Boricua1

[My original post is here: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tting-ct.html]

Ugh... I am so full of different emotions. As I type I am crying, I am just so frsutrated, sad, scared, I don't know... I'm waiting to hear if the rehab place will take my mom... and if so, how much her deductible is. I'm just not convinced that I rehab will work for her. I'm scarred because I think my step-dad will leave her because she'll potentally be gone for 28 days. I'm scared that she will lose her job of 18 years (she took a weeks vacation this week, so she's covered till Monday...)

I'm just scared that going through this she will get hooked on something else.

My mind tells me that if she doesn't go into a rehab she will definitely get hooked on something other than morphine pills since she doesn't have access to them anymore (my mom used to do cocaine back in the day). But at least if she does go to a rehab there's a chance right?

Why am I so torn? It's not as if it's my decision, it's hers, but she can barely make a decision right now...

And I suspect she may have taken something last night (other than trazedone pill I gave her to try to help her sleep).

I'm sorry to babble on..

teke

sorry that you are going through this, you sound so caring. seems like you've done all you know how to do, but unfortunately there is nothing more you can do, the rest is up to your mom. there is always hope. maybe its time for you to turn all of this over to your hp, and began doing things that will help you to feel better. its hard to watch someone you love go through all of this.

i pray that she don't have to lose the job or her husband, but its likely that she will eventually if she don't decide to do what she needs to do to help herself. sometimes we have to stand back and allow them to suffer the consequences of their own actions, before they realize that they really need help. try to focus more on you and allow your mom to do the same. there are alanon and naranon meetings that you can go to that are good for family members, hope maybe you can find some in your area.

Boricua1

Thank you for your kinds words... I appreciate it..
What is HP?

teke

hp= higher power (i choose to call him god)

Boricua1

I thought that might be what it meant Thanks for clairifying for a second I thought it might be codeword for something else. lol

teke

there are a lot of others, you are catching on.LOL

don't think i met you yet, my husband and i both are recovering crack addicts, been dealing with all of this for a lot of yrs. glad to met you. i just want to welcome you.

mywifeisatpeace

she can always take a leave of absence from her job. and If your father leaves her because she is trying to get better then he has a problem. I hope all works out for you and your family. Your mom knows better than anyone else what is right if she wants to be a good mom and wife. your father may be mad at first for whatever reason. but if he loves her he will support her in getting help.

Boricua1

Thank you for your thoughts mywife... which before I go further, I am sorry for your loss.

She can apply for FMLA so that she can at least still have some sort of income coming in... I am just afraind that if her job finds out she is taking leave because of her addiction problem they will fire her. Thankfully last year when she took leave, I convinced her family doctor to put on the forms she needed leave because she was grieving (which she was), but she was going through withdrawal at the same time.

I don't know how they could not put that info in there this time around...

cece1960

This is correct...these are not your decisions.
I see so much of what I did for my AS in your post.
Taking charge of meds, hoping for rehab, doubting rehab, praying that his GF would not dump him (I would even cover for him out of fear), hoping his boss wouldn't suspect

Then, a while after coming here I realized that I had gotten to the point of taking over for him...completely. He could go right on using.

Rehabs are not silver bullets, but they often do work. Its always worth it to try options that may lead to recovery. With my son it wasn't instantanious, but he did listen and learn, and eventually chose to no longer use.

And that was all his doing.

Stick around and walk with us a bit, read around. You'd be amazed at what we "can't" do

(((hugs)))
Cece

greeteachday

I'm glad you have found your way here....welcome! There are wonderful people here who know the pain you are experiencing.


It's great that you realize that these are not your concerns to own; they are your mom's. Knowing it and being able to live it are too different things of course, but coming to that understanding is a very big step for you. I also tried to do everything I could for my daughter to "help" her until coming here and going to Naranon meetings helped me to understand that I wasn't helping and could be hurting. I needed to get out of the way and let her find her own recovery. I also learned through trial and error that worry and projecting into the future did nothing but make me sicker. It's so difficult not to, but with trust in a higher power, it helped me to let go of what I was powerless to control.

I hope you will stick around for you...it really helps. Hugs and prayers.

liesagain

I am sorry that you are going thru this...........its so difficult to face things we cannot change and the overwhelming need most of us have to fix things or worry about things for the ones we love compounds the stress for us ( it does for me)
the thing to remember is this..........you didnt cause it you can't control it (theres another C in this list but I can't think of it now )
Just try to take care of yourself...........and know that its up to her, and no matter what struggles she faces........if shes ready for help and shes ready to change her life she will...........and the job the spouse and anything else will work themselves out in time.....................
Keep coming here, keep reading and posting...........it helps to know your not alone and it helps to be able to voice/type our fears and concerns.............then its easier to let them go.........

(((((((hugs)))))))))) and prayers for you and your mom

rahsue

you can't cure it (the other c)
you have every right to be worried, but breathe!, she needs to make her decision, as for her job, lots of jobs will actually offer time off (I guess it would be calld a leave of absence) for rehab.
most important for her is recovery, most important for you is you.

funkzter

((Boricua1))

Just wanted to send you my support & best wishes for your mum to find her own way out of the mess she created. She can make it if she really wants it, though it's a long hard path. Rehab does help, but after rehab she also needs to have a plan to help her go through the rough days..
Anyway, her health should be her priority -before even work- and i pray she'll do the right thing.
as for you, take care of yourself.

xoxo
Carine

hopeforever

i m jus dning you some courage and good vibes your way. i hope she will be better soon. and prayers to you

blackbird

take a deep breath and center yourself for a moment, then realize you are doing alot for her and you need to take care of you especially during this time, even when you feel like you have used all your energy up, because this is alot of work and very emotionally draining, don't lose sight of the fact that you can'not do it all for her and she may or may not make it this time, I really hope she doesn't lose her job, that would be a shame. I will pray for her and you too. peace-blackbird

patchoulli

I am so sorry that you are going thru this. I know you love your mom, but unfortunately she is going to do what she is going to do, no matter WHAT YOU DO... I found with my daughter that unfortunately she had to lose her home, her job, her license and almost her life before she sought help. Her life is very different that what I envisioned, but I need to remember that it is HER LIFE.