refused to do his surgery otherwise. She can't afford this. She will live out her retirement years in poverty because he has completely drained her. I told her she shouldn't have to pay for this... that it should be his responsibility and surely it was illegal for them to refuse to do a necessary surgery just because of lack of ability to pay. However, she was exhausted and said they weren't going to do it and that she would just have to find a way to pay for it.
I hate my brother for dragging my mom down like this. I can't force my mom to let go, though, so I suppose she's making the decision to stay enmeshed in this situation with him. I guess I have to accept that I may lose both of them to this whole thing... so sad and unfair.
She had to agree to pay the bills for this latest injury because he doesn't have insurance or even a job... they refused to do his surgery otherwise. She can't afford this. She will live out her retirement years in poverty because he has completely drained her. I told her she shouldn't have to pay for this... that it should be his responsibility and surely it was illegal for them to refuse to do a necessary surgery just because of lack of ability to pay. However, she was exhausted and said they weren't going to do it and that she would just have to find a way to pay for it.
I hate my brother for dragging my mom down like this. I can't force my mom to let go, though, so I suppose she's making the decision to stay enmeshed in this situation with him. I guess I have to accept that I may lose both of them to this whole thing... so sad and unfair.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i'm so sorry to hear about your mom too. still, as sad as it is, there is nothing that you can really do to help her understand what she is not ready to face.
have you tried to give her some of the info that you have acquired, or invited her to a meeting? whether your have or not, the decision is still her's to make, sorry this is happening. i pray that your mother gets tired and that your brother finds his way soon. keeping all of you guys in my prayers.
have you tried to give her some of the info that you have acquired, or invited her to a meeting? whether your have or not, the decision is still her's to make, sorry this is happening. i pray that your mother gets tired and that your brother finds his way soon. keeping all of you guys in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Out on the Ocean Blue
Posts: 272
Gosh ElektryEye so sorry for your Mom! Can she join us? Does she go to 12 Steps? I always feel sorry for the Moms - my ex father-in-laws children all died first - my ex MIL died just when my first was born. Don't know what to say to help her but will send her a special (((((((HUG))))))))
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
I agree with everyone ....take care of yourself and ask your mom to read some of the stories on this website.
I'm the mother of an addict and so are alot of people here, she might feel better knowing shes not alone
I'm the mother of an addict and so are alot of people here, she might feel better knowing shes not alone
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I hate to hear that about your mom. I do/did that to my grams. She raised me and has been my enabler and really does the same things you are talking about for me.
My family doesnt hate me but they aren't happy and have told her she is not helping the situation.
I haven't done anything in a long time to her but yet she still enables.
Just be there for your mom. I know it gets frustrating she keeps doing that. But she will need someone to look after her. That is her son and obviously she loves him and can't just turn her back just as my grams does.
Just as an addict needs to get to a point for themselves so will your mom.
And to be honest..I hate to say it. But if it wasnt for my grams I would be in alot worse place then I am. But Thank God at the same time because of her I have also relized I can't keep doing this to myself or her. So now she is my fuel to get clean.
Just love them both and help your mom stay strong. She is going to need support too.
My family doesnt hate me but they aren't happy and have told her she is not helping the situation.
I haven't done anything in a long time to her but yet she still enables.
Just be there for your mom. I know it gets frustrating she keeps doing that. But she will need someone to look after her. That is her son and obviously she loves him and can't just turn her back just as my grams does.
Just as an addict needs to get to a point for themselves so will your mom.
And to be honest..I hate to say it. But if it wasnt for my grams I would be in alot worse place then I am. But Thank God at the same time because of her I have also relized I can't keep doing this to myself or her. So now she is my fuel to get clean.
Just love them both and help your mom stay strong. She is going to need support too.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
