Think my mother is alcohol dependant???

Old 03-08-2007, 09:00 PM
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Think my mother is alcohol dependant???

I am new to this forum.

I am getting a strong feeling that my mother is addicted to alcohol. A quick history on my family:

* My father died at 50 from heart attack. Looking back he was a huge drinker – would drink approx. 5-6 cans of beer a night, drank every day and on weekends as soon as 12noon hit you would hear the first can opening.

* Mum drank too with him but can not really remember how much. She used to drink cask wine – so I suppose you never notice it empty like wine bottles

* Mum’s been on her own ever since dad died and hasn’t coped well with his death.

* At family functions, she fills her wine glasses to the brim and has one after another and by the end gets quite aggressive and argumentative.

* I have looked in her recycling bin and have noticed many bottles in there ( I once asked her whether she had visitors over and she said ‘no’ – couldn’t believe it)



Apart from the obvious physical signs of excess alcohol intake such as being drunk. Is there any other signs which may give someone who is addicted to alcohol. I find that my mum constantly makes comments about wine. If she goes out to dinner or lunch and drives she always needs to tell you that she only had ‘one’ wine at dinner or lunch. I wouldn’t even think about telling people that I went to dinner and point out the I had only ‘one’ wine or I had ‘two’ wines, etc.

She also tells us that she leaps out of bed every morning feeling great , bright as a button, etc. I don’t know whether this is her way of covering it up. I have read that alcoholics get used the their intake and they don’t tend to get a hang over, over time. Is this true?

I also find that she gets very defensive when you talk about her drinking. I once jokingly called her a ‘pisspot’ and she got so defensive I couldn’t believe it. If someone said it to me, I would have laughed it off and not thought twice about it – because I don’t drink very much. I enjoy a wine or beer but nothing too excessive.

Is there any other signs that can give an alcoholic away? Also is there a certain number of drinks someone has a day that could constitute an alcoholic (eg. A bottle of wine a day)

Thanks
Al
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Old 03-09-2007, 01:56 AM
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Welcome to SR Alton.

It can get a little quiet around here at night sometimes. But don't get discouraged; others will be along shortly to welcome you.

In the meantime, please read the threads here and the stickies at the top. There's tons of good information that might help to answer some of your questions.

Again, welcome to SR, I'm glad you found us. Sit tight........
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Old 03-09-2007, 02:34 AM
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Welcome to SR !!!! Keep reading and posting.
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Old 03-09-2007, 06:41 AM
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Welcome (((Alton)))
I think only your Mom knows whether she's an alchoholic.
What we loved ones find though is that something brings us here... fear, hopelessness, rage, all different emotions.

I doubt that you're just asking for heck of it, so chances are your Mom's drinking has has had a negative impact on your life.
Does it really matter then how we label it?

My sister is an alchoholic (my term), as is my Dad, although Dad no longer drinks because he can't...he's under someone elses care (ironically my sister)

I've given up lecturing to the sis...I can't control her or her drinking. She too "bounces" up in the morning...somewhere in her head she's convinced herself that if she isn't having the typical hangover, she doesn't have a problem. But this is the same gal that can't put a sentence together by 9pm.
Stick around and stay a spell, read around.
Regardless of where things land with your Mom, you can focus on you, and prevent getting dragged in as things progress.
And they may well progress...addiction is a progressive desease.
Glad you've joined us
(((Hugs)))
Cece
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Old 03-09-2007, 08:29 AM
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I gauge an alcoholic not by how much they drink, but rather how the drink affects their behavior, their relationships and their lives. If these things get all messed up and the person continues to drink anyway... then chances are they have a problem.

I did some pretty regular and heavy party drinking in my younger days, but outgrew it as I got older and matured. I never became an alcoholic. Some people do and some don't. Now, I hardly ever drink. I don't frown upon it... I'm just not interested.
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Old 03-09-2007, 08:29 AM
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Welcome to Sober Recovery, Alton. My mother is the addict in my life right now. I went through all the things you did, but with prescription bottles, not wine bottles. I finally started to realize that there was nothing I could do to get her to stop using and that she was clearly abusing drugs.

From there I learned that I did not cause her to abuse, I cannot control her abuse, and I cannot cure her abuse. Things became easier for me after that.
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Old 03-09-2007, 10:38 AM
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welcome, alton! Look forward to getting to know you. Hope you've been doing some reading around the site, especially the stickys.

Please keep posting - this is a great place for loving support.
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Old 03-09-2007, 12:19 PM
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Glad you are here...

Welcome to SR!
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Old 03-09-2007, 03:24 PM
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Welcome..

My Mom is an "A" has been drinking for over 60 years, and, there is no end in sight. She is now 81, and keep chugging along...go figure.

I can't add much to the others, all I can say is that you need to work on you, there is nothing and I mean nothing you can do to stop her from drinking. I've tried everything at least a 100 times, and only ended up holding the empty bottle.

Keep posting, it will help.
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Old 03-09-2007, 07:34 PM
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Smile

Hi all,

Thank you all so much for your responses.

You are so right when you mention that I need to look after myself and not get too upset. I am married with a 10mth old daughter and that is where I need to focus my energy.

I know I wouldn't be able to stop my mum drinking and especially that she lives on her own and does not have that daily support around to encourage her.

The funny thing is that when I spoke to my sister not long ago about it all - she sat there nodding her head to everything I was saying....so now I know I am not the only one feeling like this.

It is jsut so so sad.......

Thanks for listening.

Alton
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Old 03-09-2007, 08:28 PM
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Hey Alton,
My best to your family.
I've found that talking to others that understand prevents me from piling it on to those who may become overwhelmed, innocent ones such as family and friends who care about us.
Try a meeting in your area, or stop back if you get the chance.
There's always a light on here
((((Hugs)))
Cece
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Old 03-09-2007, 11:46 PM
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hello, alton.....i know how you are feeling right now.....my mother was an alcoholic.....she drank quite heavily for a long time........i'm very sorry to say there is not much you can do to stop this.......of course you can tell her how you feel and that you love her and are worried, etc......but those things just do not make a difference to an addict.......i understand, also, because i am one.......it's not to say that we don't love you, but addiction is a very powerful thing......and it is more powerful than your words.......they won't get through to her......

i know how sad this is for you......and i really wish i had some more encourageing words for you, but there is hope.....this board is full of people who are addicted and have found sobriety......my mother was sober for 2 yrs. when she passed......

i can tell you that it is a very difficult and frightening thing to admit you are an alcoholic or an addict of any kind.......there is so much guilt and shame involved.....so many of us can go for a long time in denial.......

i gave my mother literature on alcoholism, quoted statistics.......and even refused to leave my children with her alone, for fear that she would be unable to care for them......but she had to admit to herself she had a problem......and take her own steps to quit......


take care of yourself and your daughter.....and if you pray, do so for her.....and i wil too......

good luck,
hugs
ayla
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