German69

I know this is getting old (you must think) but after trying to moderate for quite some time, I overdid it again (like so many times before)...So, I'm trying to abstain from the drink. I had actually planned on observing lent but started to drink heavily on Monday (as a last blast before lent). I have not observed lent, I was wasted on my husband's b-day and continued to drink beer throughout the day the entire week. I feel like such a terrible failure again. Today is day 1 and I feel horrible. Why don't I remember the way I feel today when I pick up a beer again. Why is it possible to moderate for some time and then go back to heavy drinking?

TamTam

Welcome back, German. Have you looked into a program for support in the past? I guess the question today is- what will you do differently this time?

*Why is it possible to moderate for some time and then go back to heavy drinking?*

Alcoholism is a progressive disease. It will not get better and go away on its own- it keeps getting worse. You CAN do it.

Best of luck- let us know how you are doing!

BrandiK

Welcome back Remember, one moment at a time. Don't worry about a period of time sober, just this minute is enough.

Missymae737

Hi,

I would get caught up in thinking a couple of drinks, and when I acomplished this, without drinking more, I fooled myself into thinking that I could be a social drinker. Yeah, RIGHT! Sooner or later, I went into my unmanageable drinking!

We are here for you, you CAN do this!

Golfman

Hello German69,

The answer to your "Why" questions is very simple. You're an alcoholic. These are the things that alcoholics do. These are not great mysteries to those of us who've been around for some time. We have "mental blank spots", kind of like blinders, that don't allowing us to see things on a very wide perspective. We only see what's in front of us. If we're not in recovery, anything in front of us will cause us to react. If you put a drink in front of us we will drink it. If the thought of a drink comes to mind, we'll get one. We know from past experience that if we're suffering pain, if we're scared, if we're lonely, if we're just about anything negative, we'll be able to find ease and comfort from that first drink. Then we continue to try to find that euphoric feeling of the first drink by having another, and another, and another. By the time we stop or pass out, we've gone way too far. Then we wake up feeling remorseful, have a hangover, regret what we did the night before. Then we hear those eight words that used to make my skin crawl, "Do you know what you did last night." Of course when my wife would ask me this, I'd lie and say "Sure I do." Then I would pray that she wouldn't ask me, "Okay, what did you do." Most of the time I was too afraid to answer because I couldn't remember.

If had had some amount of common sense, I could have ask myself this question, "Do you really want to continue doing what you're doing or would you rather find a way to get rid of all that fear, self-loathing, anxiety, despair, lonliness, etc?" Of course for someone "normal", the answer would be quite simple. I'd rather feel happy, content, peaceful, and serene. But for us, we're always chasing that elusive feeling that we only get when we're drinking.

The program of AA has provided the ease and comfort for me that I used to get from a bottle of Jack Daniels. If it didn't, I'd still be drinking. But I must work to get that feeling, I must work the steps of AA, I must develope a relationship with a power greater than me that can solve my problems.

I only know that I was tired, no, exhausted. I had nothing kind left to give my wife and kids. I was empty and lost on the inside. I was scared and confused. I'm happy to say that because I came into AA, followed directions, and began helping other people, I haven't found it necessary to take a drink since June 8, 1986. Won't you come join me and others like me? We have our hands out waiting to help you. The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking.

German, you don't ever have to pick up another drink again. You don't ever have to apologize for your drunkin behavior again, you don't ever have to wake up and wonder what happened last night again. Take that leap of faith and join us.

We'll wait for you with love,
Ed

Don't be this

Be this

CarolD

Good to see you here again!

You too can recover...
keep trying to quit.

Blessings to you and your family

TryingisDying

Welcome Back! One Day at a Time!

Pilgrim

What great posts. German 69. You are on the newbie site. We are all in the same struggle. I am day 6. When I think I might drink I think of everyone here. It helps to know you are not alone. We are all here with you going through the same thing. We understand when no one else does.

If you have decided to stop, nothing can make you drink except you.

This disease lies and it's really clever. It will convince you that one or two is ok. Next time, it will convince you three or four is ok. Next time.....we can stop whenever we want right? Wrong.

Welcome back from this newbie and good luck with today.

mikel60

Alright, so you missed Lent. Try not drinking through spring training. The Orioles have a decent team this year.
Seriously, try not to beat yourself up too much. You can do this. You drank, as Golfman said, because you are an alcoholic. That's a good readson to stay sober too. Hang in there, and we're all pulling for you. Welcome back.
Mike in Boston

Anna

Hi and Welcome back,

Acknowledging that you are an alcoholic is a step towards recovery. Alcoholics cannot moderate their drinking. I hope you can join us on this journey.