australia

Hi ! My name is Karla and I am a thirty four year old alcoholic. I knew I was an alcoholic all my adult life.I started drinking at thirteen. i can remember stealing my first beer. It was gross. but i knew it meant escape, I knew it meant that I was grown up. My father drank and I learned from him. At least alcohol never made me mean though, my father was mean.

When I was younger I was the life of the party...I knew where to go, what to do and how to do it and people liked me for that. I developed a name...a personality. I was always on the outer though...because I couldnt stand up for myself...and i wanted too much to be liked.

As time went on I became left behind..my friends developed lives...and I stayed where I was...
No one likes a lush.

I gave up drinking for three years. When I discovered i was preganant my life changed. I gave it all to my daughter. I breast fed till she was four. I was happy but everyone kept saying that I had to build a life outside of my child...so i started dating. I found a man who I thought loved me...I developed a social life...I began drinking again.

Three years later he left (he was a ******* but I didnt make it easy either)
I have drunk ever since.
I have so much regret that I cant face the world sober.
Every time I try I feel guilt for my actions...
so i drink...
I forget about the guilt then and forget that I have let my daughter down. I gave her good years to begin with but the last six years of her life has been spent living with a drunk.
How do i apologise for that?
How do I live with that?

I wold die for her..yet I drink...
What does that say about me?

I have other issues too... I cut, and I suffer from ED.

All of these things create guilt...

There is a short bio.

But am ok...

australia

and there we go

Tazman53

Karla I have learned through AA that the past is the past, it is not to be forgotten, but it is done, the past now for me is a tool I use to share with other alcoholics where I was at one time, I raised 4 kids as a drunk, I raised my last 2 until they were almost 14 as a drunk.

I drank for 40 years, I spent the last ten years trying to stop or drink like a normal person, needless to say I failed, I am an alcohlic and by myself I am powerless over alcohol.

I put myself into detox to get sober enough to figure out how to stay sober, in detox they told me that if I really wanted to stay sober that when I got out I needed to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor. I also learned in detox that I needed to follow directions, so when I got out of detox I did go to more then 90 meetings in 90 days and I got a sponsor and still go to AA meetings and still have a sponsor and more importantly I still follow directions.

My last drink was 158 days ago, right before I went into detox, by following directions, going to AA meetings, working and living the steps of AA, I am now happier then I have been in over 30 years, my children now respect and love me, as does my wife. My urge/need to drink has been lifted.

Karla, like in excess of a million people I found my solution to alcoholism in AA. Pick up a phone book and give them a call, not only will they tell you where meetings are, but if you need a ride or want to talk to a fellow lady alcoholic that is now sober and would be ecstatic to show you how they got and stay sober, that can be arranged also.

Golfman

Karla,

The only thing this says about you is that you need help and are asking for it. You are very brave to come here and share with us. You may have helped another alcoholic today without knowing it. Your cry for help will be answered by the folks here and at AA. You sound as though you believe you are powerless over alcohol. No one make a better beginning than that. Now's the time to get help. Your daughter is reason enough to begin a new way of life. The remorse you feel is natural. We all feel when we are able to see what we've done. However, your past is your past. It's done and over with. You need only consider today and what you can do to get on the road to recovery. Please feel free to join us on the road to happy destiny.

stone

By stopping as soon as you can. Instead of feeling bad about the past, you need to make a better future for you and your daughter by quitting asap.
I know that sounds a bit glib but it's true. The past is gone you can't change it but you can change the future day by day.
I know you feel bad Karla but you can change that. Have a hug and a joke! :-

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
"Where's the self-help section?"

She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

(sorry it's not particularly funny)

Rusty Zipper

karla... welcome... work and fix the todays... and the tomorrows can be way better...

happy to see your reaching out for help... its your first baby step to helping yourself ...

good wishes karla...

xxoo, rz

australia

thanks guys..
I have tried before though...
Realisation is not new to me...

Rusty Zipper

karla... before aint today dammit...

keep trying i says... lol

Missymae737

Hi Karla,

Forgive yourself, I know that is not easy BUT it is necessary for recovery. Guilt is a huge stumbling block for anyone that is addicted.

You are on the right path coming here, and as others have said you have helped others by coming here!

Wishing you well!