Pilgrim

I have had a really really bad day. Couldn't sleep at all last night so I feel like a zombie. Finally got to sleep at about 6am.

Hang on - we are having an earthquake........

Typical.

Anyhow, the dog was sick last night and there is s--t all over the carpet throughout my entire house. I have spent the last 3 hours cleaning it - hands and knees stuff - but the carpet is ruined. $10,000. SO got up early and let me sleep but put the wrong stuff on it, left more of a mess than ever, then sodded off to work. Cleaning up his beer cans was the last straw!!!!!!!!!!!

Great.

Now I have to work for 8 hours. Haven't eaten. Feel like a heap of steaming failure. Told mate I would meet him at the pub. Feel like getting wasted like never before in my life.

Cancelled dinner with my Godmother so I could go to AA. Bugger that.

I failed. Feel like I want to die now.

Please help.

Pilgrim

Just been told I have a breakfast meeting tomorrow. Can't get out of it. Sigh. Can't get pissed and having one is NOT a good idea. Stuck!!!

chrisj728

Hey Dubs, you've just had a great big dollop of life hit you straight in the kisser!
And guess what !! Your still sober.Hold on to that as you go off to work reflect on where getting wasted took you to before,try and grab some food on your way in/somthing sweet always helps.If you dont drink today then your a winner !
Get to that meeting and vent the whole damn lot,it will help you.Then get back on here as soon as you can.
Were all rootin for ya ! Stick with the winners!
Take care.

chrisj728

dubs r u 24hrs in front of uk ?

Pilgrim

It's 12.24 pm

hope3

Hi dubs, don't do it girl.........you won't feel any better,

you'll feel worst.

If you can hang on through the night, you will

feel much stronger for it.....Just say no, no no....

Hugs dubs, ((((((((((((((hope3))))))))))))

TamTam

Go dubs, Go dubs......... you can do it!!! Life on life's terms does suck sometimes... but you'll be glad tomorrow that you didn't pick up today!!!
xoxo T

ayla zaire

dubs......go to a friends...go home.......go shopping....anything but going to the pub.....you don't have to go drink, you have a choice........make a choice while you are still sober and can make the choice.....go to that meeting....you can do this.........you should have seen me the first few days i was sober......one huge disaster after another.....but instead of dog doo, i had a wet diaper explode all over my living room, my daughter cleaned the toilet with my toothbrush and then put it back......and then my 4 yr old son, who never gets into anything, spray painted my kitchen with cooking spray......and i burned dinner.......but, thank god, i stayed sober.......you can do it........are you gonna let some poop get you down? not the dubs i know.....you're gonna make it..........

hugs
ayla

Pilgrim

I really thought when I wrote to you that I couldn't do this anymore.

I read your emails. It is so good to know you are there when things get tough.

My drinking buddies told me they missed me. They promised to support me. I went to the pub for lunch and I didn't drink. If I can get through that then I could probably allow myself to have some hope that I can do this.

They asked how long I was intending to stay sober. I told them just for today. They said "Well that's good cos otherwise you will be boring". I laughed. What can you say?

I had you with me. O and I had a lovely message from my Mum telling me I had all her support and that I must have been through a lot to make this decision. Your messages and hers got me through.

Thank you doesn't quite seem enough.

So I am still sober. Day 8. Will go to AA and then see if I can sleep tonight.

xx

hope3

You are a true inspirations dubs.............

((((((((((((((hope3))))))))))))))))

nogard

Its the 1st one .....

Pilgrim

? Do you mean the first drink?

Pilgrim

Got through day 8. Off to first AA meeting in 10 minutes. I am so tired that I feel like postponing but I am going to give it a try. Haven't told anyone except you guys. Asked SO to come with me but he is too busy. Going anyhow. Feeling kinda scared.

I'll let you know how I go.

Thanks again everyone for helping me through the hardest day so far.

snowboardchic

Thanks for posting Dubs! Your strength gives me hope that I will get through one more day!!!

Hugs,
SBC

teej

YAY dubs!!! Now thats better ....looking forward to hearing how you liked your first meeting..
you rock girl!!!!!

australia

"other wise you'll be boring" What a slap in the face....Sounds like they care more for what you bring that what you are.
Isnt that what we are all afraid of though? That we will be less without booze?
If you can keep it clean do. Because those people arent your true friends. Your true friends would never say that...they may have mixed feelings on you being sober but would never say that...
I hope you are ok. So sorry to hear you sounding so sad

stone

Hi dubs, having a hard time myself lately. Your friends are the 'boring' ones not you.

Pilgrim

Hi there everyone,

Need to talk to you guys again. Thanks for listening/reading. Sorry it will be long. Thinking again - watch out!! It's dangerous.

Oz - I have been doing sunglass type stuff all day. I have a memory of about 3 seconds. That story always makes me laugh when I think about it.

Thanks TJ. I hope I have helped but the reason I am here is pretty selfish. I need to vent these days.

So I went to AA. They were all a lot older than me and I could tell the chairperson didn't really think I belonged. I belonged. I knew what they were talking about. Afterwards was nice though. The only woman in the room came up to me and gave me her number so I wouldn't be alone. I will probably ring her. The days of not asking for help are well and truely over. I'm going to another meeting at lunchtime tomorrow.

I agree about the boring comment. She is not my friend at all. She's the one who slept with my SO when her sister (my friend) kicked her out and I told her she could stay at my house. I am not usually one to judge cos I am usually pretty sure I have done worse, but I think she is an alcoholic too and me stopping will probably go hard on her.

Her sister is a good friend tho. I confessed all to her this afternoon and I have her total support - she ordered a lemonade. When she left she shouted out after me to "stick with it". And I keep getting little texts from my Dad telling me to hang in there. I am overwhelmed by the kindness of people who truely care. I remember the first night I logged on here. I thought there was no one. I was wrong.

We find out who our true friends are don't we?

My partner is still drinking. I knew he wouldn't last long on only a couple of drinks a day. He went out and drank while I was at AA after refusing to come with me to my first meeting. So I told him not to come back here. It is so simple to do. If I think he is under the influence, he has to go. He tries to tell me it's in my head and that he is not drunk. Thing is, he gets nasty, grumpy, beligerent and argumentative quite quickly. After only 3. It's NOT in my head and I am not at fault. I need to tell myself this over and over.

So I am alone, tired, but very grateful to be sober, alive and I can't believe I got through today.

Sobriety has become the new focus of my life.

Well done me and well done you all. One more day under my belt. Phew. I hope I can do it again tomorrow.

Pilgrim

Hi Stone!!!!! Nice to hear from you again. I'm in bed watching house. Cosy as anything. Sorry to hear you are not doing so well. What's up Mate?

australia

YES!! I am so glad that you have a sister who cares...really cares. What a great peson she promises to be! Let's hope it proves to be real. Because I am sure, like me, you have your doubts and have been let down before(?)
It IS NOT in your head! If you believe it, if you feel it...it is real..and thats that.
If he cant be with you without your 'crutches' then he is only looking to you to make himself feel ok.
Remember... trust what you feel, go with that ...be strong...
DONT HURT YOURSELF!!!!