Mlynn

So...this weekend my good friend held a B-day party for her son. I had considered not going but I have known this boy from the time he was a toddler so I decided to go. It was so very refreshing. I finally felt like a person agian. It felt good to be amoungst (after being isiolated for months & dealing with the shame and resentment that comes with the aggressive behavior of my alcoholic father and the depressive and emotionally dependant behavior of my co-dependant mother) friends and just talk and have a day of "normalcy". I felt like a young adult for the first time in a long time. I got a good feeling from it that has left me with possitive feelings all this week. Things seem like they are actually looking up. I sent my resume in for a Job that I am qualified for & which pays well. Just a bit of time out of my toxic situation....a few hours....and my whole mood changed. Its funny how all of the largest problems make me feel stagnant and paralized - but the simpliest thing made me feel so invigirated and refreshed. I guess the point of this story is to take some time to do something for your self....even if it is just having time with a friend.....and it might do you some good. I almost didn't go because I was feeling very down - and tend to isiolate myself when I feel like a "loser" - but I am glad I did. It's funny...something simple....like a quick visit with a friend(something normal people do weekly/daily) can be so validating. When I felt my worst...I still had people who were happy to see me...who didn't view me through "sick" eyes....and who accepted me and enjoyed my company.....it made me feel quite good. I wasn't Megan the ACOA.....I was just Megan.
We made plans to get together this weekend - and I have plans with my cousin & her good friend ( my friend by association - The 3 of us do things together alot) for St. Particks day....and a volunteer orientation training on Sunday for a non-profit org that I am going to be volunteering with. I am going to be busy ( I hate being "idle"). Baby steps....baby steps. Hopefully soon I will be able to detach from this situation, find long term satisfying employment, a solid place to live, and be able to handle my life. I am a way away from that now though....but baby steps. I took a posters advice and started doing little things for myself. I have been cleaning the house, making sure that laundry is done daily, taking better care of myself and my body(which isin't in bad shape anyway I'm a vegetarian and eat fairly healthy), started doing my pilaties agian. Just taking little baby steps to get my self into a possitive routine. These are things that normal people are able to do for themselves routinley...but something that I have to train myself & teach myself to do over a period of time. I am going to have to climb my way up but I am finailly taking those first baby steps after being paralized for well over a year.....I just hope I don't fall agian....the falls are always so crushing.

DesertEyes

Awesome Mlynn, congrats on getting your life re-started. Don't worry about falling again, you've got all kinds new skills and new awareness so if you do fall it won't be as hard, and you'll get back up a lot faster. You also got a whole mess new friends to cheer you on

Mike

GingerM

I wanted to post, but Mike took all the good words ;P

What a wonderful post - you're heading in the right direction, and you're going to be out of the situation sooner than you'll believe.

TheGirlInside

Hi, Mlynn!!

Just wanted to say "HI!" and a couple thoughts on a couple of your comments.

You said, It's like coming out of a fog, isn't it? The brain works better when not surrounded by sick people.

Isn't that cool how we start to "notice" guidance from different places once we begin to detach from our toxic situation? A friend of mine kept referring to me as a "rose"...then I saw a poster that said [something like], "PERSPECTIVE: I can lament that the rose has thorns, or rejoice because from the thornbush has blossomed a rose."

Good to "see" you.