MTBChick

A part of me really wants to forgive my ex- A bf and maybe one day be friends with him or at least not want to run him over with my mountain bike if I see him out on the trails. I know he wants me to think he is working a program and not drinking anymore...well, at least this was the case back in October when he had mailed me an amends letter (which I mailed back to him un-opened)... but, my gut tells me he's not and I know I can't go back to being friends with someone who lies.... I get so frustrated I have made such great progress in getting my life back together and regaining the self-esteem that I had lost...and then I'll hit a period where I go back to thinking about him. Once, my masters degree is done I think it will be time for me to move and fully heal. I find just living in the same city as him and having a lot of friends in AA that I go to open AA meetings with (not in AA myself but Al-anon just go to open meetings to learn more about the disease) and being very into mountain biking like he is lends itself to running into each other which I worry about. Anyway, question if an "A" was really sober and working a program (AA) do you think they would post in forums making comments like "ah yes good times good times" with a beer emoticon or jim beam emoticon along with it...you know like if you were to say to a friend hey remember back in college when we used to go out to the bars and party and get drunk...ah yes good time good times. My thought is that no they wouldn't.

Cynay

I have friends in AA that talk fondly of their drinking days... they talk about how much fun they use to have and usually compare it to the fun they have today without the hangover. BOY do some of them have some stories too...

Not sure that helps just a touch of what I have seeen.

Astro

No, I don't think I'd post about how much fun the good old days used to be, because the time came when I crossed the fine line of it turning from fun into a living nightmare, and I was one of the walking dead.

When I got sober I found new friends, my drinking buddies from the old days weren't true friends. That old life is gone, and I'm happy to say I don't miss it one bit.

hope3

Welcome MTB chick, heres a good link to learn alot of information about

alcoholism.

Studies, facts, frequently asked questions, and so fourth.

The link is to the Natl. Inst. for alcohol addiction.

Congrats on getting your masters, in advance...

best wishes...hope3

http://www.niaaa.nih.gov/

denny57

MTB, I just stuck to one day at a time when I would have those feelings. I don't have them anymore, but I well remember the days. I know it's not this simple, but it seems one day I just didn't. Continue the work on you and I believe everything else will happen the way it should.

((()))

MTBChick

Yes my AA friends have talked about the things they have done when they were drinking...but, I don't think any of them would make cheers to it. I think the meaning of what I was trying to say wasn't communicated clearly on my part. This remark was made to "his" military buddies in such a way that supports the whole military flying community which centers most of there life around flying, sleeping with women (even when you have a wife or girlfriend back at home) and getting drunk. Just my opinion but to me when you have seperated from the military (i.e. no longer a military pilot) and are trying to get sober/stay sober and work a program that you would try and build a new life rather than hang out on a AF pilot forum conversing back and forth with old squadron buddies you used to fly with and do all your drinking with all day everyday...Oh did I forget to mention they would spend everday while they were still in there active days of drinking doing the same thing...sitting in that forum conversing with other active/retired AF pilots....just my opinion that if you went to treatment and were serious about staying sober and working a program you would stay away from old habits/behaviors.

MTBChick

by the way thanks for the words of encouragement. I appriciate it. I think or I should say I know I sometimes take the focuss of me and put it on him b/c I I'm either scared to look at myself or I'm scared to fully have and lead a life free of caios and drama. I got used to the emotional up and downs and crazy life that it is what is familure and although I was never happy and always in emotional pain I knew what to expect. "Normal" life scares me even though I'm happy and have healthy friends... I have those momentary slips.... makes me want to go and bang my head against a wall LOL.

StandingStrong

Old habits die hard - and that goes for everyone, regardless if addiction is involved or not.
I don't know why you want to keep focusing on your A. Heck, in hindsite, I really couldn't tell you why I allowed my A to become the focus of my life either. I'm sure it was for many reasons but it seemed to become more of a habit - something I did without even thinking about it - as I loved him so much.

Anyways.....for me, it came to the point of acceptance before I could really begin to let go and move on. Accepting the facts of my reality were huge.
I had other issues that I dealt with later - but acceptance truly was big for me.

Once I accepted the truth, it really was easier for me.

lilac

Just wanted to extend my welcome to you.......