teke

wanta share your thoughts? any thought, don't matter to who about what.
just want to hear whats on your mind today.


ME; today, whats going through my head right now. i think about how my rah gets on my nerves asking me anything about the money that he gives me for the house, when i've been providing for my own household for the whole time. doing without, trying to provide for me and OUR kids while he was out providing for his habit, living with his mom, living the life.

there is no way that i'm gonna spend all of my money so i'll have to depend on him. i just don't like living so close to the edge. call me selfish, i call me safe.

just sharing my thoughts, just to get it out, now that feels better.

feel free to share yours about whatever, go ahead and get it out, if you want to.

parentrecovers

i am not going to be forced into making any decisions that i don't have time to think through. i refuse to get caught up in the chaos. i can't cure it, i can't control it. i have choices. blessings, k

wheretobegin

Hi Teke...

My thoughts for today are so scattered. The foremost thought is, I started filling out a job application (I am employed, but have been presented with another opportunity to make more money) one of the questions was to list three references not related to you, with whom you have known for a year. Well, since I moved to Oklahoma a year ago, I have NO ONE, the only people I associate with (not related to me) are the people I work with. I feel so sad about that...I miss having girlfriends...I miss the interaction of talking, sharing and exploring this life with someone. I have been so wrapped up in "helping" my son with his problems and working, I have lost sight of me and it makes me want to cry. I used to be so different, sometimes when I look in the mirror...I barely recognize the women staring back, the years are showing, the stress, the heartache it is all leaving its mark.

I need to be doing something to turn my life around, I am just not sure where to begin.

Your thoughts...

Sheila

BigSis

Go, go, go! Do, do, do! I'm late! I'm late!


I've got Alice in Wonderland's White Rabbit and Through the Looking Glass White Queen BOTH running through my head this morning.

I haven't done the taxes (and we get a REFUND.... duh!! Hurry Up!!). I need to go with Mr. Big to get passport pics taken (no trip, he just wants passports). The house is a wreck. I need to organize a skin care party for my parttime business. I want to organize. Why can't I lose weight? Jeeze, here I sit, still on the computer.

.... bleah!


You don't want to be in my head today... FAR too chaotic!!


... now where did that rabbit go?

parentrecovers

i like this post - where do i send my pennies? k

loveon2legs

Good Morning,
Great thread teke!!
I'm actually feeling a little resentful this morning.... My X has moved in with his mom and brother (he is 45) and I know for a fact he doesn't have to pay rent or any other household bills, he makes good money so he is free to spend all he wants whenever he wants, meanwhile back at the ranch, I'm struggling just to get food on the table.....and to pay bills...... really ticks me off to think he is out there without a care in the world doing his drugs and drinking his booze... I just have to remind myself that his day will come, and really what kind of life does he really have??? to me he is one big LOSER!!!!

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest!!

Lotsa love,
Liz

P.S. Hi Shelia, I have been in your situation it is hard to get to know people, may I suggest trying to join a womans center?? it's important that you make some time for yourself, no matter how hard it is, make a to do list, and put yourself first!! you deserve it!!

SaTiT

Yeah..how the hell am I going to spend a penni
in a dime store ?

A thousand screaming notes.
The damn muse just messing with me
yes...yes..I actually touched the recorder this morning.
Just touched it...didn't trun it on though.
BaDaadaadaaaaaDeeDddddd e do do dodo do do dododod

teke

hi sheila, i know how you feel about not having a lot of friends, and sometimes you just can't share yourself with people at work,not enough to make a difference. like you, one morning i woke up, looked in the mirror and realized that i didn't know who i was anymore, didn't know what i liked or liked to do. didn't know what to do with myself, this is how i kind of feel today, the reason for the post. there i was, 20 yrs older than i was when i first started in all of this and now what?

where to start? your guess is as good as mine. maybe we can focus on finding someone that we can click with in a meeting or go to the gym and work out or something. i changed my hair, and bought me some contacts. sometimes i'll just put some clothes on, a little makeup, go to the mall to do a little people watching or window shopping, have lunch and just talk to whoever sits at the next table, just to get away from it all.

i guess its time to make some time for yourself, maybe go do something fun that you been meaning to do that you never got around to doing. it is so hard to make time for yourself when you got kids who seem to need all of your attention. maybe you could pick out one day a wk to focus totally on you and what you need to do to help you feel better, and let your son, look out for himself that day. somedays i just don't do anything for anybody but myself and i have 7 kids always acting like they need me to do something for them. why not start today.

Brownie

Dear Teke - Needing to tell someone so thanks fro starting this thread - daugher had a good week and we ended yesterday with a dog walk and talk. The talk was much needed sooner in the week but her getting ready for work etc. there never seemed to be time. Anyway I'm so mixed up - she wants to do recovery with just the Meth and has intentions of still using etc. In the middle of the night she was out looking for the people with flashlights again dog got away - I'm finally back in bed at little past 7 - slept a couple of hours and just getting up again. You never know what the day will bring - I will try to find something good - AD doing laundry just now like nothing happened I have to have faith that God is guiding our day and things will work out for the best. So all you gals lets get doing something just for FUN I hate this merry-go-round.

teke

girl please!!! you don't know how many days and for how many yrs that my rah(47) has done the same thing and we got kids. just don't seem fair, but thats ok. just like you said, he'll get his in the end, and you're right, its no life to live and he is the one losing out. i know, being an addict is no fun at all, and mom, will probably get where you were when he had to move back there sooner or later. my mil ended up being literally homeless trying to help my rah. just know that you are the prize and not him. be good to yourself and take pride in knowing that you are taking care of yourself and not depending on your mother to do that for you.

mooselips

Well, darn Sheila, we use to live in Tulsa! We could have hung out and had a great time!

On my thoughts today......
I find my head trying to "awfulize" since oldest A is released from jail on Monday, and his younger brother has his hearing for release on Tuesday.....
But, I'm in a better place in my head today, I've handed it all over, and letting someone who CAN take care of it, do HIS job.
(and also thankful I'm 1050 miles away.....LOL)

GREAT thread, Teke.....

teke

sorry brownie, i don't remember, the people with the flashlight??

she has intentions of using, but is it true that she's not using yet?

is she going to any meetings yet?

it is kind or confusing, some days the things that they do and say, just don't add up and the sad thing about it is, they really believe that they are ok. hopefully as her head clears, then she'll realize that she don't want to use. i'll believe with you that god sends someone, an angel, alone that will be able to say just the right words to her that will bring her around. still praying for ya.

cinderellawkids

I refuse to feel bad for any of my decisions. Even if it is just postponing lunch so my grandpa can come by and see the kids

teke

how do you guys get the courage to up and move from state to state, i've never even been out of atl, but 2 times in 53 yrs and then it was only for a wkend. most of the people i know, just up and move here from another state. some with no family around, just wanted to move, and did.

teke

must be nice to be so far away from the drama, hope they are not like my kids, mine would try to move where ever they think that i am so that they can continue to bugg me with their crap.

glad that they both maybe getting out soon, and i hope that they both have learned a valuable lesson and is ready to move on with their lives. keeping you all in my prayers

splendra

My mind is insane so I am trying real hard to avoid all contact with it right now.

teke

splendra, maybe when you feel like it, you can tell me how you do that.




cinder, glad to hear that you and the kids get to visit with grandpa today. wished i had one.

teke

glad to hear that you and the kids get to visit with grandpa today, wished i had one.


maybe when you feel like it, you can tell me how to do this.

Barbdee

I "think" that Teke offered YOU a penny for your thoughts....she might have to shell out a ton of pennies before the day ends :-)
My thoughts for today are:
Life is wonderful, but electronics/computers suck! :-)
It's impossible to shovel snow with an inch of ice on the top...much easier to just walk over it...can def hold 130 lbs. +
Hubby's home, which makes it a great day right there. Plus he's writing beautiful music which can even cause subconscious happiness!
Basically, a very good day!
teke, think that's 4 pennies to me....LOL!

teke

hey yall, this is what we can do. get a cup and mark it "bad thoughts", then for every bad thought that you can't replace with a good one, add a penny to the cup, and lets compare pennies after the wk is up. think that will work?

secretmom has me thinking that maybe i have put my foot in my mouth.LOL