feeling sunshiney today
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: somewhere, some state
Posts: 48
feeling sunshiney today
I went to Family Day at A's rehab today, along with his parents. It's in an absolutely beautiful place...thats why I'm feeling sunshiney. The drive there was sooooo pretty....I was just singing in my car, windows down the whole way 
Perfect California weather.
Went to the ala-non, the family counseling group, the morning codependency lecture...learned a lot, and I got some good out of hearing how other families/friends were feeling.
A is doing great there, looking healthier and standing tall. I was impressed by the welcoming aspect of the whole place...I never once felt out of place, the staff there go out of their way to counsel and involve the families. It's like someone opened up communications lines for everyone there which got shut down long ago.
We decided to stay "together" for now, but giving each other space..we both do what we need to to move ahead.
So, as people have been saying alllll day today, 'one day at a time'. Only I can make my day crappy, so I just enjoyed the unexpected blessing of the beautiful weather, and the joy of singing in my car at full blast (good thing you guys can't hear me http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ies/dance1.gif
[well, thats _supposed_ to be a dancy smiley, but I guess you have to click on it...]
Perfect California weather.Went to the ala-non, the family counseling group, the morning codependency lecture...learned a lot, and I got some good out of hearing how other families/friends were feeling.
A is doing great there, looking healthier and standing tall. I was impressed by the welcoming aspect of the whole place...I never once felt out of place, the staff there go out of their way to counsel and involve the families. It's like someone opened up communications lines for everyone there which got shut down long ago.
We decided to stay "together" for now, but giving each other space..we both do what we need to to move ahead.
So, as people have been saying alllll day today, 'one day at a time'. Only I can make my day crappy, so I just enjoyed the unexpected blessing of the beautiful weather, and the joy of singing in my car at full blast (good thing you guys can't hear me http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ies/dance1.gif
[well, thats _supposed_ to be a dancy smiley, but I guess you have to click on it...]
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upper Kolobia
Posts: 153
Good to Hear You're Doing Well . . .
I'm still struggling with these smiley things, too . . .
Lessee here . . . Nope, I got an error message. Time was that would ruin my whole morning (I'm just up with a bit of insomnia that some warm milk will nuke nicely if I need it).
Anyway, let the journey begin . . . One "authority" I really like on the subject of recovery is Terry Gorski, who contributed mightily to "relapse prevention" models of treatment . . .
He proposed what he called a "mutual coexistence" pact where both parties agree on only one condition to the relationship (so long as sobriety is being maintained; a "wet" relapse voids all agreements), and that is to commit to remaining in it for a reasonable period, say one year . . .
Honest, that's about all most newly sober sorts can handle . . .
There's also an AA Grapevine article titled "How to Stay Married Though Sober" that's a classic . . . You might see if you can find a copy, or if you're still around in six months (and still together), leave me a note and I'll mail you a photo-copy (I keep an extra for people I sponsor, but I'll have to go look for it).
Congratulate yourself; you took some pretty heavy doses of reality from the folks here--and in the rehab, no doubt--and are hanging in so far. And regardless of whether the relationship works, I'm convinced you'll find what you learn here will be invaluable. Alcoholism is often a multi-generational pathological dysfunction, but we can at least mitigate the effects it has on our children.
And remember those slogans; the river ahead will still have plentry of rapids and whirlpools . . .
Lessee here . . . Nope, I got an error message. Time was that would ruin my whole morning (I'm just up with a bit of insomnia that some warm milk will nuke nicely if I need it).
Anyway, let the journey begin . . . One "authority" I really like on the subject of recovery is Terry Gorski, who contributed mightily to "relapse prevention" models of treatment . . .
He proposed what he called a "mutual coexistence" pact where both parties agree on only one condition to the relationship (so long as sobriety is being maintained; a "wet" relapse voids all agreements), and that is to commit to remaining in it for a reasonable period, say one year . . .
Honest, that's about all most newly sober sorts can handle . . .
There's also an AA Grapevine article titled "How to Stay Married Though Sober" that's a classic . . . You might see if you can find a copy, or if you're still around in six months (and still together), leave me a note and I'll mail you a photo-copy (I keep an extra for people I sponsor, but I'll have to go look for it).
Congratulate yourself; you took some pretty heavy doses of reality from the folks here--and in the rehab, no doubt--and are hanging in so far. And regardless of whether the relationship works, I'm convinced you'll find what you learn here will be invaluable. Alcoholism is often a multi-generational pathological dysfunction, but we can at least mitigate the effects it has on our children.
And remember those slogans; the river ahead will still have plentry of rapids and whirlpools . . .
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
Originally Posted by concolor1 
I'm still struggling with these smiley things, too . . .
Lessee here . . . Nope, I got an error message. Time was that would ruin my whole morning (I'm just up with a bit of insomnia that some warm milk will nuke nicely if I need it).
Anyway, let the journey begin . . . One "authority" I really like on the subject of recovery is Terry Gorski, who contributed mightily to "relapse prevention" models of treatment . . .
He proposed what he called a "mutual coexistence" pact where both parties agree on only one condition to the relationship (so long as sobriety is being maintained; a "wet" relapse voids all agreements), and that is to commit to remaining in it for a reasonable period, say one year . . .
Honest, that's about all most newly sober sorts can handle . . .
There's also an AA Grapevine article titled "How to Stay Married Though Sober" that's a classic . . . You might see if you can find a copy, or if you're still around in six months (and still together), leave me a note and I'll mail you a photo-copy (I keep an extra for people I sponsor, but I'll have to go look for it).
Congratulate yourself; you took some pretty heavy doses of reality from the folks here--and in the rehab, no doubt--and are hanging in so far. And regardless of whether the relationship works, I'm convinced you'll find what you learn here will be invaluable. Alcoholism is often a multi-generational pathological dysfunction, but we can at least mitigate the effects it has on our children.
And remember those slogans; the river ahead will still have plentry of rapids and whirlpools . . .
Lessee here . . . Nope, I got an error message. Time was that would ruin my whole morning (I'm just up with a bit of insomnia that some warm milk will nuke nicely if I need it).
Anyway, let the journey begin . . . One "authority" I really like on the subject of recovery is Terry Gorski, who contributed mightily to "relapse prevention" models of treatment . . .
He proposed what he called a "mutual coexistence" pact where both parties agree on only one condition to the relationship (so long as sobriety is being maintained; a "wet" relapse voids all agreements), and that is to commit to remaining in it for a reasonable period, say one year . . .
Honest, that's about all most newly sober sorts can handle . . .
There's also an AA Grapevine article titled "How to Stay Married Though Sober" that's a classic . . . You might see if you can find a copy, or if you're still around in six months (and still together), leave me a note and I'll mail you a photo-copy (I keep an extra for people I sponsor, but I'll have to go look for it).
Congratulate yourself; you took some pretty heavy doses of reality from the folks here--and in the rehab, no doubt--and are hanging in so far. And regardless of whether the relationship works, I'm convinced you'll find what you learn here will be invaluable. Alcoholism is often a multi-generational pathological dysfunction, but we can at least mitigate the effects it has on our children.
And remember those slogans; the river ahead will still have plentry of rapids and whirlpools . . .
I like how you phrase things, amazing post, thanks a lot.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
cuttlefish,
I'm glad to see your feeling happiness. I remember when my ex first went to rehab, I went through hail and storm on my motorcycle to make every famiy night. I remember when I got there, a guy who was visiting his sig other in rehab was angry at his sig other. I remember my gf and her mom talking about it and all of us (including myself) was upset at the guy thinking the guy is crazy mean.
It was 3 months later when I found myself at the same rehab in a big argument nearly screaming at my ex doing the same thing as the guy I had judged. hah! it was the last day I saw her, and it made me wonder... if the guy who was mad that one time was going through anything similar to what I went through. And I bet those that saw it thought I was some inconsiderate mean boyfriend. Thats destiny for you.
What I learned from this forum was invaluable, and I've been set free by the end of that journey.
These days I still struggle with not falling back into the codependant I am. Sometimes I see people out there who know nothing better in this world other then unhealthiness (like myself) and they are very needy and looking for a savior. Sometimes I just want to reach out and save everyone of them... sacrificing myself, and getting back into the entire drama filled confusion anxiety ridden lifestyle. I have to hold myself back from it is my challenge.
I hang out with my girlfriend to help, I'm like a wolf compared to her, she is like a bunny and I'm like a wolf that stepped out of my home wilderness to reside with the bunnys hahaaa
Many challenges yet to come... Loves always
I'm glad to see your feeling happiness. I remember when my ex first went to rehab, I went through hail and storm on my motorcycle to make every famiy night. I remember when I got there, a guy who was visiting his sig other in rehab was angry at his sig other. I remember my gf and her mom talking about it and all of us (including myself) was upset at the guy thinking the guy is crazy mean.
It was 3 months later when I found myself at the same rehab in a big argument nearly screaming at my ex doing the same thing as the guy I had judged. hah! it was the last day I saw her, and it made me wonder... if the guy who was mad that one time was going through anything similar to what I went through. And I bet those that saw it thought I was some inconsiderate mean boyfriend. Thats destiny for you.
What I learned from this forum was invaluable, and I've been set free by the end of that journey.
These days I still struggle with not falling back into the codependant I am. Sometimes I see people out there who know nothing better in this world other then unhealthiness (like myself) and they are very needy and looking for a savior. Sometimes I just want to reach out and save everyone of them... sacrificing myself, and getting back into the entire drama filled confusion anxiety ridden lifestyle. I have to hold myself back from it is my challenge.
I hang out with my girlfriend to help, I'm like a wolf compared to her, she is like a bunny and I'm like a wolf that stepped out of my home wilderness to reside with the bunnys hahaaa
Many challenges yet to come... Loves always
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Originally Posted by concolor1
... There's also an AA Grapevine article titled "How to Stay Married Though Sober" that's a classic . . . . . .
http://www.aagrapevine.org/da/browse...%3A1970_7&pg=3
It's #22 on the page. You'll need to get a subscription to download the article.
Mike
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: somewhere, some state
Posts: 48
"He proposed what he called a "mutual coexistence" pact where both parties agree on only one condition to the relationship (so long as sobriety is being maintained; a "wet" relapse voids all agreements), and that is to commit to remaining in it for a reasonable period, say one year . . .
Honest, that's about all most newly sober sorts can handle . . ."
Concolor, that guy you mentioned makes sense, and I googled him...his web site is really interesting. The 'mutual coexistence' thing is what I'm trying to do with A....you just had the right words for it.
I want to be there for him, and with him, and nothing more for now. I really think it helps that we live 2 hours apart...there is physical space, we can both do what we need to do, and visit and talk when we choose to. I think one of the best things I did was never agreeing to move in with him. I'm not the type to jump into things too fast, so I like the sort of wait and see aspect of a 'mutual coexistence'...and I'll bring that up with my A. Once he's done with rehab...I think its enough for now to have decided we will stay 'together' without deconstructing relationship issues.
Honest, that's about all most newly sober sorts can handle . . ."
Concolor, that guy you mentioned makes sense, and I googled him...his web site is really interesting. The 'mutual coexistence' thing is what I'm trying to do with A....you just had the right words for it.
I want to be there for him, and with him, and nothing more for now. I really think it helps that we live 2 hours apart...there is physical space, we can both do what we need to do, and visit and talk when we choose to. I think one of the best things I did was never agreeing to move in with him. I'm not the type to jump into things too fast, so I like the sort of wait and see aspect of a 'mutual coexistence'...and I'll bring that up with my A. Once he's done with rehab...I think its enough for now to have decided we will stay 'together' without deconstructing relationship issues.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: somewhere, some state
Posts: 48
codemaster, you're a wolf and your gf is a bunny? does she know your true nature? you must make a good wolf in bunny clothing then, to live with the bunnies. thats a cute analogy though!
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