sunnydaze4

HI, I'm 11 days sober (again) and I have only told a few close friends and family. Question? I told a very close friend who knows I struggle with Alcohol and she (who does not have an issue) responded with a comment about how she is trying to loose weight and has not had a drink for 2 wks and it doesn't bother her a bit. She's lost 5lbs. This really hurt me because my last 11 days have been hell and I was looking for support not condensending superiority from one of my best friends. Also, I'm very upset that I have only lost 1 lb since quiting and I have worked out about 6 times, watching what I eat and gave up at least 800-1200 calories a day in alcohol and late night munchies. Where is the REWARD!!!! I want something tangible to know I made a good decision. I'm not sleeping well....or some nights too well. I'm agitated, obsessed over this issue, not in the mood for "fun" with hubby. Am I just having a pitty party or is this normal? How do you deal with life and friends/family who minimize your issue.

About me, mom of 2 young kids, 34yrs old. married. Upper/Mid class home/cars/vacation/college etc. work part time. Drank about 10-15 drinks a day. Wine, vodka, gin, rum whatever. Highly Functional. New to posting on net. Mostly just read posts. Have been reading/lurking SR since 2004.

Nice to meet you guys Sunny

Missymae737

Welcome Sunny,

Unless friends/ family struggle with the same issues you do, they won't understand.

We understand your issues with drinking, and we will not minimize your struggle. Keep coming here, and keep posting. Others will be along to welcome you...

gypsytears

Hi sunnydaze . I think all of this is normal... the feelings, the insomnia etc. I would say the reward is in the 11 days you've quit so far. It gets better... all of it. Keep doing what you're doing... I'm sure the weight thing will work itself out. As for other people, you can't do really anything about their comments. You control you though and as long as you're secure in your desire for sobriety it doesn't matter what they say .

Debaucher

Sounds normal to me... I'm only 38 days sober but not that unusual the stuff you are feeling... my labido was through the roof before I quit drinking and then I had a couple weeks of almost no sex drive...

as for loosing weight...

on that note... I've lost 80 pounds... if you just look at what weight was to what it is now.. if if add all the wieght I lost (after gaining some back) I am over 100 pounds.. so I have some experience with loosing weight...

I have found that if you are not properly hydrated you will not loose weight as fast as you should... if you drink soda or any carbonated beverages (even diet sodas) you will not loose weight as fast as you should...

there are so many factors at work so many things that slow weight loss... things you can do to help... but no magic bullet :-) ...

don't compare yourself to others...

check this out... www.fitday.com

OH... you may have lost more than you thought... when I was drinking my stool was pretty loose and I had diarehea most mornings... my bowels were pretty empty... plus I walked around pretty dehydrated most of the time...

So rehydrating... and having solid feces... well added about 3-5 pounds for me... when I quit drinking I was 185... 3 days after quiting I stepped on the scale and I was 193... ??? and I was pretty sick to my stomack those days and ate very little... so that was mostly water weight...

pm me if you have any weight loss questions?

Keep up the good work...

Golfman

Sunny,

The tangible rewards you're looking for will be very apparent as time goes by. You sound like me, "I want what I want when I want it, and I wanting is right F**king now!!!" Your profile indicates that you have everything on the outside that should make you happy. However....this isn't qbout outward appearances. This is about what's going on inside you. As alcoholics, we are restless, irritable, and discontent. None of that has anything to do with the world outside your body and mind.

Keep in mind that we alcoholics drink because we like the feeling of ease and comfort we get from that first drink. We know relief is on the way. Then, after this disease takes hold, we drink thinking that the ease and comfort will come again. When we don't get that ease and comfort, we are left with the raw feelings, the pain, the emotional upheaval that is us. So, we have to seek out something else that will give us the same ease and comfort that alcohol used to. Well, that ease and comfort doesn't come as quickly as that which came from alcohol. We are impatient, so we get very frustrated when the pain is there and we have nothing to dull the senses.

There are many ways to deal with the exact nature of our problem. You see our problem really isn't alcohol. Alcohol is a symptom of a much deeper condition. Just as sore throat or a stomach ache might be symptoms of a virus or a bacteria. Sometimes doctors just treat the symptoms so we can feel better, but the virus is still there. It has to run it's course. The same is true with the nature of this disease, only we can't get any medicine to help us feel better, at least not any that we can take by mouth.

What we need to do is learn how to treat our problems from the inside out.
There are many ways to do this. Therapy, treatment centers, etc. For myself, I chose to go to AA. There I found people who understand exactly what I'm dealing with because they are dealing with the same things. AA presents a program of suggestions that if followed by action, will result in cleaning up the mess that's inside us and gives us the freedom to feel calm, serene, peaceful, and happy. Oh...you may think you're not that kind of drunk. You know, the falling down, dirty man or woman that sleeps under the bridge. i used to think that way. But alcoholism is an equal opportunity disease. It touches the soccer mom, the highly paid executive, the doctor, the lawyer, the disadvantaged, black, white, brown, etc. The exterior might indicate that some alcoholics are leading materially successful lives. Some of them are. But on the inside, we are drawn together by a common bond. that's why there's such a cross section of people in AA or any other kind of treatment.

Sunny, if i had found that water would hav eased my pain, I'd be a waterholic. It just so happens I found that alcohol did the trick. And along with that came the consequences of my actions. Sometimes those consequences were minimal. I only had a slight hangover and hadn't helled at my wife or shildren. Sometimes the consequences had a dire effect on everyone around me. I rolled my company car at 4:30 AM and ended up crawling upside down through the winshield of my car. The nose of the car was in the water. I had to wake my poor wife up to come bail me out of jail. It really doesn't matter whether the consequences are internal or external. They always occur and it never, NEVER, gets any better.

Please do yourself a favor. Don't try to recover on your own. If you're already getting help that's great. If not, seek out your physician, a therapist, of better yet, AA. Don't worry about what your husband, children, or friends think. My guess is that they already know something is wrong.

Yours in sobriety,
Ed

Tazman53

Sunny welcome to SR, I will back everything Ed aka Golfman has shared.

I kept a very good job (still have it) and on my surface things looked very good for my family, the outside world could not see through the nice house and the truck and cars, the hell I was going through nor what I was putting my family through.

With me the weight thing was an odd thing, it took months, but I started to look a lot slimmer, the beer belly and the swollen liver slowly went down and the over all puffiness in my face decreased dramatically, people have asked me several times how much weight I have lost. I have only lost about 2 pounds yet I look 20-25 pounds slimmer and a whole lot healthier.

Debaucher covered a lot of the reasons why I look slimmer and yet have lost almost nothing, but I can tell you this, every day I stay sober I feel better about myself, my family now loves and respects me again, I now live a happy life and my family does as well.

I owe my life and my happiness to AA. The only people who understand an alcoholic is a fellow alcoholic, a therapist or any other proffessional cna go to school for ever and if they are honest they will say that they really do not understand an alcoholic.

I have found that the alcoholics I have found in AA not only understand how to get and stay sober, they also understand how to lead happy lifes and are more then happy to show any one freely who wants to know how they did it and help them do it.

I have found sobriety and life in the rooms of AA, I have also found doctors, lawyers, business owners, laborers, and professionals of every description in the rooms of AA, all of them are recovered/recovering alcolics.

sunnydaze4

Thank you for your thoughtfull comments. I needed to hear them. It' s just hard right now...and I hate that feeling of failure. I also have to stop looking at the future and life without drinks.

I am drinking water and tea by the boatloads. I'm watching my sugars/carbs and trying to eat salads and lean meats etc. I did have some ice cream I'm sure the weight thing will come. I think I will treat myself at the 30 day mark as a "reward". Maybe a little vacation get away or a manicure/pedicure.

My husband is a huge supporter this time and even poured all of the alcohol in the house out. He is going dry too...even though he was just a social drinker-- take it or leave it. He is not minimizing my issues. He has seen it before and he has seen the damage done. I didn't hide all of it from him, just the embarassing stuff. In fact, he liked the party girl at parties. It just went beyond the parties too much. He is also encouraging the reading (he is reading books too), posting, and wants me to go to AA. I have to just check my pride at the door and do it. I did counseling in the past. It helped. But, I stopped, relapsed, got worse than before and here I am. Guess I should call them again too.

I think Friends and Family saw the fun party girl and most likely didn't know the extent of the drinking. However, I went to a neighborhood party last week and I had 4 people ask me why I wasn't drinking that night. I guess that's a red flag. But, I also think it is because many times I have heard that the party really starts when I arrive. I felt like I let them down in a strange way. I miss the party girl too. By the way, I used the sinus infection excuse.

My Husband says there has been a dramatic change with me and my attitude towards the kids, house, job, life. He say's the old me is back and this last round really changed me far worse than any other time in my history. (15yrs of hard partying) I was "lost" this time. I have to focus on his comments as being my "reward". A happy household and having the old me back should be reward enough. It just feels so hard right now.

Thanks Again! I'll keep posting and reading. It does feel better. Sunny

Tazman53

Sunny the rewards of sobriety do not always come quickly, AA will accelerate them coming by working the steps and making new sober friends, do not get me wrong, this does not mean you dump your old friends, but it can teach you who are ral friends and who are drinking buddies.

You may miss the party girl right now, but a new one will arise from the ashes of the old one, a better one that will have no shame the following morning and will not have a hang over.

CarolD

hi....
the best place I know for understanding and
support is connecting with AA.

Anxiety is not unusual please read this

http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm

Be patient with the weight because your body
is healing and not working 100%

Sobriety Rocks!

lisap

Hi Sunny-

Your story sounds super similar to mine. Two kids, 30's, party girl. My husband is not very supportive though. He likes the party girl. Although he doesn't like it when I am sloppy or can't remember things he tells me. I have been sober a week and feel your pain sister. I always try to remember that saying "don't give up before the miracle happens". My neighbors are the same way with asking why I am not drinking. I tell them it is because of a med I am on.

I have lurked in AA and have relapsed lots, every time I do relapse I get more depressed. Hang in there girlfriend!

laurie6781

Sunny, welcome to SR. You have found a great place to hang your hat as you struggle through the early days of recovery and then as you grow and change to share your own Experience, Strength, and Hope. (ES&H)

Let me tell you that after many many "One Day At A Times" (ODAATs) my non-alcoholic friends and family still do not understand, and as said above, they never will.

What I did find in early recovery was that the meetings of AA gave me contact with people who did understand. Who had been where I was and some that were exactly where I was.

Oh yes, I know there is a whole 12 step program in AA, but in those early months I had all I could do just to go to meetings and listen. I would go early and help set up so that there were only 2 or 3 people that I could tentatively reach out to, and again I would stay and help put everything away. Let me tell you those folks that were at those meetings gave me HOPE and I felt SAFE in those meetings.

My emotions, and feelings were jumping all over the place and 3/4's of what was going on I couldn't even put a label on.

Oh yes, I remember the no sleeping, or sleeping way too much. I know now that was part of the toxins of the alcohol leaving my system.

There are "stickys" at the top of the "Alcohlism Forum" and the "Alcoholism - 12 step recovery" forum. Please read them, you will find lots of pertinent information to help you at this time.

I figured out fairly early in recovery that alone there was no way I could stay sober, but with the help of others I could do this One Day At A Time. That was what drew me to the AA meetings. I wasn't interested and couldn't focus on "a program" lol....it was the people. People from all walks of life.....and they had the same problem I had, but they were smiling and the smiles went all the way to their eyes; and they would laugh, at themselves, and the laughs came all the way from their gut. There was HOPE there, boy was there HOPE.

And there were Women's Meetings. Just women. Me who had not had many women friends my whole life......I was drawn to the Women's meetings.

I tell you this only to let you know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE, that maybe, just maybe you might like to try some meetings (usually the phone number for AA is listed in the phone book, under AA or under Alcoholics Anonymous) and you might like to give them a call and find out if there are any women's meetings in your area. There are usually day and evening meetings.

Maybe some of the posts above and mine give you some HOPE.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing, we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

teej

Hi Sunny!!!
Welcome to SR! Stick with us, you will find great support here!
The weight? Not to worry, your body is doing all sorts of weird stuff right now trying to even itself out on water and trying to get rid of all the toxins in your body. If you are watching what you eat and working out, you are probably gaining muscle mass, which is wayyy heavier than fat ~~ so keep that in mind. You will start noticing your clothes fitting you differently, even though you dont see a huge difference on the scale. Just keep doing what you're doing.....
So glad you are here!! Hugs!

teej

And WAY TO GO on 11 days!!!!!!!!!

1_day@_a_time

"Where is the REWARD!!!!"

My experience has been the more patient I am, the better. It's a REAL process.

Most alcoholics are irratible & discontent. (me)

I have lost & gained over 35+ may times in my life.

Today, with a consistant exercise & with a proper diet for nearly two years, I am in the best shape of my life.

BUT, it takes time, as alcohloics, we want it all now.

And, if your firend is not an alcoholic, really, there is no way she can relate to you and your issue.

Along those lines, I have found almost always, it's my perception and incorrect interpretation that is the problem, not others.

33years18drunk

Hi Sunny!

I too, am new to this site. I started last weekend and have gotten a few responses. I have 6 year old twins and an 8 year old. I am the typical "soccer mom", except my drinking is preventing me from enjoying any of it. I am trying very hard to over-come this hurdle. I too, am one whose friends say... "Gosh, why aren't you drinking. You are the life of the party!" The "bladder infection" excuse only goes so far. Problem is, I don't feel good about myself when I don't have that "edge". My husband has been on me quite a bit lately about how I am not the same, don't enjoy anything anymore, etc.... He came from an alcoholic family, as did I. The only difference is, he made a conscious decision to not be an alcoholic when he was young. I have been drinking since I was 11 years old, and didn't know any different. We both see that I have a problem. I keep saying I will stop, then don't. He doesn't understand why I "just can't" and it is tearing us apart.

Bottom line is, I know what you are going through. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please do the same for me. Take care and good luck.

Jamie

hope3

Hi and welcome sunnydaze, I am so glad you have

such a supportive husband. The weight dropped off a bit

for me after about two months. What are you reading may I ask?

Any way glad you found this site and nice to meet you,

hope3

1_day@_a_time

He can not get it, because I guess he's not an alcoholic.

According to the American Medical Assoc. in 1954, alcoholism is a disease.

Treat it as such!

Lack of power is my dilemma.

If I could have quit all on my own, I would have done so decades ago.

I have found time and time again, when I'm in enough pain, I take action.

1_day@_a_time

Sundaze???

1_day@_a_time

Sundaze???