Self Analysis - People Problems
Bridge CLOSED
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Self Analysis - People Problems
I have figured out (actually have known this for a LONG time) that my problems seem to be almost schizoid in nature. I do not have problems with my career or with work. Never have. I am successful and confident in any job I do.. even when I start some new thing that I have never done before. My resume proves this out.. I have owned and opperated my own businesses from lawn mowing, house painting and professional photography to owning and running a dairy farm. I have taken on professional pursuits in Surveying, Cilvil engineeering and design, construction project maangement, design and inspection and real estate. I have trained dogs and horses. I can say, with a measure of confidence, that I am successful in my work life.
Then we get to my personal life. I have difficulty making friends and difficulty finding the ambition to maintain friendships. Forget relationships.. I have a failed marriage to an alcoholic, a failed relationship with a drug addict and a couple of boy friends in there, one was NG and one was really OK. currently I am single and thinking to stay that way for good.
As successful as my professional life is, my personal life is equally unsuccessful. I admit I am having trouble moving forward in this.
I do make my self go to AlAnon and I do have acquaintances, but I really have NO close friends.. anyone to call and say, "Lets go for a hike!" or whatever... I have NO IDEA how to go about dating or a relationship.. and I am about ready to accept this as just the way I am. I am just uncomfortable with people on a social level.
I am going to get a dog later this spring and maybe get involved in obedience work and training. I am going to (maybe another year or two away) get a horse. Both those things will replace a LOT of need for human contact or close friends (they always have for me in the past). I find that, while I sometimes would like some human companionship, most of the time I would rather just have my cats with me out on the deck and read a good book. I am comfortable around any type of animal and always have been. I have been described as fearless and while that is not quite true, I am respectful of animals and their power and I understand them.
I don't really dislike people.. I seem to just not want to let any get too close OR I seem to let them get WAY too close (the second one I have really put a wall around so now I just keep it at the acquaintance level). I have no idea how to have a middle ground, how to have a friendship or how to have a relationship. While I would never walk away from a career or an animal, I always want the option of walking away from people (and even more so since the last scum bag XABF).
I am NOT looking for a relationship and I may be past that ever happening in my life as old as I am. I am so totally naive about how to date or what sort of time table intimacy should occur on etc. that I am thinking that maybe I should just let the door close on this part of my life and forget it.
The human relations thing just seems to be so confusing and a huge amount of work. Maybe the dog and horse (Elana's Dog and Pony show??? LOL) are what I should pursue and just keep the whole human thing at arms length?
Then we get to my personal life. I have difficulty making friends and difficulty finding the ambition to maintain friendships. Forget relationships.. I have a failed marriage to an alcoholic, a failed relationship with a drug addict and a couple of boy friends in there, one was NG and one was really OK. currently I am single and thinking to stay that way for good.
As successful as my professional life is, my personal life is equally unsuccessful. I admit I am having trouble moving forward in this.
I do make my self go to AlAnon and I do have acquaintances, but I really have NO close friends.. anyone to call and say, "Lets go for a hike!" or whatever... I have NO IDEA how to go about dating or a relationship.. and I am about ready to accept this as just the way I am. I am just uncomfortable with people on a social level.
I am going to get a dog later this spring and maybe get involved in obedience work and training. I am going to (maybe another year or two away) get a horse. Both those things will replace a LOT of need for human contact or close friends (they always have for me in the past). I find that, while I sometimes would like some human companionship, most of the time I would rather just have my cats with me out on the deck and read a good book. I am comfortable around any type of animal and always have been. I have been described as fearless and while that is not quite true, I am respectful of animals and their power and I understand them.
I don't really dislike people.. I seem to just not want to let any get too close OR I seem to let them get WAY too close (the second one I have really put a wall around so now I just keep it at the acquaintance level). I have no idea how to have a middle ground, how to have a friendship or how to have a relationship. While I would never walk away from a career or an animal, I always want the option of walking away from people (and even more so since the last scum bag XABF).
I am NOT looking for a relationship and I may be past that ever happening in my life as old as I am. I am so totally naive about how to date or what sort of time table intimacy should occur on etc. that I am thinking that maybe I should just let the door close on this part of my life and forget it.
The human relations thing just seems to be so confusing and a huge amount of work. Maybe the dog and horse (Elana's Dog and Pony show??? LOL) are what I should pursue and just keep the whole human thing at arms length?
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
In Alanon they tell me we didn't have friends, we took hostages.
Many of us have that ONE good friend thing... you know, the sick sort of relationship where there is jealousy of this friend hanging with others? The kind where the friend feels suffocated? Yeah... I've done that.
They told me in Alanon I would make the best friends I'd ever had... Ha! That did not happen... not at first, anyway.
What I did that changed that -
I signed up for the same conferences as some of the women in my home group... I went alone, stayed in my own room - but still felt a little "part of" during the conference. It was a little start.
I joined a tradition study being held outside our home group - in the home of my sponsor. That was a big step for me. Sharing on a more personal level with women only... that drew me even closer.
I went to a retreat called Woman to Woman - again with some of the women from my home group and my sponsor. We didn't stay in the same cabins or anything, but had that "shared experience".
By about the middle of my second year in Alanon, I had was attending my 3rd step/tradition study and our Saturday women's group had grown to about 20 - both AA and Alanon.
My home group feels very safe and welcoming and filled with strong recovery.
Today, my third year in the program, I KNOW I can call any one of those 20 women and they would take my call. At least half would meet me for coffee or lunch and most of those would take me into their homes or help me find resources if I needed such a thing.
I never had friends like THAT before Alanon. Today, I have TWENTY. That is a lot of friends.
But it has been slow. Because I didn't trust people ... at least not the RIGHT people. I was raised in alcoholic home, chaos and disfunction are what I know. Healthy relationships with healthy people made me feel "less than", so I often chose those over whom I felt "more than"... those who I thought were sicker than me.
I am better today, and I am surrounding myself with different people.
Time takes time, Elana. And I believe HP is actively working in your life to bring you exactly what you need..... exactly when you need it. Sponsor tells me to do the footwork and pray and (you know this one) "more shall be revealed".
((((hugs)))))
Many of us have that ONE good friend thing... you know, the sick sort of relationship where there is jealousy of this friend hanging with others? The kind where the friend feels suffocated? Yeah... I've done that.
They told me in Alanon I would make the best friends I'd ever had... Ha! That did not happen... not at first, anyway.
What I did that changed that -
I signed up for the same conferences as some of the women in my home group... I went alone, stayed in my own room - but still felt a little "part of" during the conference. It was a little start.
I joined a tradition study being held outside our home group - in the home of my sponsor. That was a big step for me. Sharing on a more personal level with women only... that drew me even closer.
I went to a retreat called Woman to Woman - again with some of the women from my home group and my sponsor. We didn't stay in the same cabins or anything, but had that "shared experience".
By about the middle of my second year in Alanon, I had was attending my 3rd step/tradition study and our Saturday women's group had grown to about 20 - both AA and Alanon.
My home group feels very safe and welcoming and filled with strong recovery.
Today, my third year in the program, I KNOW I can call any one of those 20 women and they would take my call. At least half would meet me for coffee or lunch and most of those would take me into their homes or help me find resources if I needed such a thing.
I never had friends like THAT before Alanon. Today, I have TWENTY. That is a lot of friends.
But it has been slow. Because I didn't trust people ... at least not the RIGHT people. I was raised in alcoholic home, chaos and disfunction are what I know. Healthy relationships with healthy people made me feel "less than", so I often chose those over whom I felt "more than"... those who I thought were sicker than me.
I am better today, and I am surrounding myself with different people.
Time takes time, Elana. And I believe HP is actively working in your life to bring you exactly what you need..... exactly when you need it. Sponsor tells me to do the footwork and pray and (you know this one) "more shall be revealed".
((((hugs)))))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Posts: 585
Elena, your post resounded some things with me. Even though I am successful in my business life, I do not have one friend that I can call at the spur of the moment to say "lets go shopping" or "how about a bike ride?". I have a few close friends, but no buddy like that. My one friend that I could do activities like that with lives 3 hours away (she used to live here) My RAH is my only real close friend, so that is pretty sad, actually. I think that our situation is more common than some people think though.
Bridge CLOSED
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
I never even had the "one" friend thing and (except for 7th grade) I never have had the jealous thing where people going out with other friends and did not invite me bothered me. I did in 7th grade, but I think that is a very common thing kids do and it is as kids we learn not to?
but, thank you for your words.. I guess it all just takes time.
I could see me working with Tigers and Mountain lions a lot easier than I can see myself going to a women's conference....
Well, I guess that is why recovery is a path with a destination only known to our HP?
but, thank you for your words.. I guess it all just takes time.
I could see me working with Tigers and Mountain lions a lot easier than I can see myself going to a women's conference....
Well, I guess that is why recovery is a path with a destination only known to our HP?
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((Elana))
The cats, the horse, the dog...the animals. They all give you unconditional love, as you give them that same love.
Humans, well that is a bit risky. They can really hurt you. They can also love you unconditionally. The problem is which ones are the good ones. Once you've been burned a few times, it almost seems safer just to put up that wall and convince yourself you don't need them. That's what I do anyway.
I don't know how to get past it. I still try to though. It's a huge risk every time I open up to someone. I was to the point of giving up on relationships when I met Jerry. Here I was comming out of a huge addiction relationship just to meet a Rock and Roll Bass Player! Out of the blue in the middle of the country in a huge field. He stepped off the stage and danced with me while he was still playing.
My point is, HP arranged the impossible at the impossible time with impossible odds against it. I even resisted it for months but we kept getting thrown togeather.
Don't give up on relationships or friends. They will find you. You just have to take that huge risk of letting them in again.
Love and Hugs
B
The cats, the horse, the dog...the animals. They all give you unconditional love, as you give them that same love.
Humans, well that is a bit risky. They can really hurt you. They can also love you unconditionally. The problem is which ones are the good ones. Once you've been burned a few times, it almost seems safer just to put up that wall and convince yourself you don't need them. That's what I do anyway.
I don't know how to get past it. I still try to though. It's a huge risk every time I open up to someone. I was to the point of giving up on relationships when I met Jerry. Here I was comming out of a huge addiction relationship just to meet a Rock and Roll Bass Player! Out of the blue in the middle of the country in a huge field. He stepped off the stage and danced with me while he was still playing.
My point is, HP arranged the impossible at the impossible time with impossible odds against it. I even resisted it for months but we kept getting thrown togeather.
Don't give up on relationships or friends. They will find you. You just have to take that huge risk of letting them in again.
Love and Hugs
B
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Out on the Ocean Blue
Posts: 272
Elana Hi! Your "Bridge CLOSED" is interesting - whenever I do something new I remember something I read about building a bridge and the person asking why you already are on the other side - and the person replied I built it for the people who come after me. I think you are capable of building bridges for people here in SR. I came to post this saying today and found yours.
"Nothing of me is original. I am the combind effort of everybody I've ever known" - Chuck Palahniuk
"Nothing of me is original. I am the combind effort of everybody I've ever known" - Chuck Palahniuk
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i agree with big sis, elana. it all takes time. i feel a lot like you, i never knew really what the dating scene was all about, with every relationship i had, good or bad, i found myself sticking like glue. i decided that it was time that i not worry about a relationship as much until i did my own soul searching to find how just what makes me tick the way that i do, what is it about me that is attracted to and being drawn to unhealthy relationships. for me, it all boilled down to an inside job.
freindships i think take yrs to make, and i do have a few that i'm not afraid to be me around. for me, it was when i realized that i did not think that i was friendship material, so i excepted whatever friendship that i thought that i could get and be in control of without getting hurt. i relealized that i didn't like me very much and i just knew that others wouldn't either,once they got to know me. i guess in my own sick thinking, i thought that i had to be kind of perfect to be liked, and since deep down, i knew that i wasn't, i thought i had to somehow prove to everyone that i befriended, male or female, that i was a good person. got to be so much work and brought so much inner pain.
it was a real eye opener, when it finally hit me that there are no perfect people and that its okay to make a mistake, as long as i could learn for it. in working the steps, i learning more about me than i ever thought possible, learning how to deal and get pass the fears i have, i'm learning how to pay more attention to what i don't need in my life even though sometimes i still miss it, but its okay today. one day at a time, one issue at a time, i'm learn to like me.
if i had to make a suggest to you, it would be that maybe you should wait until you get to be about 99yrso to began to think about not having more healthy friends/relationships. if you haven't tried working the step, maybe its a good time to start, and if you have already, maybe its time to do it again.
you are a very loveably person, maybe you're like me, my picker needs a little minor adjustments but i think that you are gonna be ok. now if you insist on putting one of your feet in a grave, then go right ahead, i'll just have to stand back and wish you well, ME, no thanks, i'll have to take my chances. LOL
personally, i know that i'm older than you and i'm not quite ready to put one foot in the grave, yet
freindships i think take yrs to make, and i do have a few that i'm not afraid to be me around. for me, it was when i realized that i did not think that i was friendship material, so i excepted whatever friendship that i thought that i could get and be in control of without getting hurt. i relealized that i didn't like me very much and i just knew that others wouldn't either,once they got to know me. i guess in my own sick thinking, i thought that i had to be kind of perfect to be liked, and since deep down, i knew that i wasn't, i thought i had to somehow prove to everyone that i befriended, male or female, that i was a good person. got to be so much work and brought so much inner pain.
it was a real eye opener, when it finally hit me that there are no perfect people and that its okay to make a mistake, as long as i could learn for it. in working the steps, i learning more about me than i ever thought possible, learning how to deal and get pass the fears i have, i'm learning how to pay more attention to what i don't need in my life even though sometimes i still miss it, but its okay today. one day at a time, one issue at a time, i'm learn to like me.
if i had to make a suggest to you, it would be that maybe you should wait until you get to be about 99yrso to began to think about not having more healthy friends/relationships. if you haven't tried working the step, maybe its a good time to start, and if you have already, maybe its time to do it again.
you are a very loveably person, maybe you're like me, my picker needs a little minor adjustments but i think that you are gonna be ok. now if you insist on putting one of your feet in a grave, then go right ahead, i'll just have to stand back and wish you well, ME, no thanks, i'll have to take my chances. LOL
personally, i know that i'm older than you and i'm not quite ready to put one foot in the grave, yet
Bridge CLOSED
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Well, I am not ready to put a foot in the grave.. LOL
I have decided I am not going to pursue a relationship again. It will have to come to me.. if it does at all. IOW I won't do the choosing. That is OK too.
I have a ways to go before really even thinking about having a relationship. This last one knocked me for a loop. I have anger to get past.. both at him and at myself for letting myself ever care about him (ya know.. this is pretty codie common).
I am just thinking if I can't get comfortable with the idea I may just walk away.
I never again want to compromise my dreams to be with some man?
Yes.. animals are safe to love and they will cross the earth with you if you decide to go. They are reliable.
I have decided I am not going to pursue a relationship again. It will have to come to me.. if it does at all. IOW I won't do the choosing. That is OK too.
I have a ways to go before really even thinking about having a relationship. This last one knocked me for a loop. I have anger to get past.. both at him and at myself for letting myself ever care about him (ya know.. this is pretty codie common).
I am just thinking if I can't get comfortable with the idea I may just walk away.
I never again want to compromise my dreams to be with some man?
Yes.. animals are safe to love and they will cross the earth with you if you decide to go. They are reliable.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
(((Elana)))
I really admire the way you can put your thoughts out there...as friends do
*wink*wink*
One thing I've learned about myself is that I am a controller.
I can control my professional life. Heck, I have wit, and quick thinking skills, I'm a quick learner as well and I embrace challenge.
I've come so much farther than most thought I ever could.
But, darn...how do you control relationships, friendships and the like?
You mean I can't just TELL them what they need to do?
There are a lot of areas in my life I do not fit the codie mold. I am an enabler, I've accepted that, but the codie thing is a little more complicated.
However, with that said, I am without a doubt at my best when I'm in control. And I feel weak and vulnerable when I'm not.
Thats the area I need to do some work on.
PS I've always maintained that friend is a verb, not a noun.
(((hugs)))
Cece
I really admire the way you can put your thoughts out there...as friends do
*wink*wink*
One thing I've learned about myself is that I am a controller.
I can control my professional life. Heck, I have wit, and quick thinking skills, I'm a quick learner as well and I embrace challenge.
I've come so much farther than most thought I ever could.
But, darn...how do you control relationships, friendships and the like?
You mean I can't just TELL them what they need to do?
There are a lot of areas in my life I do not fit the codie mold. I am an enabler, I've accepted that, but the codie thing is a little more complicated.
However, with that said, I am without a doubt at my best when I'm in control. And I feel weak and vulnerable when I'm not.
Thats the area I need to do some work on.
PS I've always maintained that friend is a verb, not a noun.
(((hugs)))
Cece
Bridge CLOSED
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Funny thing is I really don't think I am a controller. I have been a manipulator but in sort of a "lets try this and see what happens.." Or I offer opportunity and stand back and watch. I sort of like to see what happens if someone is given a chance.. this backfried with XABF, but it has not always back fired. I taught an autisitic girl how to ride horses and then stepped back and watched and she excelled in life from then on... on her own. Her parents always felt the riding taught her she COULD do something even if she was scared at first. I just showed her the opportunity?
If you ride horse back it is important to train the horse to be controllable but the process does not always leave you in control. I can attest to that!
I don't think I have ever cared to control anyone since they are more interesting being their own people or person. I have been naive, tho that has changed a lot in the last 5 months (as of today it is 5 months since X left and it is STILL good riddance!).
I have had more problems in the area of expectations.. I expect to be treated by others as well as I treat them. THAT does NOT work.
Now I have a new tack.. I will not allow myself to be badly treated because I am deserving of good treatment. That is different.
I think I am afraid of people so I do the safe thing which is to stay away... and sometimes that makes me feel bad so I am trying to figure out a different way or how to accept this part of me better.
If you ride horse back it is important to train the horse to be controllable but the process does not always leave you in control. I can attest to that!
I don't think I have ever cared to control anyone since they are more interesting being their own people or person. I have been naive, tho that has changed a lot in the last 5 months (as of today it is 5 months since X left and it is STILL good riddance!).
I have had more problems in the area of expectations.. I expect to be treated by others as well as I treat them. THAT does NOT work.
Now I have a new tack.. I will not allow myself to be badly treated because I am deserving of good treatment. That is different.
I think I am afraid of people so I do the safe thing which is to stay away... and sometimes that makes me feel bad so I am trying to figure out a different way or how to accept this part of me better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Illinois
Posts: 44
I too am struggling with th e friend issue. Any of the friends I had I either screwed over or just forgot about them. I guess I will have patience(i have absolutely none). I totally identify with you and your animals. There is something so comforting to snuggle up with my favorite cat. The cat loves me not matter what. When I'm feeling down that cat is the best comfort in the world and I often feel at peace. They don't expect one thing from you they just want your love and they unconditionally give it back to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Elana,
I'm one of those introvert personality types, which doesn't mean reclusive but truly means that being with people takes more energy OUT of me than it puts back in, at least at the time. Those people who are energized by being out in a crowd, in a group, at a party? Not me.
I used to feel that was odd, that I was some kind of freak. Then a therapist did personality typing on me (that was kinda fun, really) and I learned that, no, there wasn't anything wrong with me, but just that my myers-briggs type only represented 1% of the US population. I wasn't weird...just rare. And my type doesn't really get into the whole socializing-for-the-sake-of-socializing thing.
Like you, I'm pretty happy with my situation most of the time. I love my animals and my silences. I do try to include one activity a week that involves other people that I like & respect, if I can, because I have this inner feeling that it's good for me. Kind of like a social vitamin. Doesn't always work out (and I rarely care if it doesn't) but when it does I feel more well-rounded, like I've just worked out or balanced my checkbook....
There's my husband too, but he's just as much of an introvert as I am. We toss a lot of smiles across the yard as we do our separate things....that's just fine by me.
Interesting observations about yourself!
Love,
GL
I'm one of those introvert personality types, which doesn't mean reclusive but truly means that being with people takes more energy OUT of me than it puts back in, at least at the time. Those people who are energized by being out in a crowd, in a group, at a party? Not me.
I used to feel that was odd, that I was some kind of freak. Then a therapist did personality typing on me (that was kinda fun, really) and I learned that, no, there wasn't anything wrong with me, but just that my myers-briggs type only represented 1% of the US population. I wasn't weird...just rare. And my type doesn't really get into the whole socializing-for-the-sake-of-socializing thing.
Like you, I'm pretty happy with my situation most of the time. I love my animals and my silences. I do try to include one activity a week that involves other people that I like & respect, if I can, because I have this inner feeling that it's good for me. Kind of like a social vitamin. Doesn't always work out (and I rarely care if it doesn't) but when it does I feel more well-rounded, like I've just worked out or balanced my checkbook....
There's my husband too, but he's just as much of an introvert as I am. We toss a lot of smiles across the yard as we do our separate things....that's just fine by me.
Interesting observations about yourself!
Love,
GL
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
P.S.
I used to do obedience work with my dogs (for 20 years), and it was in the days when I was much more interested in shaping things so they came out my way.
In the last few years we've done agility work together instead, and it's an interesting shift for me. It takes the behavior control aspects away, and forces you to work as a team, to respond to one another's needs and always keep a lighthearted element of fun involved. No control, just teamwork, relationship building, and organized play between two friends. It's good practice for the rest of my life
I used to do obedience work with my dogs (for 20 years), and it was in the days when I was much more interested in shaping things so they came out my way.
In the last few years we've done agility work together instead, and it's an interesting shift for me. It takes the behavior control aspects away, and forces you to work as a team, to respond to one another's needs and always keep a lighthearted element of fun involved. No control, just teamwork, relationship building, and organized play between two friends. It's good practice for the rest of my life
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: totally lost
Posts: 250
Elana, guess it's obvious why I have 3 dogs. :-) They give me sooooo much love and I too prefer animals over people any day.
You really did express your feelings so well, I'm not that good at it so plz bear with me.
I work at home and rarely leave the house (more sociophobic than agoraphobic). Seems people always want me to fit into "their" mold of what I should be, so I prefer to avoid people. My only real friends are my husband and my mother. Even my only sister has cut off all contact with me because I told her honestly that they totally humiliated RAS. People don't like honesty much....they call it tactlessness. Guess there is a fine line there and I have never learned it properly.
Personally, I would love to be like Big Sis, but it's less scary to do nothing. I know that is wrong and hopefully will come out of my shell someday soon.
In the meantime, I have 3 wonderful dogs! :-)
You sound like an Aries, are you? If not your sun, then the moon or rising sign must be in Aries. It's mostly all those biz's that you ran yourself making me think that.
Anyway, when you get your puppy, feel free to PM me. I've raised many dogs, and supervised the birth of two litters. At one time, I had 13 dogs here...okay, most were pups :-)
Oh, and I highly doubt you are schizoid...did you do one of those online personality tests??? According to them, I have EVERYTHING wrong...LOL!
Love, SM
You really did express your feelings so well, I'm not that good at it so plz bear with me.
I work at home and rarely leave the house (more sociophobic than agoraphobic). Seems people always want me to fit into "their" mold of what I should be, so I prefer to avoid people. My only real friends are my husband and my mother. Even my only sister has cut off all contact with me because I told her honestly that they totally humiliated RAS. People don't like honesty much....they call it tactlessness. Guess there is a fine line there and I have never learned it properly.
Personally, I would love to be like Big Sis, but it's less scary to do nothing. I know that is wrong and hopefully will come out of my shell someday soon.
In the meantime, I have 3 wonderful dogs! :-)
You sound like an Aries, are you? If not your sun, then the moon or rising sign must be in Aries. It's mostly all those biz's that you ran yourself making me think that.
Anyway, when you get your puppy, feel free to PM me. I've raised many dogs, and supervised the birth of two litters. At one time, I had 13 dogs here...okay, most were pups :-)
Oh, and I highly doubt you are schizoid...did you do one of those online personality tests??? According to them, I have EVERYTHING wrong...LOL!
Love, SM
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
My best friends are turtles. Even in a friendship Im quick to not trust and think if due to odd circumstances plans are broken, that they no longer want to be my friend. Im kinda warped in that way. When I first got with AH, I took his running around personal, so relieved was I too find out it had nothing to do with me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
They can when they get bigger. They are 4 inches now (will be 10)
For anyone who thinks they dont have personalities you should have seen them last night when I fed a piece of a crab leg. They are skiddish and dont like being touched but actually ate it out of my hands and came back and begged for more.
Such awesome friends. Yet everytime I make a human friend they think Im nuts because of my passion for my turtles.
For anyone who thinks they dont have personalities you should have seen them last night when I fed a piece of a crab leg. They are skiddish and dont like being touched but actually ate it out of my hands and came back and begged for more.
Such awesome friends. Yet everytime I make a human friend they think Im nuts because of my passion for my turtles.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
I have had turtles too1
People think reptiles are nto smart and fish are not smart but they are.
WE are not smart about recognizing how they communicate!
Love your turtles!
And GL, I have been sort of thinking about getting a Border Collie and learning the Agility thing (tho basic obedience is essential in my mind). I did train my German shepherd to herd Cattle and my dogs have all been well trained. I have trained other ppl's dogs but mostly that was not training the dog, it was training the owners.
People think reptiles are nto smart and fish are not smart but they are.
WE are not smart about recognizing how they communicate!
Love your turtles!
And GL, I have been sort of thinking about getting a Border Collie and learning the Agility thing (tho basic obedience is essential in my mind). I did train my German shepherd to herd Cattle and my dogs have all been well trained. I have trained other ppl's dogs but mostly that was not training the dog, it was training the owners.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
((((Elana))))
I have been doing a lot of study on how I reject myself and ambition is one of the ways I do this...
Hopefully you want mind if I put up a quote from a book I am reading titled:
"Emotional Clearing" by John Ruskan
[ I believe we all want some kind of relationship. I am not real good at romantic type relationships. I feel as though I have been unsucessful in these too. But I still know I need human contact even though many times I have felt better to just be with my dogs. I want to learn to be more like my dogs cause they totally accept me as I am and are always glad to see me. Can I do it I hope so....
I have been doing a lot of study on how I reject myself and ambition is one of the ways I do this...
Hopefully you want mind if I put up a quote from a book I am reading titled:
"Emotional Clearing" by John Ruskan
[
Ambition
Ambition is one of the most common attributes of the isolated ego. The pain of isilation is felt, and it is assumed that release will come when personal sucess, wealth, possessions, or fame are aquired or achieved. Ambition is very much socially acceptable.
We become conditioned from childhood to reject our present condition, whatever it may be, and to want more. We enter the race to no where, sometimes never waking up from the madness.
Ambition is one of the more accute forms of self-rejection because a great deal of energy is mobilized to achieve goals. The same energy then serves to form the supperssing shields around feelings. We become highly goal oriented, and out of touch with ourselves.
We must achieve certain goals to survive. Ambition is the addiction of the ego to the attainment of goals. The ego thinks it enlarges itself when it achieves. Goals become non-humanistic. We become selfish and isolated. Yet, ambition seems to be part of growing up.
We may delude ourselves that we have gone beyound ambition when we have merely made a shift in objectives. We stop being ambitious about materialistic things, becoming ambitious about artistic expression, recognition, or spiritual growth. Ambition for any of these has the same self rejecting effect.
Dropping ambition involves learning to be happy as you are, in the moment, with no projections into the future.
Ambition is one of the most common attributes of the isolated ego. The pain of isilation is felt, and it is assumed that release will come when personal sucess, wealth, possessions, or fame are aquired or achieved. Ambition is very much socially acceptable.
We become conditioned from childhood to reject our present condition, whatever it may be, and to want more. We enter the race to no where, sometimes never waking up from the madness.
Ambition is one of the more accute forms of self-rejection because a great deal of energy is mobilized to achieve goals. The same energy then serves to form the supperssing shields around feelings. We become highly goal oriented, and out of touch with ourselves.
We must achieve certain goals to survive. Ambition is the addiction of the ego to the attainment of goals. The ego thinks it enlarges itself when it achieves. Goals become non-humanistic. We become selfish and isolated. Yet, ambition seems to be part of growing up.
We may delude ourselves that we have gone beyound ambition when we have merely made a shift in objectives. We stop being ambitious about materialistic things, becoming ambitious about artistic expression, recognition, or spiritual growth. Ambition for any of these has the same self rejecting effect.
Dropping ambition involves learning to be happy as you are, in the moment, with no projections into the future.
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