Jewelz

I wrote out a long post and its get deleted as if I am not frustrated enough.

Last night he called me asking to come back home. I told him that he couldnt come home that he was already home. he kept saying please, I want to get out of here, I dont want to be here, it's to hard being so close to the drugs and so on. I still said no.. this was going on around ten at night. He hang up on me, he sister called scared, I heard michael crying in the background while his father was screaming and yelling. To make a long story short he either wanted to come home or if he had to stay there he wanted ten dollars from them. So he is yelling at me on the phone hangs up on me and then starts screaming over there. He even cursed me out on the phone, this may not seem like much but one thing I have to say about him is that in the 3 years we have been together he has NEVER EVER cursed at me before even if he was actively using. I called the cops cause his sister asked me to it took them 15 freaking minutes to get there... he was already gone, got his ten dollars and was getting high.

I left my house at 10:30 to pick up Michael his mom had a tough time with abf and I also wanted Michael with me. Michael didnt get to sleep till about 12I fell asleep at about 1:30 in the morning. At about 2:30 in the morning my bel is ringing nonstop. I stood frozen unsure what to do, extremely exhausted and not mentally prepared for him to pop up. Why I didnt think about that happening is my own mistake just because of past history i should ahve known he would pop up like that. He kept ringing it.. calling the cops never entered my mind. I didnt know what to do and eventaully I let him in. He came in as if he expected for me to argue, like if he was waiting to have another chance to argue with me. I kept my cool but spoke some. Before I went to sleep I told him that tomorrow my daughter wasn't going to be home, that when I get home from work he better not be here unless he wants to go back to jail. Tonight I wont hold myself back from calling if he refuses to leave, my girl wont be there he knows that I always avoid any confrontation when she is around.

I already know I should never have opened that door and because of that I have to face the consequences of my actions. I need to get my head in order, my life in order and really think about what I want out of it. Do I want to live with this insanity all my life, or do I want a change in my life?? I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and for my kids ... I need to take action. I hope I find it in me tonight. I wont be home till late maybe around 8pm. I hope he is gone, hope he didnt steal anything.... he never did before but who knows now.

His mother said this morning that she wont allow him in her home any more even if he is calm.... I will believe it when I see it but just maybe she has reached her bottem, and I am right behind her and just maybe he could reach his as well. Besides my home and his moms home there arent any more homes he could stay in... god even the drug buddy that I hate told him he cant stay at his place, my abf mushed him in the head yesterday.

Jewel

teke

whew!!!! i remember those days. i've opened the door too. sometimes intentional cause i just didn't want to have my kids going through the drama, other times i just call the police and allowed them to open the door.

i think that it maybe kind of good that he's run out of homes to go to. my ah did, once my mil found herself homeless tring to help him, i knew that it was definately time for me to say NO. my rah called me just before he ran to the mental ward 3 mos ago, trying to make me feel guity cause he had to go live under a bridge, wanting to come by and pick up some clothes(trick), i just kindly told him that i'd bring the clothes to the bridge. not buying the guilt.

when the time comes, you'll know what it is that you have to do, in the meantime, i'll keep praying that you won't have to go through all of that today.

cece1960

(((jewelz)))
It sounds like your heart may be having a hard time catching up with your head.
I've done things on many occassions that I regretted, and that I knew better than to do. On many of those occassions, my driving force was to stop the chaos (if I open the darn door he'll stop ringing the bell etc.)
But most often it backfired.
Live in today, hon, in the solution. Whats done is done so maybe just learn from it and move forward.
Sadly, I doubt that things will get better before they get worse. And only you can leave that front row seat to the drama.
You can "watch" it unfold, or let it unfold...the choice is yours.
I'll add my prayers too for you and yours, and that he finds his path soon.
((((hugs))))
Cece

Brownie

Jewelz - Stay Strong or as the younger generation say "may the force be with you" - contact your HP now - GOOD LUCK.

marle

Sending some hugs. Praying that he is gone when you get home, so you can have a respite from the chaos. Marle

Jewelz

Thanks, yes I did answer the door because I did not have the energy to go through all the BS and having the kids home. I also think that its good that he is running out of places to go to... this is the first time that people are actually getting tired of his crap.

I prayed last night more than I ever prayed lately. I dont want to be in the front row seat anymore and even though I let him in last night he confirmed every decision I made the day before last was the right one. I was feeling sorry for myself yesterday i dont anymore.

Jewel

cinderellawkids

Sweetheart I know your pain. That will be my situation when I take action. That is why its so hard as his family and I when ready to take a stand are doing so unitedly. They are tired of his attitude and begging for money and never returning it. They approached him about the money he owes (after confirming with me it wouldnt hurt our budget..) We all expect him to bolt with all on payday and we all will communicate and proceed accordingly with cutting him off.

Try to relax. Take a deep breath and be ready to do just that tonite. Call the cops because Im bet he'll be there. Maybe even bring them home with you. If anything is stolen, I now how violated you will feel, but its just material things and can be replaced. Besides you are not married so you may be able to press charges.
Folllow through for your safety because he's in bad place right now and from experience it gets worse before it even gets a litle better. Its so hard when they show up at the door. That is my weaknes, that is why you have to involve the police and expect it to occur again.
Im sorry, but Im here if you need to chat

Jewelz

It's always been hard to turn my back to him when he is at the door. he always does it late at night, when I am sleeping and my guard is down. I just hate that.

teke

sorry, but, thats what addicts do.

GiveLove

Jewelz,

You're gonna be okay. You're thinking clearly NOW, so you can plan ahead.

Plan on him doing this again. Know that he will. Make a plan that you can stick to even if you're half-asleep....just like with a house fire.

Consider sticking a note on your doorbell to him, letting him know that you're not going to answer the door, and if he rings more than once you're going to call the cops.

And if he does, do it. Keep their number handy if you have to, so you don't have that excuse. Have your story straight in your head so that you can speak to them calmly. Tell them what you've told us.

If he continues to do this, get a restraining order. It's time. He's GOT to stop doing this....and I think he knows that you are going to let him get away with it, like a pack of wolves knows which deer to pick out of the herd to attack. You're the vulnerable one who gives in....and so he'll keep coming to you.

The only way to teach him that you're not going to let him keep destroying your peace of mind, and your son's, is by doing these things. You know that (you've written as much). It's time to find the strength to do it, and start protecting your family from this before they end up like him.

Please protect yourself. This isn't love, this is madness, and you are putting yourself in great danger. Prayer goes a long way, but two guys in blue with guns go even farther.

Love and strength to you

GiveLove

laketime

i did the sme thing saturday night let my as stay over thinking tommorrow he would like to change. sunday came and he wasn't ready to change just no place to sleep. i felt stupid. but every little thing teaches me something. its up to me how i use the lesson ive learned
take care
laketime

ncdeac

I don't think I could say it any better than GiveLove did. That was perfect advice.

dollydo

Well, I wish I could say I am surprised, I am not, when I read your previous thread, I saw little cracks in your armour...like the conversation with his Mom...

I still feel the same way, to me, you need to do what's best for you and your children...that is the priorty.

I know this is not easy, hasn't been for anyone who has gone through it...yet we all come through it, stronger and happier.

As always, I wish you the best, you deserve better

Lithloren

(((Jewelz)))

I so understand where you are at. It took me a couple of times of me having him leave before I was finally able to REALLY have him leave!!! It's almost like I had to have a couple of practice sessions.

Fortunately for me I was and am still in the process of reading a book called "The Manipualtive Child" by E.W. Swihart Jr., M.D. & Patrick Cotter, Ph.D. when he came crying to my window.

It was so weird because as he was crying and threatening suicide it was just like they had described in the book when a child is throwing a tantrum. Because of my sponsor, Naranon, SR, and this book I was able to say No.

Not because I didn't love him, but because I knew without a doubt, that I was hurting him by giving in to his demands and by me giving in to my fears of not having him in my life anymore. This book was and is so helpful in my understanding of what I had been doing, what his parents had been doing that had contributed to this selfish, self-centered person that I had become involved with.

Fortunately, I also saw myself and my parents. I really have some amends I need to make to my parents. I now understand how my behavior controled them. I feel bad. They were and are so loving.

Anyway, after he left I did not have any contact with him. I did not answer the phone, I did not answer the door. I finally spoke to him after HE CONTACTED ME and left me a message with a plan of action for his life and his recovery. Yesterday he had 21 days clean AND sober.

I know it's hard Jewelz, especially with a child between you, but the time is perfect. His job doesn't want him, his parents don't want him, the drug dealers don't want him...really, it's perfect.

I am not trying to tell you what to do Jewelz, I am okay with whatever you do, I am just trying to tell you it's gonna be okay if he hits bottom.

Hugs,

Lithloren

Promise

Just remember...
Progress not perfection.
Hugs to you,
Promise