4LeafClover

I think I'm doing alright, I still miss my ex (go figure) but I'm finding that I miss his son even more. He's 8, and when I left my ex, I had to leave him behind too. For 2 years, I got to be like a second mother to him. His dad, my ex, wasn't always there (either physically or mentally) and his mother, honestly I think she's worse off than my ex. Which leaves this 8 year old boy nowhere. He has a grandparent on each side. He has an alcoholic grandfather on one side, and a looney tunes grandmother on the other (we won't even get into her story...I find I am more shocked by her behavior than my ex's). I worry about him so much. He is such a beautiful boy, and so smart for his age. He knows more than he should. I miss just watching a movie and having him ask if I was ready to get situated. lol That meant he was ready to sit down and cuddle up to me. I would put my arm around him, and he would rest his head on my boob and just chatter throughout the movie. I would watch him draw, all the while telling him how great he was at it, while my ex would tell him what he was doing wrong. I would see right through the tantrums he was throwing and why he was behaving like that, and instead of my ex talking to him, I would. My ex would remain angry, and eventually want to get out of the house because he "couldn't deal with it".

I miss him so much. I worry about him every day. Is he getting everything he needs? Is he being taken care of? Does he feel loved? Is he happy? And the worst thing is I can't do anything for him. That's what really gets to me. What if he thinks I left because of something he did? What is his father makes it all out to be his fault? I'm so scared he is going to be 27 years old, just like his father, and wondering what happened. I'm 20 years old wishing I had an 8 year old son so someone in his life could make sure he gets to be a kid. I just don't know what to do in a situation like this. Any advice?

hope2bhappy

I'm sorry, but I don't have any advice for your situation. Just wanted you to know that I hear you and am praying for you.

prodigal

For someone who is just 20, you have a great deal of maturity and compassion. I assume you and your ex were not married that long - well, long enough! Do you know where ex is living? Is there any chance of having a discussion with him about his son? It sounds as if he finds the boy to be a bit of a headache - and he doesn't want to deal with his own child.

This is only a suggestion, but do you think a little reverse psychology might work if you could get the ex to listen? Come at him from the direction that you'd be glad to take the child off his hands and babysit a lot so the ex can be free to go out and party or do whatever. I'm suggesting this based on the assumption you know how to locate this man.

It sounds like this poor little kid is starved for love and you sound like a person who could give him plenty of love and affection.

ICU

You have wonderful insight into what he might be thinking and feeling. It's my understanding that kids always blame themselves in situations like this. Don't let the opportunity pass without making it perfectly clear to him that he is not to blame....at all! The reason you left is because of issues between you and his Dad. Let him ask you questions and be as honest as you can be, but keep the answers on his level of comprehension.

I hope and pray that you can still be an active part of his life. It sounds like the two of you have a very special bond. It would be a darn shame for that to be broken.

Bless you for caring so much about him.

lilac

You have such wisdom and insight for someone your age.....and compassion. That little boy is very lucky to have someone like you concerned for him.
God know he needs it !

AllTooSober

(((Hugs))) for you and for that little boy. You've both been blessed by each other's presence. I hope you can find a way to spend time together!

4LeafClover

I wish we could spend time together. I would love to babysit him. Any day, anytime. Unfortunately, I had to get a restraining order against my ex, and he is not allowed to contact me because of that, and as part of his bond agreement (I pressed charges against him for assault). Since he lives with his mother, I would contact her, but as I said before, I don't think that woman was ever completely sane, and I am afraid of how she would react if I called to ask her to see him. Depending on her mood, she would probably take it out on him. I would rather not see him than make things worse for him at home. I keep hoping maybe I will see him at the store when he's out shopping with them, just so I could give him a hug and tell him I love him.

I think my only option is to pray for him, and hope maybe one day he will grow up to be the opposite of his father. He is already such a good person. I wish his dad realized how lucky he is.

Thank you so much for being there for me, it helps to know that I'm not alone.

Sunflower

That has to be soooo hard for you-on top of everything else.You are very mature for a person your age. I was in a simular situation when my brother ended his marriage to his first wife. She had a boy from her previous marriage.I was very close to him he was my nephew for 10 years even though we didn't share the same blood. My brother divorce was not a nice one as he was leaving his wife for a much younger girl...I not only missed my ''nephew'' I missed his ex/ I knew he was well taken care of so I didn't have that worry--but boy I missed him...I didnt see him again for years--the reunion was nice.
I don't know what to tell you-it seems you were the only stable one in this boys life--HE must miss YOU--don't woory about whatever anyone else says to him--kids are smarter than you think--he will always remember how good you were to him,,,If it is possible it would be nice if you could see him once in a while--maybe not possible given the situation with the ex---keep the faith...

kermit

There is always something to do, if you feel he is in danger and not being taken care of, then why aren't you doing something about it? Why can't you have him?