Made it through day 4 but OMG!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Made it through day 4 but OMG!
Hi all,
Don't read this thread if you want a happy bouncy one. I am down in the dumps.
Is there anyone out there tonight?
I made it through my Friday and I am sober but I need some support tonight please.
I still can't stand the loneliness of this. My man left me today. He won't answer my calls. He wants to keep drinking. He says he can't stop and I can't stand being around him when he is drinking. He said he wouldn't drink tonight and he promised he would keep me company cos I am so in need of it. Then I went out for 15 minutes and he sneaked out to a bar. Why is it that a broken promise is so much worse at the moment?
I never asked him to stop but when I decided, it was pretty much the end of us. Just when I need company and support. I am finding it hard to find anyone who really cares about me and what is best for me. I feel like an orphan and the world has tuned its back on me. Not one single human that will stand by me and hold me and say they want the best for me and they understand how hard it is and how proud they are of me.
I am starting to think the price of not drinking is too high.
I am so tired and my skin is terrible and my hair looks like straw. Apparently my liver is getting rid of all the toxins and they are flowing through my body and making me look like hell. My eyes hurt and I can't seem to focus. My chest feels tight.
I am in bed. It seems the only safe place.
But I am sober. I am proud of that. Four days solid.
Don't read this thread if you want a happy bouncy one. I am down in the dumps.
Is there anyone out there tonight?
I made it through my Friday and I am sober but I need some support tonight please.
I still can't stand the loneliness of this. My man left me today. He won't answer my calls. He wants to keep drinking. He says he can't stop and I can't stand being around him when he is drinking. He said he wouldn't drink tonight and he promised he would keep me company cos I am so in need of it. Then I went out for 15 minutes and he sneaked out to a bar. Why is it that a broken promise is so much worse at the moment?
I never asked him to stop but when I decided, it was pretty much the end of us. Just when I need company and support. I am finding it hard to find anyone who really cares about me and what is best for me. I feel like an orphan and the world has tuned its back on me. Not one single human that will stand by me and hold me and say they want the best for me and they understand how hard it is and how proud they are of me.
I am starting to think the price of not drinking is too high.
I am so tired and my skin is terrible and my hair looks like straw. Apparently my liver is getting rid of all the toxins and they are flowing through my body and making me look like hell. My eyes hurt and I can't seem to focus. My chest feels tight.
I am in bed. It seems the only safe place.
But I am sober. I am proud of that. Four days solid.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
i am sorry that you are going through all of this.....and it couldn't be a worse possible time......
take care of yourself......
i'm sorry he can't or won't be there for you, but keep coming back here....and you will find friends and advice and help.....and you won't feel so alone......
take care of yourself......
i'm sorry he can't or won't be there for you, but keep coming back here....and you will find friends and advice and help.....and you won't feel so alone......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Thanks Ayla.
Isn't it ironic?
We broke up because I don't want to drink and now that we broke up the only thing I really want is a drink.
It's one or the other. I can't have both sobriety and the man I love.
I used to drink when we fought. I would drink and cry with my buddies. We fought often because we were always drinking.
I guess I am asking him to stop if he wants to stay with me. But at the same time, he is forcing me to drink to stay with him.
How can liquid have such an affect of people. It is only liquid!
Isn't it ironic?
We broke up because I don't want to drink and now that we broke up the only thing I really want is a drink.
It's one or the other. I can't have both sobriety and the man I love.
I used to drink when we fought. I would drink and cry with my buddies. We fought often because we were always drinking.
I guess I am asking him to stop if he wants to stay with me. But at the same time, he is forcing me to drink to stay with him.
How can liquid have such an affect of people. It is only liquid!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Mega Hugs And you have been thru the hardest physical part now. Good for you!
You will soon feel better and look and smell better too!
Of course you are upset with his cloddish behavior.
And scared and depressed
Look at this..
he wants you drinking..Why?
You say it makes you argue/fuss/cry.
If that is his love..
you will be happier without him.
Not all loves are forever or healthy.
Have a good cry and eat a little
You will feel better tomorrow.
You will soon feel better and look and smell better too!
Of course you are upset with his cloddish behavior.
And scared and depressed
Look at this..
he wants you drinking..Why?
You say it makes you argue/fuss/cry.
If that is his love..
you will be happier without him.
Not all loves are forever or healthy.
Have a good cry and eat a little
You will feel better tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 33
its hard but you have to say bye bye to some the things..i know with me
i said cya to all my friends that have sucked me into the party....i miss the fun./.....but thats all it is is fun...the real fun is now...
now thinking about the time...hugging that person and helping them to see
i so just want to start something big for people everywhere...its so important that everyone works together...all we as people need to do to start is be nice smile be happy and help one another no matter what it is....simple things to hard things....just work together on every proiject and smile and think of the sunshine and nice things...like flowers and dandilions...thats what i think but then i am crazy and nobody likes me cause i am just dumb =(...but hang in there get some of those sweat pants from the walmart or target some big socks and big white goose down blanket get some tea and or cofffeeee and put a movie on....bundle up like an eskimo...im telling you....its so cool to do that and just be happy....smile cause everything is ok....even the problems that we think are bad are so simple just think about the solution and there u will figure it out....i am here if anyone wants to talk...be well my friend
i said cya to all my friends that have sucked me into the party....i miss the fun./.....but thats all it is is fun...the real fun is now...
now thinking about the time...hugging that person and helping them to see
i so just want to start something big for people everywhere...its so important that everyone works together...all we as people need to do to start is be nice smile be happy and help one another no matter what it is....simple things to hard things....just work together on every proiject and smile and think of the sunshine and nice things...like flowers and dandilions...thats what i think but then i am crazy and nobody likes me cause i am just dumb =(...but hang in there get some of those sweat pants from the walmart or target some big socks and big white goose down blanket get some tea and or cofffeeee and put a movie on....bundle up like an eskimo...im telling you....its so cool to do that and just be happy....smile cause everything is ok....even the problems that we think are bad are so simple just think about the solution and there u will figure it out....i am here if anyone wants to talk...be well my friend
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Thanks Carol.
This is such a strange experience. Life has turned on its head.
When you realise you want to stop, there is really no going back is there? Even if we fall we still want to stop. Why does it become life and death so quickly? Shouldn't stopping be less dangerous than carrying on?
I have so many questions. Millions!
I guess he wants me drunk so he can keep drinking with less guilt. I need to stop thinking about him. It's like bashing my head against a brick wall and I need peace and quiet right now. And I need honesty. I crave it really badly and when my friends are in denial or lying to themselves, it sticks out like a sore thumb.
Is it best to start a new thread when you need support or is it best to go where everyone is? I see lots of us are on the mommies site but I want to talk to everyone - not just mommies.
This is such a strange experience. Life has turned on its head.
When you realise you want to stop, there is really no going back is there? Even if we fall we still want to stop. Why does it become life and death so quickly? Shouldn't stopping be less dangerous than carrying on?
I have so many questions. Millions!
I guess he wants me drunk so he can keep drinking with less guilt. I need to stop thinking about him. It's like bashing my head against a brick wall and I need peace and quiet right now. And I need honesty. I crave it really badly and when my friends are in denial or lying to themselves, it sticks out like a sore thumb.
Is it best to start a new thread when you need support or is it best to go where everyone is? I see lots of us are on the mommies site but I want to talk to everyone - not just mommies.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
There is no limit to where you post.
I usually do more in Alcoholism and AA
where I am a Forum Leader.
Sooo I invite you there too!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/alcoholism/
I usually do more in Alcoholism and AA
where I am a Forum Leader.
Sooo I invite you there too!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/alcoholism/
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Hi dubs
I realised the other day that in order to have any chance of future happiness I need to not drink.
Pretty obvious but when it sinks in properly rather than just being words it becomes something you can use to see you through the hard times.
My life situation is pretty crap too but it is not my life, my life is me and my attitudes, my thoughts and hopes, how I relate to people, how I feel about myself.
People can have a great life situation and still have a miserable time and vice-versa.
They say when you die your life flashes before your eyes, that's true, it's called living
There is someone out there for you who will be better for you I know it. You will get sober, start feeling good about yourself and the positive energy you will exude will attract someone with positive energy too.
In the meantime just work on being sober day by day, they tell me it gets easier as time goes by, I believe them!
I realised the other day that in order to have any chance of future happiness I need to not drink.
Pretty obvious but when it sinks in properly rather than just being words it becomes something you can use to see you through the hard times.
My life situation is pretty crap too but it is not my life, my life is me and my attitudes, my thoughts and hopes, how I relate to people, how I feel about myself.
People can have a great life situation and still have a miserable time and vice-versa.
They say when you die your life flashes before your eyes, that's true, it's called living
There is someone out there for you who will be better for you I know it. You will get sober, start feeling good about yourself and the positive energy you will exude will attract someone with positive energy too.
In the meantime just work on being sober day by day, they tell me it gets easier as time goes by, I believe them!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Hi Stone,
Thanks for the kind words.
I was just thinking about what you wrote. I think I might be ready to grieve for all that wasted time I spent drinking. I can't get it back. We only get one chance.
While I was drunk, I couldn't feel anything. I missed so much living. So many things I couldn't do - drive, go out, meet nice people, help people in need, spend time with my kids. The list is very long.
I am isolated from sober people because I was horrible to be around. I didn't enjoy my own company or like myself so why should they have? I just wanted visitors to leave so I could get drunk. Hated talking small talk with sober people. Hated having nice quiet family and friend dinners out at nice restaurants. It seemed so boring. I would rather be home drinking till I fell into bed, passed out. Sad huh?
I was always too busy to stop and listen and talk. While I was busy I was stressed and while I was stressed I had an excuse to pour a drink.
I thought I was different from them and I felt like an alien. I am different from them - I am an alcoholic.
I can't wait to catch up and do some of that "boring" stuff. I hope I will get through tomorrow. See you in the morning. Good night from the other side of the world.
xx to all.:sleeping:
Thanks for the kind words.
I was just thinking about what you wrote. I think I might be ready to grieve for all that wasted time I spent drinking. I can't get it back. We only get one chance.
While I was drunk, I couldn't feel anything. I missed so much living. So many things I couldn't do - drive, go out, meet nice people, help people in need, spend time with my kids. The list is very long.
I am isolated from sober people because I was horrible to be around. I didn't enjoy my own company or like myself so why should they have? I just wanted visitors to leave so I could get drunk. Hated talking small talk with sober people. Hated having nice quiet family and friend dinners out at nice restaurants. It seemed so boring. I would rather be home drinking till I fell into bed, passed out. Sad huh?
I was always too busy to stop and listen and talk. While I was busy I was stressed and while I was stressed I had an excuse to pour a drink.
I thought I was different from them and I felt like an alien. I am different from them - I am an alcoholic.
I can't wait to catch up and do some of that "boring" stuff. I hope I will get through tomorrow. See you in the morning. Good night from the other side of the world.
xx to all.:sleeping:
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
dubs hang in there, it does get better with every day. Trust me when I say that you are not alone.
My life revolved around alcohol, in the last few years of drinking I quit doing anything except working, drinking. & sleeping. Wow what a life!
I tried quitting or drinking like a normal person on my own for 10 years and the only thing I managed to do was be a miserable drunk. Once I saw death in my future if I did not stop drinking I knew I had to stop but how no idea how.
I put myself into detox and they told me if I wanted to stay sober to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor. Well long story short, I followed directions and thanks to AA I have been sober for 158 without a single relapse, I am happier then I have been in over thirty years, and the urge/need to drink has been lifted from me.
Carol has said it all in regards to your other half, trust me the new sober you will have no problem finding someone to care about you that is a good person.
My life revolved around alcohol, in the last few years of drinking I quit doing anything except working, drinking. & sleeping. Wow what a life!
I tried quitting or drinking like a normal person on my own for 10 years and the only thing I managed to do was be a miserable drunk. Once I saw death in my future if I did not stop drinking I knew I had to stop but how no idea how.
I put myself into detox and they told me if I wanted to stay sober to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor. Well long story short, I followed directions and thanks to AA I have been sober for 158 without a single relapse, I am happier then I have been in over thirty years, and the urge/need to drink has been lifted from me.
Carol has said it all in regards to your other half, trust me the new sober you will have no problem finding someone to care about you that is a good person.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
hiya dubs...
hang tight, and dont give up...
the man...ppfftt!!!... forget everything...
if you want to not drink ever again.. and yes, i mean never!!!...
work on yourself... rethink all your think'n...
take it of course one day at a time...
there is nothing that has, can, and will come up in your life that a drink, or a drug will make any better...
learn from your past... believe in your todays, and your tomorrows aint here yet... when they come... you can enjoy, deal, and cope with them as they come...
and to answer your question.. how can a liquid be so deady... ppfftt!... it has poisen in it... alk'yhol...
it aint the drink'n... its the think'n...
all good wishes dubs...
xxoo, rz
hang tight, and dont give up...
the man...ppfftt!!!... forget everything...
if you want to not drink ever again.. and yes, i mean never!!!...
work on yourself... rethink all your think'n...
take it of course one day at a time...
there is nothing that has, can, and will come up in your life that a drink, or a drug will make any better...
learn from your past... believe in your todays, and your tomorrows aint here yet... when they come... you can enjoy, deal, and cope with them as they come...
and to answer your question.. how can a liquid be so deady... ppfftt!... it has poisen in it... alk'yhol...
it aint the drink'n... its the think'n...
all good wishes dubs...
xxoo, rz
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 1,768
Hi dubs!!
Way to go on 4 days, thats fantastic. See, even with these problems with your man, you have managed to get through 4 days and I'm so proud of you!! Each day that goes by that you are sober, you will start thinking even more clearly.
Don't let the alcohol talk to you! you said "I am starting to think the price of not drinking is too high."......thats the alcohol talking to you!!!!
You know what I did? I wrote down all the negative things about drinking and I look at it sometimes, and think, "wow"....Hard to believe that I did this to myself for so long. Maybe try it? It may help you as well.
((((((((((dubs))))))))))
tj
Way to go on 4 days, thats fantastic. See, even with these problems with your man, you have managed to get through 4 days and I'm so proud of you!! Each day that goes by that you are sober, you will start thinking even more clearly.
Don't let the alcohol talk to you! you said "I am starting to think the price of not drinking is too high."......thats the alcohol talking to you!!!!
You know what I did? I wrote down all the negative things about drinking and I look at it sometimes, and think, "wow"....Hard to believe that I did this to myself for so long. Maybe try it? It may help you as well.
((((((((((dubs))))))))))
tj
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