lovecat

My hubby came home early & found me drinking ......... im so ashamed ... he dosent drink .... & it was only 15;00hrs .. i have tried to hide so much because im so embarrassed of my addiction .... My marriage is far from happy .... please someone advise me what do i do ..........

jules1973

Hi lovecat........I totally can relate to you and the only advice I can give is be honest with him...as honest as you can about how much trouble you are having. I don't know anything about you or your history but maybe you could ask him to take you to a meeting or he could go to an ALANON....I am not a big meeting pusher but I do know that my DH always feels better when I am going to a meeting....

Hivemind

Breath a sigh of relief that the sneaking and hiding is over, I doubt he didn't know anyway. Do not be ashamed, it is a problem many people have, now that you can admit it and face it, you can work to control it.

best

Wonderful replies.

Can't add anything without repeating what has been said other then...

Your not alone. There are many around that are willing to help or support you as you seek answers.

lovecat

Thanks guys .... its so scary .... its like im admiting im less of a wife woman mother .... than other women without this awful addiction..... so scared

Astro

Step 1 in AA is admitting that we're powerless over alcohol, that our lives have become unmanageable. Are you there yet? There's help available for both of you, but you have to reach out and take it.

Check out an AA meeting. None of us are "less than", we're all there for the same reason.

Tyrant

don't be ashamed...this is good maybe not so bad...why is it you are drinking? what is on your mind what are you trying to numb? lets talk about that....hang in there but don't worry...we are here for you.

hope3

Hi Lovecat, I was in a similar situation 3 months ago. i finally broke down and was completely honest with my S/O. I knew I needed to quit and I knew I needed help. At first the quitting was because I was afraid to loose her. However I also knew that until I understood what was going on to make me feel as though I couln't put down the bottle, it would only be temperary.

Then I found this site. I read and learned about alcoholism. How, I got the book "Under the Influence" I suggest you both read it, it is quite and eye opener and a wealth of information.

You see, alcohol affects alcoholics differently than non alcoholics, hence thats why alcoholism exsists, not because you are less of a person, or some kind of psychological misfit. Thats just a myth.

Please go to the alcholism forum on this site and read the exerpts from Under the Influence, I think it will help you to understand some of the feelings you are having right now......with love, (((((((hope3))))))))

gypsytears

Hi Lovecat . Be easy on yourself. You've just done something great by finding this forum and opening yourself up to getting help. Read the books hope3 suggested... I have. Very informative. And welcome!

Tazman53

Well lovecat looks like the cat is out of the bag, however as someone else already said, what you thought was a secret probably wasn't. I kept thinking I was fooling my wife when I was drinking, she knew but as long as I wasn't fall down drunk,I did not catch a lot of grief to me from her. Until they all had enough of my drinking.

I really do not know your story, but if you are an alcoholic then quitting drinking is not something that can be done alone for the majority of us. I know that I tried for 10 years to either quit or drink like a normal person and could not do it. I put myself into detox and then straight into AA to maintain my sobriety. I can tell you that in just over 5 months I am not only sober, but I am happier then I have been in over 30 years and the urge/need to drink has been lifted from me. I have AA to thank for all of that.

One of the greatest things to me with AA is knowing that you are not alone, you always have someone who knows exactly what you are going through 24X7, and they will talk with you, meet you for coffee, or if need be come by your house.

h4lov909

Just be honest as I posted in a sperate thread my husband wants to divorce me. the main reason is lying for 6 yrs right to his face like he could not count beers or see the bottle had gone down, noow the heartache is knowing i could have had his help and support now I have to do it bymyself and i don't think i can hes always been my everyhing. Just be HONEST

lovecat

Thanks for advice i guess you are right that he probably knew anyway, I need to find the courage to be totally honest with him .... are marriage is rocky as it is he left me last year for a woman he met on the internet stayed with her for 3 months then just walked back into my life kept lying to me that she was just a friend yeright.... & i believed him ( stupid) so here am i having an affair with the booze theres not much difference really between us

lovecat

Anyway today is day one .... my affair must end ......
Chris x

Rusty Zipper

lovey... the big whew!.... it out in the open... one less skeleton...

and your love affair...

it wasnt send'n ya any roses...

if any, four roses! 'hic-cup"

make day one, then move on to two...

try to find some recovery program... as many have tried to do it alone...

result... no too good...

good wishes lovey...

xxoo, rz

WantsOut

Lovecat, you need to hear the truth from the former spouse of an alcoholic.

We can only put up with so much. It's not about you as a human being. Often that's the horror for an alcoholic's spouse. We do love our spouse and everything human about them but the drinking makes life with them unlivable. You can give him lots of sex or be mother of the year or whatever, but if you don't work on your recovery and actually recover you will lose him eventually.

Again, your spouse is only human. If you really love him and want your marriage to work long term, recover now or you'll be crying later.

Love.