Fearful thoughts
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: United States
Posts: 25
Fearful thoughts
The Language of Letting Go post about timing sparked something for me. I have this obsessional thought (ever since I found out that my ABF is addicted to pot, and cross-addicted to alcohol). We have been together for a few years.
My obsessional thought is "you need to get out now, you've already wasted so much time!" "You are not getting any younger." "It's going to take years to recover from this relationship, so the sooner the better." Mind you it has only been a month since I found out what was wrong with him.
What is really interesting is how I feel when I think these thoughts. I feel crazy, stuck, and scared. I know these thoughts don't serve me, but I am attached to them. Part of me thinks I will be a sicker codie if I don't continue to think them. Like maybe I will forget that ABF is an addict! LOL.
I need to surrender to my higher power the idea that I must correct the timing that the events in my life have had.
My obsessional thought is "you need to get out now, you've already wasted so much time!" "You are not getting any younger." "It's going to take years to recover from this relationship, so the sooner the better." Mind you it has only been a month since I found out what was wrong with him.
What is really interesting is how I feel when I think these thoughts. I feel crazy, stuck, and scared. I know these thoughts don't serve me, but I am attached to them. Part of me thinks I will be a sicker codie if I don't continue to think them. Like maybe I will forget that ABF is an addict! LOL.
I need to surrender to my higher power the idea that I must correct the timing that the events in my life have had.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewher
Posts: 259
hi there.
i thihk ur thoughts its like a cry for hlp..
you need to take care ofurself, and concentrate on ur recovery,, when u live with an addict u change alot,,i know it from myself,, its not easy and if u justfound one month ago,, thats kinda new feeling for u.
get as much information on addiction and find some alanon metings in ur area and go to the meetings they will help u alot. and also come to this board youll find here lots of support and guidence. i hope your abf can get some help and that things will be good for both of you. sending good vibes and prayers toyou!
i thihk ur thoughts its like a cry for hlp..
you need to take care ofurself, and concentrate on ur recovery,, when u live with an addict u change alot,,i know it from myself,, its not easy and if u justfound one month ago,, thats kinda new feeling for u.
get as much information on addiction and find some alanon metings in ur area and go to the meetings they will help u alot. and also come to this board youll find here lots of support and guidence. i hope your abf can get some help and that things will be good for both of you. sending good vibes and prayers toyou!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: United States
Posts: 25
Thank you Hopeforever,
I have found a wonderful women's Al Anon group and a Nar Anon meeting that I have been attending. It is helping so much already even though, as you said, it is pretty new.
I just don't feel so crazy anymore. I have been able to concentrate on my work, and I have been laughing more. I am AMAZED at the power of 12 step groups such as CODA, Al Anon, and Nar Anon. They work!
Next on my list is finding a sponsor. I am aware of my tendency to hang back, and I am making it my goal to get a sponsor ASAP. A woman in my Al Anon meeting suggested getting a temporary sponsor, if I wanted to.
I have found a wonderful women's Al Anon group and a Nar Anon meeting that I have been attending. It is helping so much already even though, as you said, it is pretty new.
I just don't feel so crazy anymore. I have been able to concentrate on my work, and I have been laughing more. I am AMAZED at the power of 12 step groups such as CODA, Al Anon, and Nar Anon. They work!
Next on my list is finding a sponsor. I am aware of my tendency to hang back, and I am making it my goal to get a sponsor ASAP. A woman in my Al Anon meeting suggested getting a temporary sponsor, if I wanted to.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewher
Posts: 259
thats great!!
a sponsor is a good thing
!! will help u alot.. i should get one too !!
try to get this book the courage to change,, i got it a one meetings of alanon,, its a great book that inspires me a time i need a good word..
and keep doing what u doing,,and rember that verything will be ok a nd do hings for urself that make u happy ,,like stuff u enjoy,, go to see your freinds,, and maybe awalk a the maal,, and always get everything out,, its here in the borad a great place to do it,,,, vent out all ur worries,!!! nice to meet u,, good luck!!
a sponsor is a good thing
!! will help u alot.. i should get one too !!
try to get this book the courage to change,, i got it a one meetings of alanon,, its a great book that inspires me a time i need a good word..
and keep doing what u doing,,and rember that verything will be ok a nd do hings for urself that make u happy ,,like stuff u enjoy,, go to see your freinds,, and maybe awalk a the maal,, and always get everything out,, its here in the borad a great place to do it,,,, vent out all ur worries,!!! nice to meet u,, good luck!!
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi,don't know if i have met you yet, welcome to sr.
i agree with hopeforever and it seems that you are on a good path to recovery. just want to show support, and let you know that you are in my prayers.
i agree with hopeforever and it seems that you are on a good path to recovery. just want to show support, and let you know that you are in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Hi Promise,
Sorry you're going through this. I thought I'd chime in, as the queen of obsessive thoughts
Is your ABF seeking help? Is he in recovery? I'm not sure from your post. Do you have better-than-average hope that he's going to get better?
I was several years into my relationship with my XABF before these obsessive thoughts started...and they started because I knew something inside that I wasn't willing yet to admit on the outside: that I knew him pretty darn well, and that in my gut I knew full well he wasn't going to stay clean forever. This is just my situation mind you, and may have no bearing at all on yours. All of his behavior pointed to somebody who was going to keep doing the sober-using-sober-using cycle forever, and I WAS getting older and I HAD wasted a lot of time on a relationship that wasn't feeding me....addiction or no addiction.
If any of those circumstances exist for you, then your obsessive thoughts are tapping you on the shoulder and trying to get your attention, so you will confront them, one way or another, even if it's just to say "I know the risk, and I'm staying until X or Y boundary is crossed." Only you can make the time and space to see if you can listen hard and hear what that small, still voice is trying to tell you.
For now, I'm just so glad you've found your Anon communities and are working so hard on your recovery -- you sound like such a great person!!
Hugs,
GiveLove
Sorry you're going through this. I thought I'd chime in, as the queen of obsessive thoughts
Is your ABF seeking help? Is he in recovery? I'm not sure from your post. Do you have better-than-average hope that he's going to get better?
I was several years into my relationship with my XABF before these obsessive thoughts started...and they started because I knew something inside that I wasn't willing yet to admit on the outside: that I knew him pretty darn well, and that in my gut I knew full well he wasn't going to stay clean forever. This is just my situation mind you, and may have no bearing at all on yours. All of his behavior pointed to somebody who was going to keep doing the sober-using-sober-using cycle forever, and I WAS getting older and I HAD wasted a lot of time on a relationship that wasn't feeding me....addiction or no addiction.
If any of those circumstances exist for you, then your obsessive thoughts are tapping you on the shoulder and trying to get your attention, so you will confront them, one way or another, even if it's just to say "I know the risk, and I'm staying until X or Y boundary is crossed." Only you can make the time and space to see if you can listen hard and hear what that small, still voice is trying to tell you.
For now, I'm just so glad you've found your Anon communities and are working so hard on your recovery -- you sound like such a great person!!
Hugs,
GiveLove
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Out on the Ocean Blue
Posts: 272
Hi Promise - You are doing so well going to your meetings - I've got as far as looking up where they meet (which is close to where I live) so that will be my next scary step. My daughter (Heroin addict) lives in a small place and she says she would find it difficult - hoping she visits SR and becomes a member since she already knows I'm finding support here. SR is wonderful.
Let me grow up.
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
Those aren't bad thoughts to have. Maybe that Highpower is responsible for making them an obssesion for a reason. Time does seem to slip away the longer we stay with our addict if you've made the firm decision to live and leave. For many of us, we've left and gone back, left and gone back. I mean I can't tell you how many times I broke up with my AGF and ended up back with her. This is the longest breakup for me (7 wks.) from her. It's been difficult but SOOOOOO worth it! LOL You seem to be on the right track though, Kiddo! So just keep up the good work
And welcome to the family!
And welcome to the family!
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