Lil Misfit

Hi - I'm Michele and I'm an alcoholic.

I have mixed emotions saying that. It feels good to finally put it out there, but it also feels like I'm admitting that I'm weak. This is all very new to me and I hope to meet some people to help support me on my journey.

Midas

Hiya Michele! Welcome aboard. We're glad you're here.

Clean4today

Hi, Michele
welcome to SR
I am new too. Addict with 34 days clean. Your not weak, just powerless of alcohol. Do you go to AA?

Aysha

Hi Michelle and welcome to the board.

Oh how often I use to think how weak I would be sayin I am an addict.

How weak am I because I can't do it alone?

Admitting it takes courage.

Your on your way. Good luck.

CarolD

welcome and Hello!

I'm Carol.an alcoholic in AA recovery.

Congratulations on seeking answers

ayla zaire

welcome michelle..........i'm glad you found us here......it is tough to admit you have a problem like alcoholism, and you are so brave to come here and say it.......i can relate, i remember my hands were shaking the first time i posted here that i was addicted to vicoden.......it was like typing those words forced me to not only admit that i was an addict to strangers, but to really admit it to myself for the first time......you should be proud of yourself that you had the courage to type those 7 words.....

you are in the company of kindred spirits here......and you will find a lot of support..you are going to like it here......there are a lot of kind and understanding people here....

hugs
ayla

Lil Misfit

Oh Wow - I never expected to receive so many responses so quick. You all have totally made my day (night). Thank you. I've been trying to post some smilies but for some reason, I'm having issues (may be b/c I have a mac...)

Lil Misfit

Thanks. No, haven't been to AA. Pretty wary of it, since I've worked in mental health and don't prescribe to organized religion. Maybe I should give it a try, but I'm still wary...

Midas

AA is hardly an "organized religion". ROFL.

Peterson

Hi Michele, I know exactly how you feel!!!!! When I woke up almost a week ago and told myself I was an alcoholic. I admitted it to myself.

Then to admit it to everyone, just typing it on here, was VERY hard. I know what you mean about feeling weak. I felt the same way.

I have always been, or tried to be, so strong. You are strong by admitting it. You are strong by being here. I am with you girl!

We will all win day by day. Keep it up!!!!

CarolD

If you are curious about AA meetings
check this out please

http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/F...A_Meeting.html

Keep posting You are not alone in your struggles.

Pilgrim

Hi Michele,

Welcome to SR. I agree that it is not a weak thing to do to admit being an alcoholic. It is very brave. You are not alone. I would like to hear more.

Hope

Lil Misfit

Day 1 - Here I am, feeling like **** for drinking last night. I wrote down how I was feeling before I went to bed last night so I could read it this morning. It's a real slap in the face, to see my own handwriting reading the following:

* I don't feel any better
* In fact I feel worse
* I feel guilty
* I hate myself for what I've done to my body
* I deserve better than this
* Why do I keep hurting myself?
* Nothing good came out of me drinking tonight
* I still feel lost and helpless
* Even more so now
* Why did I hurt myself this way?
* It's not worth it
* This isn't me. It's not who I am
* I don't want to feel like this tomorrow

Really puts things in perspective. Thank you all so much for your support.

Peterson

Good morning Michele,

It's amazing what we see the day after. My problem was that I would always get to a point where I don't remember, so writing it down would have been interesting. If I remembered to do that.

The day after my last drink. 1 week ago today. I thought about all the reasons why I didn't like feeling the way I did that morning. What I did the night before. Not to mention it was the worse hang over in 10 years. Almost even worse than anything in college.

My best friend forced me out of bed later that afternoon and threw me in the shower. Told me to get moving, I'll feel better, etc.

Of course my head was pouding so I didn't want that. But I did after enough prodding. He talked to me about the night before and I was shocked at what I did, said. I guess I was even staring at a bottle of pills, saying that it wouldn't matter if I was gone. Why would I do that? I have such great kids.

I see Alcohol, being a depressant, pulling out our fears about ourself. What we are afraid of admitting, saying, doing, dealing with, etc.

You are reflecting in those moments. I know you can take those thoughts and turn them into something positive. To move forward. To take that step. If that is what you want.

I'm here if you ever need to talk. I think we have similar stories? Maybe not. But I know I wanted to stop several times, said I was going to.

I am powerless over alcohol. I can not just take one drink. And that is okay. Because without it, my new life has begun and it is just another old friend that I don't need in my life anymore. As it wasn't a very good friend.

Hang in there. Happy thoughts to you today.

Talluleh

Welcome Michele, I love that you wrote that stuff down, what a good perspective on the whole thing. We can get so caught up in the 'drinking is fun' but reality tells us it's really NOT.

Peterson, I hear you about the blackouts. Good to see you still here and hanging in there!

Lil Misfit

I dumped 2 bottles of vodka down the sink today and it felt good. I will get through today. I know it. And I'll get through the next day, and the next day, etc....Thank you all so much for your support.

Talluleh

Excellent that you poured it out!! Why tempt yourself. You can get through today, just concentrate on today. Tomorrow will be here soon enough and you can worry about it then.

Keep posting!

teej

Hiya Michele!!!!! Welcome to SR!! You sound very determined
Onward we go girl!!!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Lil Misfit

I am determined!