Hello and sharing...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 8
Hello and sharing...
This is my first post on the forum - I had been looking around here for awhile and found comfort in other's stories, realizing that I am not alone in this sort of hell... so to all of you, a heartfelt thank you for you have helped me without realizing it.
I finally returned to college after a long absence and was assigned to write a narrative about stereotypes. I thought that, perhaps, some of you may relate to it as well and thought I would share...
“Little White Pill”
It begins innocently. Exhausted, you need a little something to help you sleep. Opening the bottle, you ignore the warning labels, believing the pills to be harmless, because the doctor would not have prescribed it to you otherwise; or so you tell yourself. Thus, the vicious cycle begins, for in that one pill, is the ability to destroy families and relationships - your entire world as you know it. In that plain, white pill resides all the lies and deceit that comes with addiction. It is one minuscule pill that can make your life a long, unforgiving and unbearable hell.
I’ve heard the stories on television and in the movies, read about them in books and magazines and overheard rumors at family gatherings with groups huddled together speaking in hushed voices, referring to a friend of a friend with “a bit of a drinking problem”. But never would have believed that addiction would hurl down in a mighty crash upon the very person closest to me, virtually destroying all that we had worked together to accomplish. I never would have believed that addiction could be found so close to home.
One pill taken prior to bed time turns into two or more because you realize you cannot sleep without it and your body has built up a tolerance to the medication. More is now needed to assist you where one had been sufficient before. You soon begin to prefer to live in a chemically induced state where all the rough edges of your life are smoothed away and nothing can touch you during the time that the drug is winding its way through your body. Soon, the drug is used not for sleep but to alleviate a stressful day. Weekends become one long drug binge, and, before you are aware of the change, you have graduated from an occasional user to an addict craving the drug not only physically but perhaps, more strongly, mentally. Now, I have lost the person closest to me because you are no longer there but in an altered state of consciousness so far removed from me.
There were occasions you were able to resist the temptation for a period of time, often spanning weeks, and I mistakenly believed that you had prevailed over the addiction. However, the pill and its effects continued to loom before you, giving you an easily achievable reprieve from all that was troubling you. Inevitably the cycle began anew as you once again turned to the drugs to help you cope, all the while promising yourself that it would be the last time – for the moment forgetting that you used that same excuse before.
I watched the drugs take complete control during the past two years, slowly at first but gaining more and more power over you until you reached the point where nothing mattered as it did before the drugs entered into the equation. Special moments that were once meaningful had somehow become another reason to take one more pill. Instead of spending a birthday together as we used to, I sat and watched you as you slept yet another moment away. Daily encounters that sustain a relationship became strained as the anger I felt was powerfully overwhelming and I found myself having difficulty separating the addiction from the person and your constant statements screaming of denial pushed me farther and farther away.
It was Christmas and we had waited to celebrate the holiday together, allowing each other time with our families who lived hundreds of miles away. We had planned on having a private, little celebration together upon your return. But, instead, unbeknownst to me, you had taken a few pills shortly before and would have little recollection of the celebration. Once again it was a moment lost and our relationship that suffered. There were many of these small precious moments that we missed over the years and so much time wasted. Yet, there was little I could do to stop the downward spiral.
I used to believe that addiction would not happen to me or to those closest to me, that it was something that happened to other people. Addiction was stories of other people I barely knew with faces I would not have recognized. I believed that people became addicts because they did not have anywhere else to turn, the drug was their mistaken salvation and they were too weak to resist its lure. I never believed that the addict that would change my misconceptions and challenge my stereotypes would be the face of the person closest to me with so much going for them, someone incredibly accomplished in their career with an intelligence that I at times envied. Instead, I now realize that addiction is a disease, where I had not truly believed it before. It can happen to any of us given the right situation and opportunity, although some are more prone to addiction than others, and thousands go through similar circumstances every day. I am no longer naïve enough to believe that addiction cares whether you are intelligent, dedicated and courageous, have a bright future ahead of you and are surrounded by people that care deeply for you. It catches a person tightly in its grasp with little regard for who they are or what a promising future may lay in store for them and in the end it hurts not only the addict but those closest to them. It is a hard, life-altering realization that I wish I had never had, and, to this day, I continue to wonder if there could be any good to come from such painfully gained knowledge.
I finally returned to college after a long absence and was assigned to write a narrative about stereotypes. I thought that, perhaps, some of you may relate to it as well and thought I would share...
“Little White Pill”
It begins innocently. Exhausted, you need a little something to help you sleep. Opening the bottle, you ignore the warning labels, believing the pills to be harmless, because the doctor would not have prescribed it to you otherwise; or so you tell yourself. Thus, the vicious cycle begins, for in that one pill, is the ability to destroy families and relationships - your entire world as you know it. In that plain, white pill resides all the lies and deceit that comes with addiction. It is one minuscule pill that can make your life a long, unforgiving and unbearable hell.
I’ve heard the stories on television and in the movies, read about them in books and magazines and overheard rumors at family gatherings with groups huddled together speaking in hushed voices, referring to a friend of a friend with “a bit of a drinking problem”. But never would have believed that addiction would hurl down in a mighty crash upon the very person closest to me, virtually destroying all that we had worked together to accomplish. I never would have believed that addiction could be found so close to home.
One pill taken prior to bed time turns into two or more because you realize you cannot sleep without it and your body has built up a tolerance to the medication. More is now needed to assist you where one had been sufficient before. You soon begin to prefer to live in a chemically induced state where all the rough edges of your life are smoothed away and nothing can touch you during the time that the drug is winding its way through your body. Soon, the drug is used not for sleep but to alleviate a stressful day. Weekends become one long drug binge, and, before you are aware of the change, you have graduated from an occasional user to an addict craving the drug not only physically but perhaps, more strongly, mentally. Now, I have lost the person closest to me because you are no longer there but in an altered state of consciousness so far removed from me.
There were occasions you were able to resist the temptation for a period of time, often spanning weeks, and I mistakenly believed that you had prevailed over the addiction. However, the pill and its effects continued to loom before you, giving you an easily achievable reprieve from all that was troubling you. Inevitably the cycle began anew as you once again turned to the drugs to help you cope, all the while promising yourself that it would be the last time – for the moment forgetting that you used that same excuse before.
I watched the drugs take complete control during the past two years, slowly at first but gaining more and more power over you until you reached the point where nothing mattered as it did before the drugs entered into the equation. Special moments that were once meaningful had somehow become another reason to take one more pill. Instead of spending a birthday together as we used to, I sat and watched you as you slept yet another moment away. Daily encounters that sustain a relationship became strained as the anger I felt was powerfully overwhelming and I found myself having difficulty separating the addiction from the person and your constant statements screaming of denial pushed me farther and farther away.
It was Christmas and we had waited to celebrate the holiday together, allowing each other time with our families who lived hundreds of miles away. We had planned on having a private, little celebration together upon your return. But, instead, unbeknownst to me, you had taken a few pills shortly before and would have little recollection of the celebration. Once again it was a moment lost and our relationship that suffered. There were many of these small precious moments that we missed over the years and so much time wasted. Yet, there was little I could do to stop the downward spiral.
I used to believe that addiction would not happen to me or to those closest to me, that it was something that happened to other people. Addiction was stories of other people I barely knew with faces I would not have recognized. I believed that people became addicts because they did not have anywhere else to turn, the drug was their mistaken salvation and they were too weak to resist its lure. I never believed that the addict that would change my misconceptions and challenge my stereotypes would be the face of the person closest to me with so much going for them, someone incredibly accomplished in their career with an intelligence that I at times envied. Instead, I now realize that addiction is a disease, where I had not truly believed it before. It can happen to any of us given the right situation and opportunity, although some are more prone to addiction than others, and thousands go through similar circumstances every day. I am no longer naïve enough to believe that addiction cares whether you are intelligent, dedicated and courageous, have a bright future ahead of you and are surrounded by people that care deeply for you. It catches a person tightly in its grasp with little regard for who they are or what a promising future may lay in store for them and in the end it hurts not only the addict but those closest to them. It is a hard, life-altering realization that I wish I had never had, and, to this day, I continue to wonder if there could be any good to come from such painfully gained knowledge.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((intro))) Welcome to Sober Recovery.
Like you, many of us here never expected to be here... I hope you can read some of the "sticky" (permanent posts - at the tops of the forums) and read some of the stories. We have much in common.
(((hugs)))
Like you, many of us here never expected to be here... I hope you can read some of the "sticky" (permanent posts - at the tops of the forums) and read some of the stories. We have much in common.
(((hugs)))
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
just want to welcome you to sr, and show my support.
glad you found us but not understand the circumstances. these kind and wise folks here have been my saving grace, hope you stick around. i would love to get to know you. my husband and i both are recovering addicts.
glad you found us but not understand the circumstances. these kind and wise folks here have been my saving grace, hope you stick around. i would love to get to know you. my husband and i both are recovering addicts.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Intro,
Glad you found us.
IMO, Sober Recovery is a place of miracles, I know it helped me regain my sanity when I was at my wit's end dealing with my sons addictions.
Glad you're here.
Glad you found us.
IMO, Sober Recovery is a place of miracles, I know it helped me regain my sanity when I was at my wit's end dealing with my sons addictions.
Glad you're here.
Let me grow up.
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
Well written, Introspection! It was definitely worth the wait to read your first post. I'm sure it's an "A" paper and it's touched so many of us here. We all can relate. I am however sorry that you had to gain the knowledge the way that you did. I know it hurts like hell but we're here for you. Oh, and welcome to our family!
Dream Weaver
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hobart Indiana
Posts: 16
Awesome paper you wrote. You deserve and A for that one as a grade. I was very touching that you shared that with us. Thank you for sharing! I know that I can relate by putting the alcoholism into certain places. I really did touch my heart. It is nice to meet you. Hope we can grow together.
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