aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

By the Grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent had a
drink of alcohol since 8-11-90.

For that and you I am truely grateful.


The question is....Is sex always, seldom
or hardly ever on ur mind?

Sure sex was important back then esp.
when i was drinking. Drinking allowed me
to "capture" whom ever i wanted at the
time and it worked.

Sober now 16 yrs....I would have to agree
that I have matured a bit since then....

Unlike when i was younger and ready to
chomp at the bit....ive mellowed out alot.

Today...sex is fine, but doesnt consume
ever ounce of my being, my mind, my soul.

Is there anyone out there that feels the same?

That sex isnt the most important thing in
ur life today....necessary but not top priority?

Thanks for letting me share.

Golfman

It's been a long time since sex consumed my life. I was always on the prowl to find someone who "understood" me. In other words, someone who was as drunk as I was so we could "satisfy" each other.

As I've aged, I found other things to occupy my mind. Like shooting a great round of golf. Lately I've even said "give me a good round of golf and I'll take that over sex any day." Sometimes though, I'm lying when I say that. I do miss the passionate sex of the past. Now, sometimes I think, "let's just get this over with so we can both get back to doing what we really want to do. I know that's sad, but in too many cases it's true.

That's along way around saying that for me, on the importance scale, sex is probably a 6, 10 being on my mind all the time and 1 being never on my mind. Hey what can I say, I'm a man and still have that instinct. I just wish my wife felt the same way.

Wow, it's amazing how honest I can be when I don't have to look someone in the eye.

Still have the desire,
Ed

Missymae737

Hello Sharon,

Interesting topic.

Altough I am not fond of being alone, for the time being it is necessary for me. I am still trying to heal the wounds of a lost love who is in a world of addiction, and deceit.

I think it is important that I am alone for a time. Being newly sober, I don't feel that I would enjoy certain things, still in love with someone else certainly would not be fair to a another person or myself.

BUT, I am human and when I can heal from a past tortured relationship, and become stronger in recovery, oh yes, a healthy relationship is waiting.

Tazman53

HMMMMmmmmmmmmm Well when I was drinking sex came a very close second to drinking, with me sex was to drinking as a cigarette is to coffee.

I was a real dog for many years while I was drinking, I had a natural nack for knowing exactly what to say and what not to say, I always let the lady lead in the conversation. I told more lies to get what I wanted and hurt a lot of ladies over the years. It caused a lot of pain for my first wife also. Now I wish I remembered names to where I could if possible without causing further harm say I am sorry.

At this point in time in my sobriety sex is more in my head then a physical need, I no longer have the NEED for it like I did when I was drinking, I still love it, but it is not one of the driving forces in my life like it used to be.

Astro

I won't say it's not on my mind, but being in love and making love are the words and actions I choose to act upon. I guess that's maturity in sobriety. 'Bout time I grew up, huh?;-)

Smyle

I never enjoyed sex until I met my husband...I was in active addiction then but I did not have to be high or drunk to want it or have sex with him.

9 months clean and 10 yrs later he still drives me crazy...with 2 little ones ..we don't get to make love as often as we like...but we certainly find the time...

I am just grateful that he stuck by me and still loves me...all the more reason to be crazy about him.....

~B

UncleEarl

Being fairly new to sobriety (46 days), my take on my sex drive may be somewhat limited. I suspect I still have a lot of evolving ahead.

I can say, however, that I have spent more than a few minutes pondering some of my partners over the last several years. I can also unequivically say of some, "What the f*!# was I thinking?!?"

I often sought other lonely drunks and, drinking being the isolator that it is, the terms 'drunk' and 'lonely' are natural bedfellows (pun intended).

At this point, I would say that my sex drive has not so much abated as it has become refocused. I have more than enough notches under my belt (again, pun intended...sorry! *smirk*) and wouldn't even consider sleeping with a drunk woman. In fact, I get no joy whatsoever being in the company of drunks now.

I'm certainly not ready to trade my sex life for a round of golf but I have also significantly raised the bar with respect to either future dalliances or serious relationships.

Earl

Tazman53

You know I have to confess that it is ironic this thread popped up today, I had a dream last night like I have not had since I got sober. I was kind of surprised because my drive has been really down, so maybe that part of me is reawakening in a healthier manner.

ayla zaire

i'm with beezy......my hubby is hot, and he still thinks i'm sexy, after 8 yrs, 2 kids, and 50 lbs......we have a healthy sex life......
yea for me...


of course, it doesn't hurt that i look like this.....

Missminime

Im so glad someone made a thread like this.
As i wrote in my "i got some issues" thread. Im have problems with insomnia, alcohol and sex.. (and some more, bah i suck big time i know) But alcohol and sex is very much connected to each other. Ive been sober 58 days. And i havnt had sex in 58 days..

I cant say that sex is always on my mind but i do.. i guess you can say that i do get a bit slutty when i drink. Followed/invited too many guys home. I think i used sex to feel loved or atleast like someone liked me. Sex is connected to love right? And i think i have the need of feeling loved. But I havnt had sex sober for.. maybe 5 years and i can count the times ive had sex sober on one hand so i realized that something was wrong.

Where are the feelings? Shouldnt people have feelings for each other when they have sex? Nah im quitting it all, smoking/drinking/sex at the same time until ive sorted myself out. Ill learn to love myself before anything else.

UncleEarl

Thank you for not sharing the contents of your dream, Taz! Honesty is a great thing, but graphic honesty....perhaps elsewhere

Earl

ayla zaire

miss.....i was the same way when i was your age......then i had my son......with a man i barely knew.....i have not seen him in over 10 yrs.....i don't even remember what he looks like.......but my son was a blessing.....and when i got pregnant, i quit drinking and smoking pot, and i took time for me....to figure myself out.....

when i met mike, my husband, i still had issues......i slept with him the day we met......i didn't do that often anymore, but i still didn't have much self respect......i got lucky, though, because he is a good man.......

i think of all the stupid situations i put myself in, many of them were very dangerous.......unprotected, and with strange men......and sometimes women.....and i wonder why i didn't care about myself enough to stop......i recently had an uncle die of AIDS......it was awful......and it could have easily been me.....

i know i was looking for love and affection......for someone to care about ME......but sadly, you can't find that through sex......i eventually figured out that until i cared about myself, no one was going to care about me the way i needed them to......

i think your idea to give up all of your vices until you figure things out is great, you will not regret it........

hugs
ayla

Tazman53

Earl..... if I was still out there I would have shared it all and some how I doubt I would be welcome back!!! LOL

Missminnieme I am an old goat but I can tell you that there is a difference between sex and making love, and can honestly say that making love is a spiritual experience between 2 people and not a physical act, big difference. You are making a smart move right now getting your self straightened out on all planes of of your life.

ayla zaire

VERY well said, taz.......

Missymae737

For myself, I think that this is what it is all about.

Icandoit

I am 50 yrs old and still want sex, am I weird??? For some time now I have felt that I am either addicted or over sexed for sex. I have just married again and have just found out that my wife does not have the same desire as I do. I have thought about going to a doctor to get some meds to reduce the desire. Is that possible? I want a good healthy sexual relationship, but it is just not happening with me now. I WILL stay faithful no matter what. Any advice would help me greatly.

curlylocks

Miss... I think you are very smart to figure this out at your age. I wish I had...
when i was your age I put myself in some terrible and dangerous situations,waking up with a stranger beside me etc...
to me sex was a shot to boost my self esteem and often a method of power over the men in my life. I used sex in the same way I used alcohol and drugs and it left me feeling the same way alcohol and drugs did- empty and depressed.
now I am married to a wonderful man -have two kids and sex is beautiful - not empty. because i am not just filling a void-I can feel the love behind it.
It is no longer a quick fix, because I don't need to be fixed anymore.--
I wish I had figured this out at your age!
best wishes.

Missminime

Thank you so much, what you said is exaclty what i think ive been doing, and to find 'love' and not empty sex is what i am hoping for. I do not believe in anything called love at the moment, but im sure i will in time. I hope i do. Thank you again.




This is what im hoping for. Making love.. hopefully things will change and it will be more then just really drunken sex. I dont trust people, or have feelings for people but im trying to change it. Thank you for your words.



I think i love you already Ayla! You always answer so sweet and honest to peoples posts. Thank you for you reply aswell, im hoping for true love.. in time. i wont rush things. All i know is that drunken sex with strangers wont make me feel better. Pretty much the other way around really. Glad im not alone tho. I thought i was the only one and felt so stupid for using sex like i did. Been living in my bubble just thinking about me, how can i think im the only one :P silly me. Anyways, glad im not.

Im glad you all say ive done the right thing. Its a comfort and im convinced im doing the right thing. thank you all.

Golfman

Ican,

I'm 56, been married for almost 35 years, and still have a strong desire for sex. My wife and I have been on different planes regarding this suject for a long time. I can only speak to what I know. I've read that men's desires tend to continue a long time after women's desire start to subside. I don't know how old your wife is, but if she's close to your age, this could be the case. That being said, I was just having this same converstion with a friend of mine who's in her 60's. She said that she and her husband had experienced the same thing. They went to a marriage counselor to try to work it out. They came to an agreement that they were both comfortable with. I won't say what it was because I don't want to influence what you think is best for you and your wife. Each situation is different.

I admire your attitude of faithfulness. It's one that I didn't exhibit too often when I was drinking.

GlassPrisoner

When I was drinking, I was obsessed with sex. Raw, nasty, selfish sex. I'd think about on the way to work, at work, and everywhere else. I'd do anyone, anywhere.

Since then I've worked the steps, and I'm convinced that in my 7th step, God removed the obsession.

Don't get me wrong, I still love it (I think, it's been a while) and last I checked I'm still fully functional. It's just not on my mind 24x7 like it used to be.