Out of Rehab Yesterday, Drunk Today!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 240
Out of Rehab Yesterday, Drunk Today!
Hi All!
I haven't posted on this forum in quite a while, but not much has changed. After having relapsed over 3 years ago, my husband began an intenstive outpatient program that he attended everyday for 3 hours + daily AA meetings. Things "seemed" to be going well and I actually started to let my guard down and allow myself to become optimistic about our future after he was sober for just about 7 weeks. He relapsed on January 15th. And if it wasn't bad enough before his brief period of sobriety, it got 100x worse. He went downhill so fast, so quick. On -February 28th he checked himself into inpatient rehab (for the third time). Two days later he lost his job by way of a "Dear John" letter that came in the mail. Not at all surprising, and certainly long overdue from an employer's standpoint, but financially devastating none-the-less. We have very minimal savings and my job barely covers the household expenses, less food, gas, etc. We don't have health insurance and my husband had to borrow almost $10,000 from his parents to cover the cost of rehab. I have always worried myself to death regarding the possibility of him losing his job, stressing over how I could get by on my own, etc. And that unhealthy anxiety has fueled my role as an enabler in trying to "get him straight" (even if just for the day) so that he could continue to work. And ironically enough, now that he has no job, I am more relaxed. Even though I am worried about our/my financial situation, at least I am not constantly worrying "What if..." or "When...".
He was released from treatment yesterday and checked into a local sober-living house at the suggestion of his therapist. This morning he called and I'm pretty sure he had been drinking, or was real close to drinking. His old self emerged and he was blaming me for not having enough money to stay in treatment longer and not having enough money to pay for the medication that they started him on in treatment that cost $750 a month, etc. And in his manipulative tantrum, he said that he couldn't believe that I would even consider leaving him because he would have to file bankruptcy, blah, blah, blah. And the kicker...he said "You are my wife, my alcoholism is OUR problem." To which I responded, "Alcoholism is your problem, YOU are my problem." and I hung up.
And in all of this turmoil, anxiety and uncertainty, I feel slightly optimistic - without him. My financial situation is not great, but God knows it won't be harder than living with an out-of-control alcoholic. And, of course, I still feel guilty. I still worry that if I "leave him" he will continue to spiral out-of-control. In my head, I know that will happen regardless of whether I stay or not if he continues to drink. And part of me does not care anymore. I want the opportunity to be happy. I know that I deserve to be happy, regardless of whether he can find any joy in life. I am 35. Every day that I stay in this marriage is a day less that I could be happy with someone else. I have never been unfaithful and never would be, even though he is an ass. But the dream of having a "normal" life with someone else, maybe starting a family, being able to have friends and be social, etc. makes me smile. I need to allow myself to detach from this marriage and allow myself the opportunity to be happy...
To those of you who have left, please tell me that there is life after the alcoholic. That you were able to live normally again without liquor bottles hidden in every dark, and not so dark, corner of your house, yard, garage, shed, etc. Please tell me there is light at the end of this dark tunnel!
I haven't posted on this forum in quite a while, but not much has changed. After having relapsed over 3 years ago, my husband began an intenstive outpatient program that he attended everyday for 3 hours + daily AA meetings. Things "seemed" to be going well and I actually started to let my guard down and allow myself to become optimistic about our future after he was sober for just about 7 weeks. He relapsed on January 15th. And if it wasn't bad enough before his brief period of sobriety, it got 100x worse. He went downhill so fast, so quick. On -February 28th he checked himself into inpatient rehab (for the third time). Two days later he lost his job by way of a "Dear John" letter that came in the mail. Not at all surprising, and certainly long overdue from an employer's standpoint, but financially devastating none-the-less. We have very minimal savings and my job barely covers the household expenses, less food, gas, etc. We don't have health insurance and my husband had to borrow almost $10,000 from his parents to cover the cost of rehab. I have always worried myself to death regarding the possibility of him losing his job, stressing over how I could get by on my own, etc. And that unhealthy anxiety has fueled my role as an enabler in trying to "get him straight" (even if just for the day) so that he could continue to work. And ironically enough, now that he has no job, I am more relaxed. Even though I am worried about our/my financial situation, at least I am not constantly worrying "What if..." or "When...".
He was released from treatment yesterday and checked into a local sober-living house at the suggestion of his therapist. This morning he called and I'm pretty sure he had been drinking, or was real close to drinking. His old self emerged and he was blaming me for not having enough money to stay in treatment longer and not having enough money to pay for the medication that they started him on in treatment that cost $750 a month, etc. And in his manipulative tantrum, he said that he couldn't believe that I would even consider leaving him because he would have to file bankruptcy, blah, blah, blah. And the kicker...he said "You are my wife, my alcoholism is OUR problem." To which I responded, "Alcoholism is your problem, YOU are my problem." and I hung up.
And in all of this turmoil, anxiety and uncertainty, I feel slightly optimistic - without him. My financial situation is not great, but God knows it won't be harder than living with an out-of-control alcoholic. And, of course, I still feel guilty. I still worry that if I "leave him" he will continue to spiral out-of-control. In my head, I know that will happen regardless of whether I stay or not if he continues to drink. And part of me does not care anymore. I want the opportunity to be happy. I know that I deserve to be happy, regardless of whether he can find any joy in life. I am 35. Every day that I stay in this marriage is a day less that I could be happy with someone else. I have never been unfaithful and never would be, even though he is an ass. But the dream of having a "normal" life with someone else, maybe starting a family, being able to have friends and be social, etc. makes me smile. I need to allow myself to detach from this marriage and allow myself the opportunity to be happy...
To those of you who have left, please tell me that there is life after the alcoholic. That you were able to live normally again without liquor bottles hidden in every dark, and not so dark, corner of your house, yard, garage, shed, etc. Please tell me there is light at the end of this dark tunnel!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: here a place I need to be
Posts: 30
hey
I'm not sure, get it? hope that your ah sees he going to loose the best thing he ever had ,and gets help, my ah keeps trying at least, and so far I'm still here for him, this affliction they have with a substance is so horrible ,it just isn't fair ,but at least they can control it, not like if they had cancer or something, why is it always to late when they figure it out ?
My prayers are with you and him
I'm not sure, get it? hope that your ah sees he going to loose the best thing he ever had ,and gets help, my ah keeps trying at least, and so far I'm still here for him, this affliction they have with a substance is so horrible ,it just isn't fair ,but at least they can control it, not like if they had cancer or something, why is it always to late when they figure it out ?
My prayers are with you and him
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
Even just reading your header made me cringe. Good Lord you have been through the wringer with this man. His sense of entitlement - ugh, I'm not even involved and I want to roll my eyes at him and say something insulting. What a jerk.
I don't blame you one bit for your exhaustion. You and I are about the same age and we have decades of life ahead of us. I think the best is yet to come for us both
You are way cool, btw. I love the "Alcoholism is YOUR problem ..." line. That my friend was totally priceless!
I don't blame you one bit for your exhaustion. You and I are about the same age and we have decades of life ahead of us. I think the best is yet to come for us both
You are way cool, btw. I love the "Alcoholism is YOUR problem ..." line. That my friend was totally priceless!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Dixie
Posts: 612
I can't speak about life after leaving, either, because I stayed also. But I've read many, many posts that life can be much better if you decide to leave.
Sounds like your AH just isn't ready to receive the sobriety message -- especially when he blamed you because there wasn't money enough to continue the rehab. Maybe someday he will "get it." This money thing (for rehab) is for him to try and figure out.
He's right, in a way... the alcoholism IS both of your problems (because of all the trouble it causes you, too). But his sobriety is HIS problem, alone. He has to make that journey all by himself. If they were only able to "get it." Their lives would be so much happier.
You can make the decision not to let the alcoholism be your problem anymore. There is light at the end of the tunnel. He knows what he has to do, and you know what you have to do. I'm thinking of you both.
Sounds like your AH just isn't ready to receive the sobriety message -- especially when he blamed you because there wasn't money enough to continue the rehab. Maybe someday he will "get it." This money thing (for rehab) is for him to try and figure out.
He's right, in a way... the alcoholism IS both of your problems (because of all the trouble it causes you, too). But his sobriety is HIS problem, alone. He has to make that journey all by himself. If they were only able to "get it." Their lives would be so much happier.
You can make the decision not to let the alcoholism be your problem anymore. There is light at the end of the tunnel. He knows what he has to do, and you know what you have to do. I'm thinking of you both.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by WhatAboutME 
To those of you who have left, please tell me that there is life after the alcoholic. That you were able to live normally again without liquor bottles hidden in every dark, and not so dark, corner of your house, yard, garage, shed, etc. Please tell me there is light at the end of this dark tunnel!
i, too, want to hear this! i know i'm young... i'm in my early 20's, but i often wonder if i'm going to meet someone else, if i can even be happy with anyone else... especially now with all of my trust issues and the paranoia i've developed!
we all deserve better, and i'm totally confident we'll all find someone to treat us so much better than we've had so far
Life is Grand
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
I don't know if it proper for me to post in here, as I am an alcoholic. I was the person your husband is now (well, except that I was the wife). I would like to tell you, as a person in recovery for almost 13 years....you won't be able to live any kind of a normal life, until you leave him. There is no reason you should continue to take the verbal/mental abuse you are going through. It is NOT your fault, nor has it ever been. Possibly the best thing you could do, is let your husband fall flat on his face, maybe then he will get better. It is only when we alcoholics take responsibility for our disease, that we get better, and it sounds like as long as you are there to blame, he never will. You have the RIGHT to be happy, and it doesn't sound like you will ever be in your current situation. You have done more than most, you are a good person to try, but this is bigger than you. Always remember..it is NOT your fault, it is NOT your responsibility to make him stop drinking and you DO have the right to be happy. My husband leaving was MY fault, he tried, but I was just like your husband. Until I fell lower than I thought I could, I couldn't begin to get better.
I am sorry for what you are going through....Cathy
I am sorry for what you are going through....Cathy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 240
Like the absolute FOOL that I am, I just went to talk to him at the sober-living house he is staying at. Even when I expect it, it floors me at how unkind, ungrateful and downright mean he can be. The things that come out of his mouth are absolutely amazing. I know it is the disease talking, but it still hurts. When I look at him, his eyes look so empty. And as spitting mad as I am, it saddens me to no end that he, or anyone, could feel so unhappy/unwanted/unloved/desperate/low/depressed/sad/etc. to slowly, and knowingly, kill themselves with alcohol. This whole disease just sucks out loud.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
when the disease starts talking it can rip your heart and soul right out--so I am glad you understand thats whats happening...this is just my opinion but it sounds like he is trying-going in/out of rehab etc...he is frustrated and misearable and taking it out on you...SURE there is a light at the end of the tunnel--which ever way it goes--you need to take care of yourself as well here.
As a nurse I am most upset at the medical coverage for alcoholism--or even trying to find a place to go for help--it just isn't out there unless you have lots of money...which rehabs are glad to take.It seems AA (and maybe they do) should have some kind of a fund for those caught inbetween the cracks..The older AA guys will tell you in their day they just went to AA meetings-nothing else--they have a point--you either want to quit or you don't...still I think some need the extra help--to get away so they do not have to be dry and miserable in front of the whole family....I hope your AH makes it somehow--don't allow yourself to be verbally assaulted by him though--he will only do it if you let him--best of luck and please update soon to l et us know how you are...
As a nurse I am most upset at the medical coverage for alcoholism--or even trying to find a place to go for help--it just isn't out there unless you have lots of money...which rehabs are glad to take.It seems AA (and maybe they do) should have some kind of a fund for those caught inbetween the cracks..The older AA guys will tell you in their day they just went to AA meetings-nothing else--they have a point--you either want to quit or you don't...still I think some need the extra help--to get away so they do not have to be dry and miserable in front of the whole family....I hope your AH makes it somehow--don't allow yourself to be verbally assaulted by him though--he will only do it if you let him--best of luck and please update soon to l et us know how you are...
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
The disease of addiction is a complex unyielding one. The ony answer is soberity, forever...not an easy task to complete.
Verbal abuse is a deal breaker, at least for me....you do not deserve to be abused in any form.
Take care of you, it is the only answer to your happiness.
Verbal abuse is a deal breaker, at least for me....you do not deserve to be abused in any form.
Take care of you, it is the only answer to your happiness.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 240
The insurance...don't even get me started! When we lived in NY, we did have health insurance, but could we get authorization for inpatient rehab?!? Noooooooo...He was hospitaled 2x in 1 month with an insanely high BAC and our insurance wanted him to have documented outpatient therapy (failed) for another 30 days. The cost of EACH of those hospital stays was close to $5000! Now this is someone who was binge drinking every single day, all day. I acutally asked the CSR if she actually expected me to put this fool behind the wheel of a car to drive himself to the liquor store, I mean outpatient treatment. We lived in a very rural part of NY that had no public transportation. And now in FL...no health insurance. We have been trying to get him a bed at a detox/rehab facility on and off for months and it's always the same thing - Patients that don't have insurance pay on a sliding scale according to their income and you have to put your name on a waiting list...and the wait goes on. Fed up, he accepted the "loan" from his parents to stay in this inpatient rehab. Almost $10,000 for just under 2 weeks of treatment. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect treatment free of charge. There just has to be a better way. Even when we had coverage that specifically allowed 30 days of inpatient treatment per calendar year, we couldn't get authorization. Good grief.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
Have you checked for halfway houses? They are with others, can work their program and prob doesn't cost as much.
See if churches have faith based money from government, that might pay some or all.
Just thoughts.
See if churches have faith based money from government, that might pay some or all.
Just thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: iowa
Posts: 93
WhatAboutME -
I'm not far in front of you. I have filed for divorce - that's about the only difference.
My AH has been thru detox 10X now.
His last bout with hospital detox - he called me and told me he wasn't going to drink again. I asked him what he was going to do? He said just not drink. To which I told him "Nothing changes if nothing changes"
And that's exactly what happened. Nothing changed.
After last weekends explosion at me that I am the one to blame for his losing his driver's license, not the court system (yeh right) - he apparently calmed down now and is back to telling me he loves me, misses me etc.
I am really glad I don't have to deal with him everyday or day - in day - out like it was when we were together. I got off that rollercoaster of emotions.
I don't know if I've really found life after leaving yet.
I still feel I'm drowning in debt and trying to get things taken care of that are classified as marital vs. his debts.
I'm working 5 jobs (6 with my on call job) - and taking care of 3 kids.
I'm hoping when the divorce is done and things are settled - I will find more of a life. But I am enjoying some of the things I used to like doing - and sleeping better since I don't have to listen to the snoring or being woke up because he's withdrawing at 3a.m. and wants to talk.
I still love him and want what's best for him - but I realize that I can't do anything for him. He has to take care of himself.
I do have support of all my co-workers (helps having 5 jobs - I got even more co-workers), the kids' teachers, and of course here at SR.
What I have now, is much more of a life than it was.
I would NOT go back , not a chance.
I'm not far in front of you. I have filed for divorce - that's about the only difference.
My AH has been thru detox 10X now.
His last bout with hospital detox - he called me and told me he wasn't going to drink again. I asked him what he was going to do? He said just not drink. To which I told him "Nothing changes if nothing changes"
And that's exactly what happened. Nothing changed.
After last weekends explosion at me that I am the one to blame for his losing his driver's license, not the court system (yeh right) - he apparently calmed down now and is back to telling me he loves me, misses me etc.
I am really glad I don't have to deal with him everyday or day - in day - out like it was when we were together. I got off that rollercoaster of emotions.
I don't know if I've really found life after leaving yet.
I still feel I'm drowning in debt and trying to get things taken care of that are classified as marital vs. his debts.
I'm working 5 jobs (6 with my on call job) - and taking care of 3 kids.
I'm hoping when the divorce is done and things are settled - I will find more of a life. But I am enjoying some of the things I used to like doing - and sleeping better since I don't have to listen to the snoring or being woke up because he's withdrawing at 3a.m. and wants to talk.
I still love him and want what's best for him - but I realize that I can't do anything for him. He has to take care of himself.
I do have support of all my co-workers (helps having 5 jobs - I got even more co-workers), the kids' teachers, and of course here at SR.
What I have now, is much more of a life than it was.
I would NOT go back , not a chance.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: By the sea
Posts: 415
Originally Posted by WhatAboutME
I want the opportunity to be happy. I know that I deserve to be happy, regardless of whether he can find any joy in life. I am 35. Every day that I stay in this marriage is a day less that I could be happy with someone else. I have never been unfaithful and never would be, even though he is an ass. But the dream of having a "normal" life with someone else, maybe starting a family, being able to have friends and be social, etc. makes me smile. I need to allow myself to detach from this marriage and allow myself the opportunity to be happy...
To those of you who have left, please tell me that there is life after the alcoholic. That you were able to live normally again without liquor bottles hidden in every dark, and not so dark, corner of your house, yard, garage, shed, etc. Please tell me there is light at the end of this dark tunnel!
To those of you who have left, please tell me that there is life after the alcoholic. That you were able to live normally again without liquor bottles hidden in every dark, and not so dark, corner of your house, yard, garage, shed, etc. Please tell me there is light at the end of this dark tunnel!
I believe there is!!!
I am about your age and left my AH a couple of months ago. I´ve also filed for divorce.
It´s not an easy thing to do...but what´s the alternative?? Sacrifice our lives to this crazy, abusive, horrible alcoholic b.s.???
I still get sad a lot...but I try to focus on the fact that everything's going to be just fine! You know, I want a family, but having one with AH is clearly NOT an option. At this point, after what I've been through, a cat would be just fine
Life is going good without him. Yeah, I get lonely sometimes, but it's not worse than his verbal abuse, crazy rambling, and incoherent sagas. I am really liking doing whatever I want, whenever I want to, with whomever I want. I like living without the constant heavy burden of guarding a secret...and not knowing what kind of drunken mood AH will be in when I get home. I am liking not being disappointed everyday by his let-downs, cancellations, and plan-changes. I like living with sanity.
I can totally relate to how you feel when you dream about having friends, a social life, etc...a little smile comes to my face too when I think about being free
Life is so short. Let's not use up our precious time tending to addicts who don't treat us well and who won't help themselves.
Don't waste your life on him...he is sick and it will just keep going and going.
You´re right...we DO deserve happiness and a good life.
Yes!!! There is life after the alcoholic!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello there WhatAboutMe,
Yes, there is life after the alcoholic. A life that is wonderful beyong my wildest imaginings.
My wife and I had a perfect marriage for some 15yrs or so. She suffered from a very painful disability and the HMO she was under caused her serious injury. She was in great pain for a couple years, and when her condition was brought under control she chose not to get off the pain pills. The last couple years of our marriage were awful.
At the same time I lost my business to the lousy economy. My health went sour when I developed a bad heart condition. I left that marriage with a truck full of belongings and moved out of town to get a job. I got me a little apartment behind the salvation army, signed up for this forum as well as al-anon, and started over.
That was a little over two years ago. My life today is every bit as wonderful as it was before the addiction destroyed my marriage. Physically I still have a ways to go. I am earning about a fourth of what I was making before, but amazingly I have enough to pay all my bills. I now have a very nice condo just around the corner from my fav meeting. I still have a lot of boxes around, and not much furniture. Ask Cynay, she came over once and kept saying "do you live here?" *lol*
My health is puttering along, but I'm well enough to hang on to a simple desk job. Emotionally is where my life has become wonderful. I have a whole bunch of new friends in my new town, I have a nice little job that is so stress-free it's boring. When I lie down at night I go to sleep, instead of spending hours praying on my knees for God to help me. When I go to work I just go to work, I don't have to drive my wife to her job first cuz I'm worried she'll get in a wreck. I don't worry all day long that I'll get some phone call with horrible news.
I don't get phone calls from strange women wanting to know why their husbands are spending so much time with my wife. I'm not afraid of waking up in the morning to another day of insanity. I get phone calls from friends, and I wake up sleepy cuz I stayed up too late chit-chatting with those friends.
The most amazing thing to me is that I have started dating. This broken heart that got super-glued together by a bunch of gentle al-anons is actually feeling hopeful about the future, and grateful about the present.
All my dreams and hopes for a future with my ex-wife were shattered by addiction. The life I spent 20yrs building is gone. al-anon showed me how to build a new dream, how to make new hopes and start a new life. Last weekend I went on a date, my lady did her karaoke thing and I made a fool of myself dancing. Tomorrow I'm going out with some friends who are new to recovery. Tonite I got the stereo blaring (my downstairs neighbor is deaf, so I can party
) and I'm waiting for the frogs in the back yard to come out of hibernation.
I have no idea what the future has for me, but today I am not afraid of it. Today I _want_ my future and I can't wait to see what wonders there are for me.
So yes, recovery does work. Whether you leave or stay, whether you get deep into the 12 steps or not at all. Whatever path works for you, recovery does work and it works very well. Take a little time to browse thru the posts here. In this forum alone there's about 600 people who are moving forward in their life, making choices and creating a new future for themselves. There's another 600 or so next door in the Friends-and-Family-Addicts forum, we got together for a party last week
There's _thousands_ who have found a new life so full of joy and happiness they just don't have the time to come and post anymore. And that's just this little corner of the web. There's countless more all over the world in the meetings of al-anon and nar-anon, in churches, synagogues, temples and therapy groups.
The light at the end of the tunnel is _your_ light. It's there for you to make it bright and beautiful and loving. All you have to do is have a little bit of faith that what has worked for us will also work for you. We're here every day so you have a place to vent, to cry, to scream and to laugh. In real life meetings there's people just like us ready to share their tissues and stories.
Like Cynay says, those people in the real life meets are glad to have you, just like we are, cuz when you join us we are no longer alone.
Mike
Originally Posted by WhatAboutME
... To those of you who have left, please tell me that there is life after the alcoholic. That you were able to live normally again ...
My wife and I had a perfect marriage for some 15yrs or so. She suffered from a very painful disability and the HMO she was under caused her serious injury. She was in great pain for a couple years, and when her condition was brought under control she chose not to get off the pain pills. The last couple years of our marriage were awful.
At the same time I lost my business to the lousy economy. My health went sour when I developed a bad heart condition. I left that marriage with a truck full of belongings and moved out of town to get a job. I got me a little apartment behind the salvation army, signed up for this forum as well as al-anon, and started over.
That was a little over two years ago. My life today is every bit as wonderful as it was before the addiction destroyed my marriage. Physically I still have a ways to go. I am earning about a fourth of what I was making before, but amazingly I have enough to pay all my bills. I now have a very nice condo just around the corner from my fav meeting. I still have a lot of boxes around, and not much furniture. Ask Cynay, she came over once and kept saying "do you live here?" *lol*
My health is puttering along, but I'm well enough to hang on to a simple desk job. Emotionally is where my life has become wonderful. I have a whole bunch of new friends in my new town, I have a nice little job that is so stress-free it's boring. When I lie down at night I go to sleep, instead of spending hours praying on my knees for God to help me. When I go to work I just go to work, I don't have to drive my wife to her job first cuz I'm worried she'll get in a wreck. I don't worry all day long that I'll get some phone call with horrible news.
I don't get phone calls from strange women wanting to know why their husbands are spending so much time with my wife. I'm not afraid of waking up in the morning to another day of insanity. I get phone calls from friends, and I wake up sleepy cuz I stayed up too late chit-chatting with those friends.
The most amazing thing to me is that I have started dating. This broken heart that got super-glued together by a bunch of gentle al-anons is actually feeling hopeful about the future, and grateful about the present.
All my dreams and hopes for a future with my ex-wife were shattered by addiction. The life I spent 20yrs building is gone. al-anon showed me how to build a new dream, how to make new hopes and start a new life. Last weekend I went on a date, my lady did her karaoke thing and I made a fool of myself dancing. Tomorrow I'm going out with some friends who are new to recovery. Tonite I got the stereo blaring (my downstairs neighbor is deaf, so I can party
) and I'm waiting for the frogs in the back yard to come out of hibernation.I have no idea what the future has for me, but today I am not afraid of it. Today I _want_ my future and I can't wait to see what wonders there are for me.
So yes, recovery does work. Whether you leave or stay, whether you get deep into the 12 steps or not at all. Whatever path works for you, recovery does work and it works very well. Take a little time to browse thru the posts here. In this forum alone there's about 600 people who are moving forward in their life, making choices and creating a new future for themselves. There's another 600 or so next door in the Friends-and-Family-Addicts forum, we got together for a party last week
There's _thousands_ who have found a new life so full of joy and happiness they just don't have the time to come and post anymore. And that's just this little corner of the web. There's countless more all over the world in the meetings of al-anon and nar-anon, in churches, synagogues, temples and therapy groups.
The light at the end of the tunnel is _your_ light. It's there for you to make it bright and beautiful and loving. All you have to do is have a little bit of faith that what has worked for us will also work for you. We're here every day so you have a place to vent, to cry, to scream and to laugh. In real life meetings there's people just like us ready to share their tissues and stories.
Like Cynay says, those people in the real life meets are glad to have you, just like we are, cuz when you join us we are no longer alone.
Mike
Stairmaster
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: BRISTOL, PA
Posts: 76
The old saying
One door closes another one opens....what they don't tell us is the hallway in between is a bitch. Take care of yourself. You cant walk ten miles into the woods without walking ten miles out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 240
Wow! You are all so wonderful and it is truly humbling how willing everyone here is to share their painful experiences in the hopes that it will help others (and themselves). And even though we are all so different, isn't it amazing how our stories are so similar?
dum vita est spes est
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: vita secundum nex
Posts: 287
You're a good woman, WAM.
I'm an alcoholic/addict and was your husband at one point as well. I've torched many relationships because of my disease (amazing one gal lasted almost three years but wised up, just barely, enough to leave me - for once my disease didn't try to get her to stay because I actually didn't want her to hurt anymore). I currently have a good job, but should be denied that privilege because of my drinking - my job is hanging on a thread as I type this.
"What about me" - hey WAM, that's OUR line. You should seriously consider that...what about YOU. The only difference between an active alcoholic (still drinking) and one that isn't is complete surrender. It sounds like your hubby isn't willing to get outside of himself, letting go of self is one of the most difficult things those of us with the disease can do. We don't care about hurting ourselves, so why in the world would we care about hurting those that love us? (and in most cases we don't love ourselves either).
Rehab can be so much more than just getting clean, but from what you've said your hubby just uses it to get off the sauce - doesn't try to understand what is being said and the tools that are given to him. I'm not qualified to give you advice on what you should do. But now that I have (recently) chosen sobriety and surrender, I've noticed that my friends and family are much more at ease, for once I realized how much they hurt when I hurt, and they hurt when I didn't hurt. So during my addiction they were always carrying the burden of worry and hurt, while I got a holiday from that everytime I picked up.
Leave it to an alcoholic to make a short story long, we ARE the best storytellers dontcha know? "What about YOU" that's your answer IMHO, it's your turn to live.
Hugs, Prayers, and Blessings to you ,
PR
I'm an alcoholic/addict and was your husband at one point as well. I've torched many relationships because of my disease (amazing one gal lasted almost three years but wised up, just barely, enough to leave me - for once my disease didn't try to get her to stay because I actually didn't want her to hurt anymore). I currently have a good job, but should be denied that privilege because of my drinking - my job is hanging on a thread as I type this.
"What about me" - hey WAM, that's OUR line.
You should seriously consider that...what about YOU. The only difference between an active alcoholic (still drinking) and one that isn't is complete surrender. It sounds like your hubby isn't willing to get outside of himself, letting go of self is one of the most difficult things those of us with the disease can do. We don't care about hurting ourselves, so why in the world would we care about hurting those that love us? (and in most cases we don't love ourselves either).Rehab can be so much more than just getting clean, but from what you've said your hubby just uses it to get off the sauce - doesn't try to understand what is being said and the tools that are given to him. I'm not qualified to give you advice on what you should do. But now that I have (recently) chosen sobriety and surrender, I've noticed that my friends and family are much more at ease, for once I realized how much they hurt when I hurt, and they hurt when I didn't hurt. So during my addiction they were always carrying the burden of worry and hurt, while I got a holiday from that everytime I picked up.
Leave it to an alcoholic to make a short story long, we ARE the best storytellers dontcha know?
"What about YOU" that's your answer IMHO, it's your turn to live.Hugs, Prayers, and Blessings to you ,
PR
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
My AS went to several inpatient rehabs--mostly just to get off the booze---it took several time until he finally ''got it''..All the money and insurance problems didn't help --but--when he decided he quit....he refuses to go to AA--I mention it to him frequently- but he''hates it'' I know just the opposite would be true if he went more-everyonce in a while he goes--but I don't forse the issue....He -I believe is terrified of opening up to other people--sooner or later that bridge will have to be crossed--when he is ready. I will say he constantly reads all the AA books and has a large collection,,,,ok for now I quess
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by PurpleReign
We don't care about hurting ourselves, so why in the world would we care about hurting those that love us? (and in most cases we don't love ourselves either).
ah! exactly!
at times i feel so sympathetic for my ex... i know she doesn't love herself and i know she isn't happy, so how could she give me all of that, when she couldn't even give it to herself?
i just don't know why it's so hard to choose between leading a happy, sober life and a drunk, miserable one.
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