un4gvn acts

" I was a willing participant in a dance that had 2 partners;
at times I felt like a victim but was more like a volunteer."

Cynay

Yea... that one hits home for me too.

The scarrier part is I did not even think to say no or set boundries for a very long time. What do they say, some are sicker then others.... Thank God for recovery.

embraced2000

i can identify now....but back then, i was totally unaware that i was a willing participant in the dance....and thought anyone telling me that was completely looney-tooney.

i am a believer, now. it makes recovery so much smoother when i accept my part.

un4gvn acts

I am just so amazed! I feel like I should have known some of this stuff .
My recovery is teaching me that not only was my AH sick but I was too!
Yeah you are right - if someone told me that I played any part in this I would have hit the roof!
I too am a believer, now!
Al Anon & SR is changing my whole life!
Lovin every secong of my recovery!
Sage

denny57

Acknowledging my part allows me to love the other person even more; it connects us on a human level, which can get lost in the disease.

lillian

i feel like i have dirty sunglasses on, because i know what i should see- my part- but it's cloudy/i don't actually see it yet. i don't want to feel powerless- or am i supposed to? i get all mixed up. i am powerless over whether my husband loves me, how he loves me, how he shows me that he loves me- but i do have power over whether i hang around and accept it. so far, i have- and he's left me. i guess i thought if i stayed, so would he. i was wrong. argh i am too mixed up and new to this- i'll hang my hat up for now and defer to those who have the hang of this recovery thing.

chero

Well my shades have come off and the bright light of the truth has sent me into a tail spin trying to find them.
Lill, I in no way at all have the recovery thing down...at all. You know what I have? The realization that maybe I do have a part to play...the 2nd person in the dance. I've done my best to make life as easy as possible for my AH. Why? So he could not own up to anything he's done wrong. So he wouldn't feel so bad? So he would see how good I am and stop drinking?
I'm make myself crazy and I'm sick of feeling this way. I haven't left the dance, but I do think I've sat this song out.

denny57

I shared about this today at my meeting. At the end, I started making up good news regarding our business (even though it was doing fine already) so that AH would feel good. I was shoveling happiness at him, believing unhappiness lay at the base of his drinking. Educating myself has freed me from that.

lillian

this is all very interesting- i tended to be a pollyanna, too- i couldn't stand it if he felt badly/i would not let him feel bad,which is messed up now thati think about it-- i wonder why i wanted him not to feel bad? the funny thing is, i feel like when i stopped ignoring the trouble/stopped ignoring my needs/budget/time/money constraints to buy him cigarettes and soda and go shopping with him- didn't want to do all the fun things with him- that's when he found new people to be with, both times- but on the other hand, i loved having fun with him- i loved escaping from the world, too. there is a question at the end of paths to recovery about if we pick people we think we can save or fix-- but i think i've picked my partners (who have all been AHs) because i want them to fix me-- they have big personalities, know what they like, are spontaneous-it made me feel fixed to be chosen, to be with that person, to experience freedom from what other people thought, because they didn't seemto care what others thought.

lilac

Yep, me too....but for the longest time I did not see my part in it...