lisap

Today is my 4th day without drinking, or any mood altering substances. I have spent time in AA in the last year, but have relapsed lots. thankfully, I always have heeded the phrase "keep coming back". I had a stressful day with kids, life, etc, things we all deal with. The thing is, I have for the last ten years (minus two pregnancies) always altered my mood with alcohol DOC, weed, benzos, etc.. I feel so edgy! I feel kinda stuck because I feel I cannot go back to even five days ago, the anxiety, fear, depression, slavery of alcohol. I also knew I was tetering on a second addiction to benzos to relieve the panic. But at the same time I am uncomfortable in my skin today. I did go to the gym to keep me from being idle and in temptation.
I'll stop rambling, for now. I sure wish my kiddos would go to sleep!!!!!!!!!
One more thing, I know my husband has pain pills around and all day this little girl has been toying with taking one to take the edge off. Not gonna do it! Hopefully this makes sense, my brain is tired.

Golfman

Good for you lisap,

I wanted you to know that you're not alone. I'm an alcoholic by trade, but I do know how the pressures of life can build up and cause anyone to explode. You make absolute sense, tired brain and all. Keep coming back to let us know how you are. We all care how you're doing.

Best to you on your recovery road,
Ed

Kellye C

I second what Ed said. Alcohol was my drug of choice also but I wasn't above benzos or pain pills to knock myself out because my aim in any of it was to not feel anything or deal with anything. I preferred to be an ostrich, stick my head in the sand and hope it went away.

Anyways, good for you for resisting the urge to put mind altering substances in your body. You can do this. Let us help. Keep reaching out.

Hugs,
Kellye

stone

Well done lisa! One day at a time remember.

CarolD

You are making a wise decision
please keep in focus and you too can win over addiction.

Congratulations!

teej

Hang in there Lisa!! You can do this girl!! You are WAYYY worth it, and so is being happy with your adorable family. (so are you!) If you ever want to talk, you know I'm here for you!!

GlassPrisoner

I remember the early sobriety anxiety. It's rough.

Hang in there, it get's better.

lisap

Thanks for the encouragement. I didn't sleep to well last night and feel crabby again today but there is no going back! things will only get worse.

indigo

You are doing just fine keep up the good work.
indigo

UncleEarl

A bit of crabbiness and sleepiness is far preferable to a lot of hangover, guilt, and shame.

Give yourself kudos for making the right choice. It only gets better

Earl

Missymae737

Hello,

Congrats on your ability to remain sober!

I have been in the situation of KNOWING there were substances available. I also learned that I had to ask for help. I asked that these substances(pills), be removed from my sight. I am very weak in resisting the temptation of using pills.

Keep posting here!

Golfman

Lisa,

In early sobriety many things whirl around in our minds, especially at night. It's okay to feel crabby, anxious, scared, etc. This process, if carried through per a simple set of suggestions, takes years to turn us into the people we would like to be. You're right, going back will definitely make things worse. it never, ever gets better.

A suggestion if you'll permit me....devote some time today to just be by yourself and be quiet. It may take listening to your favorite music, sitting alone outside, if it's not too cold. With a grateful heart, look up and thank God that He's put you here with us again. Think of yourself as a sponge. Be willing to soak up what others say about their hope and how they remain in recovery.

Your in sobriety,
Ed

teej

Good morning Lisa!!!!!!!
Happy day 5 to you Yep, the sleeping pattern thing sure does suck in that first week, but you will make it though! Try to get a nap in today while the boys do. Dont forget to drink lots of water and snack on stuff you like. Get a puzzle out of the closet, or go play games on pogo.com (that really makes time fly!), or watch a couple good movies. Just anything to get out of your own head, ya know?
Love & hugs, keep posting too!

h4lov909

congrats lisa we seem to be on the same day,i am just starting to feel better and clearer, i'm sure u will soon too. (sleepytime tea doesn't count as mind altering does it???lol)

lisap

Thanks for all the support.

Ed and TJ I always appreciate what you have to say. I just thought I would feel better by now. I did just wake up from a nice nap. Thankfully the weather here in CO is nice today, that helps the mood a lil. I am also thankful I haven't had the desire today, being Friday and all. My husband is home from traveling for a couple of days. I think I will try and hit a meeting tomorrow morning. I haven't been to that one in a loooooooong time so it will take some humility and honesty, but that is part of the deal, right? Have a good weekend all.

h4lov, we CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!! together, I find it easy to be honest on-line.

Golfman

You bet kid, why do you think honesty is mentioned 3 times in the first paragraph of 'How It Works" in the Big Book? And by the way, this is eventually going to be about life, drinking will become incidental. Take a look at the 12 steps. Alcohol is only mentioned twice. In the 1st step because that's really the only one we have to do perfectly, and in the 12th step because our Higher Power wants us to free give what had been given to us to other suggering alcoholics.

Hang in there Lisa, your Higher Power has a hand on your shoulder. If you let him, he will guide you down the road to a happy recovery.

Lots of hugs,
Ed