Notoshure

Last night when my husband got home after me making my first post, he kept asking what was wrong. Of course all I could say is nothing ,I felt so guilty, I almost feel like I cheated on him or something any else ever felt this?

mistt

I recently felt the same way with my H. I did not tell him I was going to meetings again because I did not want him to say "I told you so." I asked at a meeting if this was wrong. Someone told me I already had the answer within myself and my gut instinct knew if it was right or wrong. I knew I had to tell him knowing that in my addiction there had been enough lies and deception. I think this goes both ways no matter if you are the addict or significant other. I told him and he was upset I had kept this from him. He said I really have not changed that much, that is was repeating addictive thinking. He is right. I believe if had just told the truth in the first place I would have also felt better. I am working on honesty in my life today and the truth is part of that. Just keep doing the next right thing and there is no reason to ever feel guilty.

denny57

Bull! Who is he to take your inventory and tell you you haven't changed.

Ooooooh, that makes me mad :-)

Cynay

I agree keeping secret is just going to come back and bit ya in the bum....

But Denny is right too, we can not be expected to change our thought process overnight. You asked, thought about it and did the next right thing. Would the old you have done that?

chero

Notoshure, I'm feeling the same way. Do I tell him I've found this great site that is helping me or do I hide it from him? Will he be upset or not care and is it worth finding out? I'm on the computer more and more so I think he is curious about that. But, oh well. I don't know the answer, either...just happen to be in the same situation. To tell or not to tell?

prodigal

I just don't have my log-in name and password saved. I type them in each time I log on. As far as not telling him - phooey!!!! What's he gonna do, pull out a gun and blow me away? I was completely upfront with my AH from the get-go about this board. If he didn't like it, tough.

For some reason, I have one who doesn't appear to pry or even care much what I do or who I do it with. Indifference kinda stinks, but it DOES have its advantages. In fact, AH has met someone I know personally from this board.

I am not a woman who takes well to being bossed around, although I've been known to back down and fold on some mighty important issues. However, this board is MINE and I'll be darned if anyone will control where or what I post on the Internet. After all, AH would be a bit of a hypocrit to criticize my posting here, seeing that I found huge file folders on his computer full of teeny-bopper hardcore porn, or as he calls it "nothing more than eye candy."

cuttlefish

Prodigal, I like how you emphasized mine...hahaha, gave me a mental thought of someone hugging this board and not giving it up.

Nottosure, maybe you felt sorta guilty because you think you're being secretive. Being secretive is up to you, and so is the decision to let him know.

I feel like you in a way, because I'm here talking about all this stuff I feel I should be talking with abf about. BUT, I then remember that talking with him never got anywhere, and on my own I am HERE getting myself straight without involving him. I feel I can be open and honest here, something I can't do with him yet without a fight.

So I feel this site is MINE, and I'm not gonna tell abf. If he asked, I would, otherwise, nope!

HolyQow

You have to be here for YOU first. Then you will see that it doesn't matter whether he knows or not......you have to be here to help yourself, not be here to "fix" him. Some days I almost hope AH finds this place, but that would be another "trying to fix him" moment. He is in charge of helping himself. I am in charge of helping me. That means coming here, talking about what's bugging me, and seeing how others deal.

JMO

mallowcup

I think the most important thing is to go and to be able to go. My ex would have stopped me. He would have thrown every monkey wrench in my going. Some people won't let you be honest. He would have mentally beat me down from going. Honesty? I sqay when youare ready to be honest, the conversation will be one he will regret. The conversation regarding honesty would go much further than my attending a meeting.
Honesty can lead to danger as they feel they are losing control.
If a child were hiding from a mean person, we wouldn't coax them to reveal their sanctuary. Keep yourself safe.

Notoshure

awesome You Guys are giving me a lot of good advice I think for now I'll just keep reading and not say anything to him. I not real computer savvy is there some way that I can delete the history on this thing in case he should check ?

mallowcup

I wouldn't worry about it. You have a screen name and your story could be any of ours. Change your personal info.