hopeforever

so all thtime im the one that have to tell the family that husband is back to rehab,, or stuff like this..
it make me feel ashamed,, insecure and confused.
i haveto tell them,, becouse i have no choice they keep calling me and and worrying . i dont unswer ,, then i have to call and explain ...
grrrrrr/ ilove the family alot itsjust me and my insecurites,,...
and the thing is also my husband doesnt like when i talk to family about it,,.
but i feel like stupid when everyone knows whats going on and i have to say everything isok. .and than the adivces come and sometimes i dont feel to hear all the kind words,, from family becouse it really makes me feel worse.
i feel gulity i tell them whats on becouse its like im like a whiner.
maybe its me and my stupid head,, but a i come from a culture you have to show everything is ok ,, and not tell stuuf about stuff like this,, becouse everyone will talk toomcuh.
ok i think lol i talked too much here lol
but i know i tell this things to the right people becouse everyone here know what life like .. ok thank you

newblue82

You can never talk too much, Hope! I can totally sympathize with you. My exAGF used to get so pissed with me when her mother would tell her that I had told her of her drug use, but my exAGF's mother used to call me 2 & 3 times a day asking questions about her daughter. It used to drive me nuts and I'd lie and say everything was fine (though her daughter had been missing for 2 days). I used to tell her mom that because though I knew she had my best interests at heart she would put me down (calling me a fool, naive, gullible, stupid, etc.) for staying with her daughter.

As for my family, well I just kept them in the dark. They knew my exAGF had a past with drugs but I kept them under the impression that she was still in recovery and hadn't relapsed. Of course, all that came crashing down when I had to tell my parents she hadn't returned with their van in four days! Anyway, evverything you're feeling is natural. And no, your not a whiner for telling them because sometimes you just need to talk. And hell he's your husband, they're your in-laws they have a right to know. You have a right to tell them.

Thank God for this site!

Sunflower

I used to have to fake it and say--everythings ok...even when I had a cast on my arm..Now I do not--haven;t for over a year--I tell the neighbors-all the family etc..I have found it is better to have everything out in the open-YES MY SON IS AN ALCOHOLIC---I have found most of my friends family and neighbors are very compassionate--they all share about the A in their familes or life--haven't met anyone yet who hasn't had one in their family....If someone has a problem with it-too bad--I don't really need them around then,,,,

teke

i agree with the others. you are not at fault here and you have nothing to be ashamed of, like frizzy said, a lot of families have at least one addict in their life. nothing that your ah does is a reflection of you. i used to hide my rah's addiction too and it only made me feel worse.

you can't worry about what others say, just try not to take what they say too personal. as far as your ah goes, i'm not supprized that he gets angry that you talk to others when they ask, my rah used to do the same thing.
in my opinion, for you to continue to protect him by pretending everything is ok, is hurting you more and you have to do what mays you feel better. maybe he'll be so ashamed that he'll try even harder to stay clean.

i don't think that you talk too much either. remember what it was like when you felt like you didn't have any body to talk to who understood what you were going through and how you feel now that you do. i think this is how we can finally get better ourselves so talk and post as much as you want to. we are here for you as long as you need us to be. i'm still praying for you and your family, i'll throw in a special prayer for your husband.

hopeforever

thanks everyone.. you made me really feel better,... from my side alomsot no one knows,, my paretns dont know just few people,, from hubby side , i guess lots know.. well its ok,, i guess i have to stop being so insecure,,,.. thank you all

hope213

there is no reason for you to feel guilty.you did not CAUSE it ,you can not CONTROL it,& you can not CURE it. do not let anyone make u feel guilty, u are not responsibe. hugs,hope