parentrecovers

daughter called. she flunked a drug test at her sober living house. she says she took a few presciption diet pills that someone gave her. they've sent test in for detailed eval. based on that and a conversation she'll have with them on friday, she may get kicked out of house. i handled conversation well - i offered no opinion or reaction. pretty much just said "be honest with your counselors and see what happens."

so. i am trying not to project/think beyond today. but...

i really do not want to come back home, too stressful. any thoughts?

thanks, k

MeggieStar

((PR)) This happened to my husband a few times. He'd try to pass it off as nothing, or eating a poppy seed muffin, but he was using his DOC.

You only have to do what you feel comfortable with. When my AH got kicked out of his half way houses several times, he had to fend for himself and did. And ended up in rehab for six months because he was basically homeless. And that was a good thing!

Hugs for you to get through today and not project for tomorrow.

laketime

my as is not living with me now. i think hes at agf mothers. our boundaries include no drug use, witch at this time he cannot abide by. i don't know what your boundaries are concerning your daughter, maybe you can make a better decision when the detailed eval comes back. a question i have, because my hope is for as to decide on halfway house, how many hours, days do you have to be clean before one will take you as a general rule.thanks
laketime

teke

i was just thinking, maybe if you wanted to still be helpful, you could look up info on yet another halfway house and have the nos handy, just in case. still praying for ya.

GwenMarie30

Hi Parentrecovers,
I am an addict with just over a year. It takes alot to be honest. Before I decided to get honest and clean a few years back, I was taking drug screens at random. I used every trick in the book to cover up my using. Well about july last summer when I was serious about getting honest and clean they did a UA drug test. It came positive for opiates. I was devasted and no one believed me, rightly so. I paid to have it sent to a lab where it came back as some of the prescription drugs I was taking for my Crohns Disease. Its very detailed and pretty accurate. I hope it comes back true in your daughters case. As far as all drug screens being accurate, I question that possibility. I was in the hospital in August for the entire month for kidney and liver failure. They were giving me doses of Morphine. When I got home I was required by court to take a hair folical test and was again really scared. They said as long as it came back with nothing more than what the hospital was giving me, nothing would be done to me. I took the hair test. It came back absolutely clean. I went to court with the results and told the judge that I was taking the morphine while in the hospital. He said that there is a guideline of legal amounts by law that will still pass. I dont get it to this day how it came back clean. But I was honest any way. Here the test was clean and I was arguing that it shouldnt be! Go figure. The judge got tickled and said I was doing good in my recovery. They awarded me custody back with my kids. So long story short, not all test are accurate. It matters a little what your daughter says but her actions will confirm her deeds. Any addict will know that diet pills, and energy pills, and cold medicines all have the properties that will show on a drug test. I hope in your and your daughters case she is being honest in her recovery.

parentrecovers

thanks, teke. we're digging through our notes on halfways in our area for options.

hey laketime, the house my daughter is at requires 30 days clean/sober before entering/re-entering. they have an out-patient program she can go to, but she will not able to stay in house until another 30 days clean/sober - if they determine for sure she failed the test.

there are a few houses in our area i know of that don't require 30 days, but the ones we saw without the 30 day rule looked a bit shady. just my gut feelings on those, they may be great places. our daughter is young and not too worldly, so safety is a big factor in our (her parents) comfort level. these may be her only choice now, though.

we keep telling her - good decisions equal more/better choices. this may be a perfect chance for her to again see that lesson?

Brownie

Dear Parentrecovers - think I'll have to start writing down how everyone handles these tough situations so if I need them I'll have them ready. Writing "boundries" today. Still at daughters house & will give her a written copy - Top of the list NO LIES I need to trust - then clean up what you shouldn't have around the house, not my job - not sure what else but a quiet cup of tea after a little thrift store shopping and maybe I'll think of something else. It would be easier setting boundries if it was my home. Anyway thanks again for the beginning of my "one liner list".

Barbdee

AS is celebrating 60 days clean today in one of those houses that you need 30 days clean to get into. She should have known Rx meds, esp. diet pills would screw up her test. Wish I could say otherwise, for your sake. RAS has had an abcessed tooth for ages that he can't afford to get fixed and one day he was in terrible pain, I offered him a Darvocet. He vehemently refused it, saying he was not allowed any narcotic. I didn't even think, duh! But he did. Yep, we are 60 days proud :-)
I hope it's just a bad test, there are so many things that can mimic drug use I was totally astonished....like the poppy seeds on a hamburger roll. But if she admitted to Rx diet pills, that's already on the no-no list.
I know we have been sort of following the same path, so I sincerely hope it's nothing. I cannot possibly say how much those "houses" have done for RAS. He lives with 8 guys, one clean for 10 yrs., one just relapsed...there is no better instructor than real life. He will be in on interviewing a new guy next week. He's come so far in just 2 months!
So I'm really praying that your AD can stay there....ya know, they DO have the option of overlooking a thing or two. I think if she is totally honest and really, really wants a second chance, they "could" do it. My advice, tell her to beg and plead :-)
Love, SM (aka, BD)

parentrecovers

thanks, secret - agreed. she needs to be honest and humble.

hope3

I don't have anything to offer, except my prayers and

hope that everything works out Parentcovers.

You and your daughter will be in my thoughts.

Hugs, hope3

hopeforever

i hope your dougther will be ok and that they will leave her where she isnow and she can continiue her treatment. i hope everything will be good, and hope you will feel better and not worry alot!!everything will be ok,,!!
GOd bless u!!!

Barbdee

Just found out some info that may be pertinent. In RAS's house, one bad test and it's auto out. But another house nearby, just voted to keep someone that relapsed. So hopefully her house is the voting kind?
Sending prayers that it works out for both of you.
Hugs, SM

parentrecovers

they will make the right decision. it's really out of my hands. she knew the rules.

greeteachday

I wanted to send you my thoughts and prayers last night...I must not have hit enter! Anyway, they are with you. You sound wonderful, shining with recovery.

parentrecovers

thanks, greet - daughter continues to call in a panic. my answer - "i understand this is difficult. i suggest you go to a meeting, call your sponsor, and call your lawyer."

i will not be going to rescue her and bring her home if they ask her to leave. she'll have to make other arrangements until my husband and i have a chance to make the decision that is best for us. not saying i won't ever let her come back home, i just won't feel pressured to be reactive/sucked into to any more of the chaos.

blessings, k

BigSis

(((Parentrecovers))) We went through this, too. Daughter was kicked out from an extended stay recovery house for a dirty UA. Lots of quacking... but her actions spoke even louder than her words. She just was NOT ready for recovery right then.

My son was in an Oxford House for over a year. They had many residents come and go. One guy was so upset after he had relapsed, but so committed to the idea of being sober, that he willingly left... spent 30 days at a shelter... and was readmitted after the break.

That impressed me.

There are options - they just aren't "fun options".

I wish you the best with this and send prayers for strength and wisdom.

(((hugs)))

bookmiser

"they will make the right decision. it's really out of my hands. she knew the rules." -ParentRecovers


Just sending support and prayers up for you today.
I'm sorry for what is happening with your daughter.
Your right...it's out of your hands.
I hope she can convince them to let her stay,
by being honest and humble.
Think good thoughts and let HP take the lead.
(((Parent)))

hope213

i hope they let your daughter stay.i hope she really wants to stay. i hope things go as they should. continue to take care of you.

parentrecovers

well, they gave her a second drug test and she passed. results from first test won't be back until maybe sunday. decision is still pending about whether she will stay at house.

she is swearing it was only a few diet pills, as she is uptight about weight she has gained since getting sober. i'm feeling better that she is being honest, but trust is not easy when she has lied so many times. either way - she knows she is not supposed to be taking ANYTHING not approved by counselor. and she's messing with recovery if she gets too confident about such decisions/choices? humble and honest. that's the only way to stay clean and sober....

thanks, we're hanging in there. husband went into full blown rescue mode, but he's calmed down after a few alanon meetings/calls.

no one said this was going to be easy.

blessings, k