22Tango

...my current living situation in a hurry because my housemate (who owns the house) has accused me of stealing and lying. She is missing an expensive lab kit required for her job (around $1,000) and is pretty much saying that I either stole it or misplaced, or my kids did. Told her that sometimes, things just go missing, or get misplaced, or get lost. Told me I needed to change my sh*ty attitude or me and my kids would be homeless. IN FRONT OF MY KIDS.

THAT IS A BOUNDARY VIOLATION I WILL NO LONGER TOLERATE. I told her once before in a respectful way that she could say anything she liked to me, as long as it was done in a respectful tone/attitude and not in front of my children. I believe "praise in public, criticize in private" is a hallmark of maturity. I then gave her a month's notice that I would be moving; only been there a month. (sigh). So I have to make a lateral move back in with the recovering ExH ( been sober 12 years, so could be worse). I only have a month there, though, until I have to find an apartment.

I just feel blasted by life these days. In the past year, my grandpa died, my dad died (on my wedding anniversary, buried Father's Day), I was divorced, forced out of my home and am now having to leave another home due to a BIG boundary violation. I am just so sick of it all and am having a hard time not living each minute in fear, anxiety and stress. Not sleeping, shaking all the time - really bad. My Alanon meeting really helped this morning, but I would appreciate hearing from all you guys. Also in the middle of getting another sponsor (read "Alanon/ACOA Confusion" in this forum)

crap crap crap crap crap!
sigh

GingerM

There was a man I was once engaged to. He was not very nice. I count the two years of my life spent with him as simultaneously the best and worst thing that could have happened to me. Because it was so terribly horrible, I learned to set boundaries, I learned to value myself, I learned what "living in he**" truly meant, and I learned just exactly how strong I was.

Later on, a man threatened me - he told me he was going to make my life a "living he**" I laughed at him, not a mean laugh, but a laugh of true humor. After what I had been through with the other man, this man didn't have the brains to make my life anything more than mildly irritating. I told the second man that I had lived in he**, knew all the streets and how to get around just fine, and that if he wanted to try, he was welcome to it, but it wasn't likely to scare me at all, I was WAY too familiar with it to be scared by it (which, obviously, was so very much not the response he hoped for).

What I hope for you is that some day, some number of years down the road, you will be able to look back at this and see how strong you are capable of being, how well you can take care of yourself, and how much you are capable of being. Life in he** is no fun and it's not for wimps. But there is a way out, and I"m sure you will find it. And some number of years down the road, when your life is on an even keel again, and you are stable and happy, you will look back on this period of your life as being the best and worst thing that ever could have happened to you. Worst because you are in a horrid situation, best because you will prove to yourself how strong, capable, and resilient you really are.

I know it's overpowering now, but try, if you can, to look at what you have already accomplished and what direction you are leading yourself in. You're doing great, you really are.

TheGirlInside

Here's a few bright spots:

You put up a boundary and STUCK with it. That's great!

You stopped in to post with us at SR. That's Voon-der-bar!

Life can be such a B**** sometimes. What screwed me up was when bad s*** happened in my life, hearing someone suggest, "It's okay...it's all a part of God's plan."

Well, over time, that really god me pretty torqued off at God and "His Plan." I started thinking my HP's got a pretty sick, cruel sense of humor. I just began to think the other day that bad crap in our life isn't always HP's plan. Sometimes, it is just the addiction/the enemy trying to force us away from HP and The Plan. It helped me. to realize that.

I totally get what Ginger says. I often imagine what it would be like if someone tried to mug or rape me in the street...I would laugh and say, "You're kidding, right? You think you can do anything to me that hasn't already been done? Gimme a break. You have no power over me."

22Tango

And as if things couldn't get any worse....

My car got repossessed this morning. I was moving out of the HellHouse in a hurry - had most of my work clothes, pajamas, my bookbag, journal, etc. inside.

I don't know how much more of this I can stand. My sister in law once told me "God has to break you down before He can build you back up again" and am trying to look at what is happening to me lately in that way. None of this is anyone's fault but my own. He is breaking through my denial, justifications and character defects to get me humble and make me understand Step 1, 2 and 3. There is a country song out by Tim McGraw right now that says:

...I'm wondering what I'll do
Since I ain't got nothing
I got nothing to lose
I don't have to worry about things that I don't have
Cause if I ain't got nothing
I got nothing to hold me back

I'm trying to keep that attitude in mind.



So I had to take a LOA from work (no car, need to move), have to get my stuff from the psychohouse somehow (no car, may have to have police on hand in case roomie acts out). Will have to transfer daughter out of current elementary school near the end of the year 'cause it is too far to commute from where I will have to live now. It just seems like the crap never ends and I am having a hard time holding onto anything positive. I am so sad and broken down and just want to cry and cry and cry. But I have to hold it together cause my kids are depending on me, and the FutureMe is depending on me too. The FutureMe needs me to get on track so She can be born. But like I said, I am just in despair today.

I would really appreciate any feedback here. I know I am not a regular poster ( I was under my other name but my posts were being monitored elsewhere so I had to change my Username). Please - anything you got here would be very welcome.

Thanks.

Mlynn

22Tango I PM'd you

Fluttering

Sometimes we must walk thru the storm to see how strong we really are

God gives us problems so that we will need him.
But remember too, he gave us all free choice. There are many out there that abuse that gift. It has nothing to do with you personally

Have you tried contacting others in your group for support. Have you contacted Salvatin army or other churches for helpand assistance? There are many organizations out there that will help you--you gotta reach out and i know that is a hard one without a car, without a phone , etc, i too have been homeless--but God does provide and does meet our needs if we turn to hijm .

Keep us posted and stay connected.

dollydo

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, just takes awhile to walk through it and see the light.

cmc

Hi Tango,
You are not alone and there are so many here who care for you and your family. I'm hoping and praying that things will settle down and you will find a good place to move to soon. Hang in there and please keep posting.

cece1960

((((Tango)))
Hang in there.
I don't why our HP's decide to pile on more than we think we can handle at times.
But I know that we tend to come out the other side in one piece
I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers
And wishing you brighter days ahead
((((hugs)))
Cece

CarolD

Aww...Mega Hugs 2Tango

Prayers coming your way for peace

22Tango

An update:

Got a LOA from work due to living situation - they just said "no problem, call us if you need anything at all". So I don't have to worry about getting fired for not showing up. A small blessing.

Called police department about my stuff - said to stop by there before going over to get my stuff on Monday and they would go with me to assure me that nothing would happen and to assure my roomie that her house would be treated with respect.

Have a couple of leads on cheap cars - left lots of messages. Hoping things work out. At least I have $900 in the bank so not destitute. Just really need a turnaround in circumstances.

Please pray for me if you can. I need all the help I can get. I talked with a woman from the church where my kids take Rainbows classes and she really helped me to feel a little bit better. And she prayed with me on the phone at the end - that made me feel so good, to know that I have people on my side.

Thanks for everything.

22Tango

DesertEyes

You're in my prayers Tango, today and every day. Things will work out for you, just hang in there thru this hardship. I've had my own troubles and made it thru just fine. You have your employment on your side, and that's a huge help. You're not alone in this.

Mike

Wascally Wabbit

Make a plan and a list of things you are going to do to make the current and future situation better.
Get your own place where you can have peace and where your children can have peace and not be afraid.
I hope it works out for you.

Fluttering

You have an awful lot of women holing you up in prayer. I am sure it is a whle lot more than you know.

The power of women bonded together in prayer---Whew !!! Can you imagijne that power!!! We are oing to be raising the roof as the angels sing out our petitions.

Thanks for keeping us posted. Be sure to let us know if you find a car and a place to live. Many of the stiudios are reasonable--wouldl be enough to get you in a safe pklace and hopefully allow you to save up some money fo something else

22Tango

...rented a truck, got the police, and got 99% of my stuff. So almost done.

She got in the police officer's face several times, wailing about how awful I was and all the rotten things I supposedly did. He pretty much told her to cool it and just let me get my stuff in peace.

Next struggle: getting my $500 security deposit back. But for today, I may be stressed out but at least I am almost finished with this crisis. Thanks to you guys here on SR - I don't know if I could get through the day without your wisdom, strength and kind words.

Love
22Tango

Fluttering

Tango...I do not know you..I sure love you a great deal.

You have helped me...more than you know.

THANK YOU

Fluttering

To one and All
What you just saw and participated in was the program in action.
The problem was identified and shared..
Tango shared it --wrote about it--prayed about it and we supported , encouraged and offered our prayers---and persoanlly I benefited from this.
Since Tango shared the first time on the 6th...I crashed through a horrific bottom...I got to the other side still smarting, still hurting, still trying to catch my breath...and I ame back inhere tody and I feel healing...and peace.

This progrm really does work...any doubts...talk to me

GingerM

Tango, how're you doing now that it's over with? Or at least the police/getting stuff out part is over with?

Been thinking about you (and am REALLY glad you took a police officer with you!!). Hang in there - I promise you'll come through this and be okay.

Sometimes when things got/get really hairy for me, I say the following to myself (stolen from a movie somewhere): "Inhale. Exhale. Keep doing that and the rest will take care of itself."

Sometimes you just have to remind yourself that as long as you're still breathing, you'll make it through. Nothing can stop you from success or change except death. As long as you don't go there, you always have options and possibilities.

Inhale. Exhale. The rest will take care of itself.

big huge hugs! I'm sure you're needing them.

Fluttering

"Inhale. Exhale. The rest will take care of itself."

I know this works..Done it...done it .anddone it.....suggested others do ..saw it worked for them...

Thank you Ginger...I know it works and yet I still need to be reminded...

Thank you