Tearing Down Walls
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Tearing Down Walls
By God's Grace, the fellowship of AA, and the wonderful people here in our community, I have been able to stay sober for over four years. Prior to that, I had trouble staying sober for even four hours!
I'm awfully sorry I was 20 years late for my first meeting. I vaguely recall going to a meeting many years before I was actually ready to quit. And, at that time, I thought it was just a room full of do-gooders and burnt out shriners who couldn't hold their liquor. The odd irony is, finding out I was one of those burnt out shriners who eventually would end up capable of handling everyone's liquor in the entire bar! And still want more.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. So here I am, rapidly approaching the 5 year mark. Lately, I've had to take a hard look at some of uglier aspects of my character flaws. Yes, even I have them. I'm far from perfect--despite my perfectionist nature. And I'm learning to accept things as they are without changing them to meet my expectations. I have a hard time accepting myself, without wanting to change everything to meet other people's expectations. Surely, I may fall short of their vision, but I still have to live with my limitations.
I am NOT superman -- I do not have an S cape any longer!!
But as I tear down walls that I've meticulously worked on building up higher and higher, I can start to see the surroundings I was isolating myself from. Are you still building walls? Or are you trying to tear them down so you can meet the neighbors after all these years?
Ha! But who says you can't throw on a course of brick & mortar if you don't like them? We should always try to practice love and tolerance, especially where other members are concerned. That's not a blessed absolute, either. You can't always love all of them, and you sure can't tolerate certain ones. When that's the case, it's time to move on.
Out of fear of being rejected, I sometimes run, thinking I can outsmart myself. Well, that's not the case since I'm not under the spell of alcohol any more. The bottom line here, is that I wish to declare that I am open, accessible, empathetic, and kind. Even as a moderator, I have a heart, and I'm sympathetic to numerous causes. Yes, even yours.
I meant to stay away for a week, in order to look inward. But I just couldn't stay away.
Love You All. Peace Be With You.
~Barry.
I'm awfully sorry I was 20 years late for my first meeting. I vaguely recall going to a meeting many years before I was actually ready to quit. And, at that time, I thought it was just a room full of do-gooders and burnt out shriners who couldn't hold their liquor. The odd irony is, finding out I was one of those burnt out shriners who eventually would end up capable of handling everyone's liquor in the entire bar! And still want more.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. So here I am, rapidly approaching the 5 year mark. Lately, I've had to take a hard look at some of uglier aspects of my character flaws. Yes, even I have them. I'm far from perfect--despite my perfectionist nature. And I'm learning to accept things as they are without changing them to meet my expectations. I have a hard time accepting myself, without wanting to change everything to meet other people's expectations. Surely, I may fall short of their vision, but I still have to live with my limitations.
I am NOT superman -- I do not have an S cape any longer!!
But as I tear down walls that I've meticulously worked on building up higher and higher, I can start to see the surroundings I was isolating myself from. Are you still building walls? Or are you trying to tear them down so you can meet the neighbors after all these years?
Ha! But who says you can't throw on a course of brick & mortar if you don't like them? We should always try to practice love and tolerance, especially where other members are concerned. That's not a blessed absolute, either. You can't always love all of them, and you sure can't tolerate certain ones. When that's the case, it's time to move on.
Out of fear of being rejected, I sometimes run, thinking I can outsmart myself. Well, that's not the case since I'm not under the spell of alcohol any more. The bottom line here, is that I wish to declare that I am open, accessible, empathetic, and kind. Even as a moderator, I have a heart, and I'm sympathetic to numerous causes. Yes, even yours.
I meant to stay away for a week, in order to look inward. But I just couldn't stay away.
Love You All. Peace Be With You.
~Barry.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
I'm so glad to see you back Barry!
Great post!
I think it's always good to pause, especially at a milestone point that will soon be reaching, and look back to see what we've learned and how far we've come. It sounds like you've been working on letting go of controlling things in your life. That's something I work on too.
Great post!
I think it's always good to pause, especially at a milestone point that will soon be reaching, and look back to see what we've learned and how far we've come. It sounds like you've been working on letting go of controlling things in your life. That's something I work on too.
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