honeyB

I just couldn't deal with it anymore. I hit my breaking point with my ABF. After 5 1/2 years of it, I'm done. He's been in jail more times than I can even count on both hands. He's been to rehab twice. His blood pressure is tremendously high even without the drugs, so he knows it could literally kill him if he smokes crack even one more time. He's stolen so much money and so many things out of my house, I don't even have anything left worth stealing except this computer and the one TV because that would have been too obvious...I don't know. He went back to rehab in November and got out middle of January. He got kicked out of the halfway house in less than 2 weeks, for not showing up one night. He was actually going to tons of meetings and spending his time with his new recovery friends, so I thought he was doing okay, and I agreed to let him stay here until he could find a new halfway house.

I called his friend one night after AA (they were supposed to be together) and he said he just said hi and kept walking, never even came in. So I knew he was messing around with crack again. I did some digging, and found out he was never sober from the time he left treatment, he'd been getting high for weeks, I mean I had proof. (I wasn't giving him any money and like I said I didn't have anything left to steal, so I didn't know how he was getting it.) So when he called to say he was on his way, I was like, go back to treatment. That's all, don't come around here, don't call, nothing, unless you commit yourself to a long term program.

The next morning he showed up at our oldest daughter's dance class (it was Parent's Day) and refused to leave. He is on probation and when I said I would turn him in on it, he went nuts on me. He attacked me (trying to get the bag off of my shoulder) and knocked our 10 month old baby out of my arms onto her head. He knew she was hurt and he didn't even bat an eyelash, he just grabbed my keys and my purse and took off driving in my car. I reported it, all of it, the fact that he stole the car and knocked my baby on her head, even though she was fine. It's still not okay. He held the car for ransom, said he owed some dealer $500 and he wouldn't give the car back until he got it. It did not go as planned and they (him and the dealer, who was also trying to "convince" me) ended up leaving everything as they took it.

I took out a protection order and when he called here (from rehab) I turned him in for the warrants. Child protective services interviewed me and made me sign an agreement that I wouldn't let him see the kids again, for their own good. I don't know the specific time period or the stipulations, but as far as I know, they mean forever. I'm okay with it, you know, but it hurts me that it came down to this and I feel so bad for our girls that he couldn't get it right. I just gave him too many chances. I feel like it's my fault in a way, I should have done everything differently. I mean I know I can't change him but I should have never hooked up with him in the first place or left sooner than I did or something...

I just don't get addicts. He's like Jekyll and Hyde. Like two different people. One minute everything is fine and what he perceives as stressful and blames his using on is little stuff I don't even notice. It's just so sneaky and fake and sick. It's just sick! Look at all the people on this message board! Look at all the pain addiction causes! It seems totally hopeless sometimes. Sooner or later he will get out of jail, and sooner or later he may get better. All I know is if or when it happens, I won't be around to see it. I'm detaching completely. Physically and emotionally I'm just done, and it's tough but I gotta do what I gotta do.

soulm8salways

I'm so sorry to hear all of this and so proud of you for doing what you had to do for the sake of your children. They have to be your only concern at this point and you need to focus on a healthy and happy life for yourself and those babies. Sending you a big hug and wishing things were different for you. You and the children will be in our prayers. I'm new to the board but email or private message me anytime.

Brownie

Hi honeyB - so glad you have detached sometimes it is the only way to survive - thanks for sharing - addicts are Jekyll and Hydes arn't they?

teke

welcome honeyb

sorry that you are going through all fo this. your story sounds a lot like mine so i do understand your pain and confusion. glad to see that you have made a decision to take care of you and the kids and is willing to do what you have to do to keep you guys safe. its never easy but it will get better. keeping you in my prayers

parentrecovers

sounds like you are doing all the right things. the best decisions are not always the easiest ones? blessings, k

dollydo

I am so glad you have taken steps to protect yourself and your children. He is a very sick man, and, quite capable of more violence.

Keep moving forward, leave him in your dust.