Trying_in_Texas

Hey all...

Well, if you don't know, I finally broke up with ex-ABF two weeks ago today... it had been coming since his arrest in November, but I just kept hanging on... (shocking for a codependent, I know)...

Anyway, also in the last two weeks I officially asked someone to sponsor me in my Alanon group, and she said yes! I have known her almost all my life, but as an acquaintance...

Well, the other day she asked me if I would like to meet this single friend of hers. I have heard a lot about him since he moved here but haven't ever met him. I asked her what he was like, and she said, "Well, he's smart... he works hard... he's cute... and he isn't an alcoholic or a drug addict."

I actually thought, "Well, I guess I could try something completely new!"

However, I am wondering if it is too soon to meet a new person. I know that we could end up totally not even liking each other... or just being friends... I don't know.

Anyway, nothing is official yet... but I think that my sponsor is planning on some way to introduce us in the near future.

Just wanted thoughts on this... I don't know if I am ready.

teke

i htink that it could be good to meet new people, you'll know whether you are ready for anything more than a friend. he's not a addict? if you think that you are ready to meet a new aquantance, then why not? jmop

Brownie

I agree with Teke you will just know when you are ready so in the meantime take care of yourself and when you go out - go out for fun not to meet someone - someone having fun is most attractive so watch out - someone feeling sorry for themselves are gullible and can easily be manipuated.

Elana

Meeting a new person and not expecting anything more than being (perhaps) a friend would be good.

If the intent is romance it is likely too soon.
They say for every 5 years you are in a committed relationship it takes one year to get over of it. Seems long but maybe not? I am absolutely committed to one year out of anything (after the last 6 years) .. and rightnow I don't WANT anything.

I am not opposed to friends tho.. male or female.

Trying_in_Texas

Elana... I don't think that calculation sounds like too long... I guess if ex-ABF and I were together for almost three... I need about 6 or 7 months... that will fly by, I feel sure... I don't think that would be bad.

I think everyone's right... as long as it really is just for a friendship, that's okay. I can't imagine wanting to be romantic with another person right now... wounds seem too fresh... can't imagine kissing someone, touching someone else... not because I want ex-ABF, but just because I think it would be too raw... plus, I am also afraid that I would get too deep too fast, especially with someone who may just be genuine... I've done that before, and then the person isn't "exciting" or "dramatic" enough and I just hurt another person, and then I feel really bad.

Anyway, isn't this funny... haven't even met this guy yet! He might think I'm too much or something... aw well. Always nice for someone to think that you'd be a nice match for someone described as cute (very cute, that makes me nervous, actually), smart, and hardworking.

faithhopelovejr

Go for it girl! Surround yourself with positive. If this person has something positive to contribute, then it should be ok. I know that we should busy ourselves with kids, hobbies, and other things that are positive influences to our newly found detachment. Good luck!

p.s. Did I mention "positive?" :-)

Trying_in_Texas

Thanks.

Yeah, I guess it is a little bit of my craziness coming through that I actually question whether or not it would be a good idea to hang out with someone who is apparently cute, smart, and hardworking, huh?

teke

just to add that i almost want to scream "HE'S NOT AN ADDICT" just kidding, be careful, though. you are right, especially if you feel that you maybe still be emotionally raw.

patchoulli

I was thinking about the same thing today. I don't know how long it will take to move on. I just know in my heart that I will. I loved him, I miss him, but he was not the person I was in love with for a long time. I spent months of confusion ,anger, and resentment without knowing the reason for the change. Now I know...I do know that I will not get mixed up with someone in addiction, or even in recovery unless they have many years[Keith had over a year when we met]. You have nothing to lose by meeting someone nice...and god forbid...sober....good luck...

Trying_in_Texas

Hey Patch...

I know you are going through something a lot different than my situation... but I do identify with your feelings that my ex-ABF was not the person I was in love with for a long time before this... not most of the time, anyway. So even though it is still relatively fresh in terms of time... it doesn't feel the same as it has when I've broken up with other boyfriends in the past, because it was such a long time in coming.

I also agree that I am going to fight tooth and nail not to end up with another addict or alcoholic... as much as I understand that it is a disease, and not something for me to try and control... I just know that if I have been given this fresh start then I can't risk it anymore. I have seen some wonderful, wonderful stories of recovery... but also some very horrible stories as well. It is very cunning, very baffling... and very unpredictable.

I would like something stable for a change.

loveon2legs

Hey there girlfriend... funny you should bring this up...
My X and seperated not even a month ago... it's almost like some invisible radar is around me.... A good friend of mine who I knew prior to being involved with the X all of a sudden showed up.... and the great thing about it all is that we are both in "recovery" and are going to church together and studying the bible, and we were soooo not like that before......it has been so wonderful it has brought such a new sense of peace that I honestly haven't felt before.....
If it feels right with you, then go for it, strangers are only friends you haven't met yet!!!

lotsa love,
liz

dollydo

About 2 months I hooked up with a guy who loves to cook, so, we cook together most every Sunday, have dinner parties and so on..We are just friends, nothing going on...but, we have fun.

After 7 months I met a guy, we date, he doesn't drink or do drugs, at first it seemed odd, no chaos. it's great...he is my new boy toy, fine lad...nothing serious on my part, seems he would like more, I am not ready, probably never will be. I love living alone, coming and going as I please, accountable only to me.

Go out, have some fun, you deserve it.

hope213

sounds good to me,i would go meet him.you deserve a different kind of life.hugs,

Wascally Wabbit

There's nothing wrong with meeting someone new. The trick is not to have expectations. Just enjoy the time you spend with the person, and if there's something there, it will develop on its own.
Good luck!

tropikgal2

Go out and have fun! LIke was said before, even if it just friendship, everyone needs friends!! Plus, friendship is the best foundation for something deeper, if it turns into that.

frankie_b

Go for it. It's not such a big deal...you're just meeting someone. Enjoy and
see what comes. exabf is history...hooooorayyyyy

Trying_in_Texas

Again, thanks for all your wonderful advice.

Dolly... I feel certain that I won't be able to get back into a serious relationship either... even in my super-serious relationship with my ex-ABF, it actually irritated me when he would want to stay at my house or make too many plans... because I, too, enjoy being able to have my own place, do whatever I want with my free time, etc. I don't know how I'm ever going to be married. Sometimes I wonder if that was why I was attracted to my ex-ABF... because there was no real possibility of us having a future together. I probably should work on that... I'm 24, so I still think I should be open to a little more intimacy!

kj0975

AHHHH 24 PRIME years enjoy them date as much as you can, meet as many people as you can. When your my age 31 you can look back and smile at all the fun you had. I never thought I would be able to live with someone either I lived alone for a long time. I would have slumber parties , but they would leave the next day NO extended sleep overs. Then I met my now fiance who knew 4yrs later we would be planning a wedding and living together. The nice part is, is that I didnt have to give up who I am or my dreams to wonder what the hell he was/is doing or when I would get the crying phone call saying "I messed up again". NICE. Enjoy life its too short to be unhappy. Enjoy 24, being sexy, fun, and single!

hopeforever

lol you never know unless you try lol
so you might as well go and see him!! maybe its ur luck? who knows??
good luck trying in texas!!
GOD bless u

faithhopelovejr

Texas is full of "bubbas" and that is meant in a derogatory way too. So many men in Texas have these expectations that women are to be barefoot and preggors, depend on them and then when they get tired of them, just divorce them. It makes for good conversation at the lunch tables in a lot of the chemical plants around here. My AH told me plenty of stories that he heard. I would just say oh those are just a bunch of bubbas consoling each other. Really. I think it's something to do with being beneath the Bible Belt. It's nice living in the South with good food, crawfish and southern hospitality, but there are too many bubbas down here!