ayla zaire

and the saga of the sober mamas continues....

we just talk too much, girls...but i love it.....and i love you all so much!!!

you can find part 18 here....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-18-a.html

ayla zaire

i'm the first!! hehe....

i know, it's not fair....but life is never fair....lol...

c'est la vie

oh darn. I saw that Anna locked the other thread at 8am MY TIME and thought *****! Everyone is sleeping, I can be the first to post!

Thanks for taking us back on memory lane, ayla. That was a fun way to wake up this morning. We surely have come a long way baby!

It's sad to think that some of the moms who checked in are out there suffering right now. If you are out there lurking, please know that this is such a caring and safe place for you to be honest and open. Just the other night I was explaining to my son how "The truth will set you free". It goes for all us here at SR. Don't get bogged down with the weight of lies or hidden truths. It hurts too much.

Pilgrim

Hi all you guys,

Busy day with work and the children again today. We went out to dinner tonight. It was a happy family dinner. Like something I have always dreamed. Happiness together. No issues, no anger, lots of love and laughs. I never knew the highs were going to be this great.

I wish I could take some time off work. This keeping sober seems to take all my time and effort and I am so tired with all the concentration it takes to keep my mind doing what I want it to do - you know the sort of thing - remembering stuff, making lists. I have so much to read and try to understand about this disease adn i don't have time and five minutes after I read something, I forget it again. My work is too complicated for me at the moment. That is just how it is. No point fighting it. But a bit of a break would be so nice.

I feel much more peaceful tonight. My anger seems to have subsided and now I just feel tired. Still a bit sad and frustrated but way less anxious. Went past ex bf house. He was home. No lights on. He got home between us going to dinner and coming home. Only 8pm. Sleeping already after many beers. That is his life. He doesn't have one. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Off to tuck youngest into bed for the night.

So there are my thoughts tonight and that is my news.

Love you guys.

c'est la vie

thanks for sharing that, dubs. Did you happen to tell us here that it was your birthday?

If you said this and I missed it, I apologize for redundancy, but

IT'S DUBS' BIRTHDAY!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I'm so happy you had a nice time with your kids. That's what life is all about.

Pilgrim

Hi C'est,

Thanks for remembering my birthday hun. Being in NZ puts me a day in front of you guys so it shows up a day later for you. It was my best birthday in many many years. My family spoilt me. I am really grateful to them and so very grateful that I was sober.

mikiglen

my heaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddddddd

RubyT

Hi all...

I guess I will start with an apology. I've stated before that when things are not going well, I isolate. That is so unfair to you all. I know you care about me thru the good times AND the bad, as I do you. So, I'm sorry. You're a very giving, caring group and deserve better!

The past week has been a tough one. Wednesday I cried literally all day. My poor husband...he just didn't know what to do with me or for me. I was a complete mess! I really don't get it either. There are a lot of positives in my life right now....I just haven't been able to reach out and embrace them. I'm trying though. DH is in the middle of some huge business negotiations and I'm sure the stress of a whack job wife has not helped. But really, he's been fabulous. Kids are doing well. The cheeta made the 8th grade cheer squad for next year...very proud of her. And somehow, I've managed to lose 7lbs...only 28 more to go....ugghhh! I've even been getting my lazy a$$ up and in the shower first thing in the morning instead of staying in my pajamas all day looking like the swamp thing. I'm thinking about going back to work part time. Because of the changes with dh's job, it's no longer a financial necessity that I work...just something to get me out of the house more. So, yes, there are good things happening.

I still need a lot of work on me. As in forgiving myself. That seems to be the hardest thing....I spend alot of time dwelling on the past two years and the toll that my drinking and careless actions have taken on the people I love most. I know they have forgiven me, but I just can't convince myself that I deserve it.

And, honestly, I've had a few cocktails since I've last posted. Not enough to get drunk. I've been able to stop myself and think...what the hell are you doing?!? It's just another negative I dwell on...oh my God, I'm never going to be able to drink again...there's alot to be said for that one day at a time way of thinking. Which I'm trying desperately to do Today, I'm choosing not to drink. Tomorrow...can't worry about it, right? I've spent alot of time in the kitchen lately...you know me and my "culinary therapy"! Although I much prefer retail therapy, my family has been eating very well and having the seats at the dinner table filled with people I love helps so much!

So...that's pretty much the cliff note version. I have missed you all so much and really don't know why I haven't been able to post and lean on you guys. Sometimes I just don't feel worthy...you're all doing so well and I just keep falling off that stupid wagon and I don't think it's fair to you for me to be here.

I'm going to read now to see what I've missed out on...I hope you're not all po'd at me!

xoxo
R

p.s. I forgot another positive..found out Friday I'm going to have a nephew in July. We haven't had a boy in the family in 23 years. I'm very excited!!!

scootinbabe

morning! off to a new adventure in family travel here!

love to you all--especially you miss ruby--be easy on yourself.

congrats pilgrim!

ayla zaire

ruby....i've been saving these until you came back to us.....








i love you no matter what......and i missed you so much.....i lost your number! call me, please!

i'm glad your hubbie's work is going well......is it what we talked about?



dubs.....happy birthday, my friend...love you....

hugs
ayla

c'est la vie

((((ruby)))) I'm so glad you checked in. I'm sure you know we've all been worried about you. I can relate to getting a part time job just to keep your mind occupied. I think I need to do that. Please don't feel like you have to stay away because you think we're all doing so well. Some of us might be suffering more than others and some of us might just not be saying so. It's good just to be here.


scoot, I'm so sorry to hear that you struggled yesterday, but thrilled to death to know you didn't have to drink over it. chin up.

pookielolo

Hi C'est!! How is the SB thing going????????

pookielolo

Beezy-hope you feel better today!!!

Ruby-we missed you, I said before, I don't post when I am having trouble, but I am learning to change that, posting helps me so much

Scoot-have fun and be careful!!!

Mist-how is your head today???????

Tam-Hi hon, I miss talking to you!!!!!

Ayla, Jules, Curly,Jane, Kev, steve, IG, Dev, Jackie , Pilgrim, and everyone I missed ahve a great day!!!!!!!!

c'est la vie

I think I mentioned that my hub is going back to the states for work in a couple weeks. Our friends just replied to his e-mail and they really excited to have him stay at their house and even teased him about the gate on the stairs (long time joke about him falling down the stairs once). I admit I'm jealous and will probably feel worse as time gets closer. Am I envious about being in the states, about seeing friends we haven't seen in almost 2 years, about playing darts and pool, or about being able to casually drink (a lot) like old times? Or maybe it's the darn hormones. I just want to go home and I feel like crying!!!!!

c'est la vie

SB? I put the book in the oven and roasted it! Just kidding. I can't do diets. I'm not one for punishment that involves food restriction. My hormones are raging and I've eaten about 12000 calories in 2 days. How am I ever going to be able to look good enough to see all the people I haven't seen in so long. Their eyes are going to pop out of their heads (in a bad way). I suck. I've got a fridge full of veggies, but don't want to come close to one.

pookielolo

Ok, C'est,
let's use some of Dr Dyer's methods, use positive thinking. You are beautiful, inside and out, you are a fantastic wife and mother, you will be in the states soon, you are healthy, you have many friends who love you(especially us!)
The hormones will pass, you will feel better, oh and did I say, we love ya!!!

c'est la vie

now I'm bawling.
beautiful and fantastic are a bit over the top.
waaaaaa!!

ayla zaire

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND FANTASTIC!!!!!!!

don't listen to those damn hormones!!!!!

we love, you, our founding mother!!!! we HAVE come such a long way together.......in such a short time......what would we do without each other? i, for one, would be lost!!! and it's all because of you, my friend..........

RubyT

I give up...I'll never be able to catch up on what I missed! Stupid me for missing it to begin with...serves me right!

Beezy, I did catch the part about your cyst. I've suffered from those nasty things since I was 12. I feel for you and hope you're doing better!! I also have what they call a "floating ovary"...anyone ever hear of that? It's on my left side and when it moves out of place it is horrific!

Ayla, those shoes have left me breathless! I have black and white, but they're not heels, red with white, but not white with red, and yes, I have pink and white, but they're more of a low heel sandal. I'm going to go check out that website now!

Wow...amazing I just felt a little spark of the old me.....

ayla zaire

hehe.....i knew shoes would bring you out of your funk!!!!