Starting a New Job Soon
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 14
Starting a New Job Soon
Hi there folks,
I'm pretty sure that I'm an alcoholic. I have been steadily drinking everyday for the past 12 years, and things this past early January progressed to a new low, when I stayed up through the night and into the next day, drinking and using cocaine. I had used coke in college, and then I had totally kicked the habit, yet here I am at 30, using it more than ever. It's ridiculous! Now, I have more at stake, because I am engaged, and it's not just about me, making just myself miserable with my hangovers and withdrawl. I have another person to think about too, and how it affects him (he is not an alcoholic or an addict).
So - a little over a month ago, I went on two outrageous benders, two weekends in a row. The first one was over New Year's Eve, and I swore that I wouldn't do it again, but the next weekend, there was a birthday party for my friend, and I stayed up until 2pm the next day, drunk and strung out on coke. My fiance had left at 1am, and I didn't get back home until the next afternoon. Needless to say, he was disgusted with me, and I was also disgusted with myself. That was the day that I decided something needed to be done, and I went about one week sober, which to date, is the longest I have ever gone without a drink since I started drinking.
The thing is - I had never really tried sobriety, or "moderation." Despite reading all the warnings on here and at AA meetings, that one drink is too many, I still told myself that I needed to give myself a fair shot at moderation, because I have never really tried to regulate myself. Well - to make a long story kind of shorter - I'm not very good at moderation. I tend to forget that I'm supposed to be trying to moderate.
So - it's pretty damn clear from my "research" that I am out of control with this disease. Which sucks. Because I really will miss my old friend, wine. Wine makes me feel warm and fuzzy and good at night (which is a strong enough feeling that has the ablility to make me forget, night after night, how putrid I feel each morning.)
I just got offered a new job. A really good new job. A lot more money, and a lot more responsibility. I have a tendency to screw up jobs, because I am so often hungover, that I'll come up with any ridiculous excuse that I can think of about why I can't come in that day, or why I will be in late. It gets old after awhile, and people just start to think that I am full of crap. I don't think that any of my previous employers have been intuitive enough to realize that I'm an alcoholic though - I am pretty good at hiding it. At social, work functions, I will tend to decline drinks, as an act to try to make others think that I am "straight" and not interested in alcohol. I have a very good education, and a graduate degree, and I think that in lots of cases, that people naively don't imagine that a young girl, like myself, who is well educated, and from a "good" family, could possibly be an alcoholic.
So - my long-winded post is finally getting to it's point. I have this new job coming up. If I am hungover each morning, I am really going to screw it up. I need my head to be clear so that I can rise to the mental challenges that the new job is going to demand. I am so scared that I am going to screw this up, by getting too drunk at night, and feeling crappy each morning.
My plan is to go to an AA meeting every night after work, and then maybe to the gym some nights after the meeting. AA meetings do a pretty good job of making me not want to drink - although I do have to say that sometimes, after an hour of talking about alcohol, all I want to do is go buy some wine to decompress. Twisted, I know.
My question is this - do you guys think that trying to get sober because of a new job is not going to be a long term, viable solution to getting sober? I know that you have to do this for yourself, and yourself alone. People tell me that I can't get sober because I am doing it for someone else - for example, I can't be doing it because my fiance, or my mom wants me to - I have to do it because I want to do it. Is a new job, akin to getting sober for an outside reason? Am I setting up a bad foundation for myself here?
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading through all of this.
-Katie
I'm pretty sure that I'm an alcoholic. I have been steadily drinking everyday for the past 12 years, and things this past early January progressed to a new low, when I stayed up through the night and into the next day, drinking and using cocaine. I had used coke in college, and then I had totally kicked the habit, yet here I am at 30, using it more than ever. It's ridiculous! Now, I have more at stake, because I am engaged, and it's not just about me, making just myself miserable with my hangovers and withdrawl. I have another person to think about too, and how it affects him (he is not an alcoholic or an addict).
So - a little over a month ago, I went on two outrageous benders, two weekends in a row. The first one was over New Year's Eve, and I swore that I wouldn't do it again, but the next weekend, there was a birthday party for my friend, and I stayed up until 2pm the next day, drunk and strung out on coke. My fiance had left at 1am, and I didn't get back home until the next afternoon. Needless to say, he was disgusted with me, and I was also disgusted with myself. That was the day that I decided something needed to be done, and I went about one week sober, which to date, is the longest I have ever gone without a drink since I started drinking.
The thing is - I had never really tried sobriety, or "moderation." Despite reading all the warnings on here and at AA meetings, that one drink is too many, I still told myself that I needed to give myself a fair shot at moderation, because I have never really tried to regulate myself. Well - to make a long story kind of shorter - I'm not very good at moderation. I tend to forget that I'm supposed to be trying to moderate.
So - it's pretty damn clear from my "research" that I am out of control with this disease. Which sucks. Because I really will miss my old friend, wine. Wine makes me feel warm and fuzzy and good at night (which is a strong enough feeling that has the ablility to make me forget, night after night, how putrid I feel each morning.)
I just got offered a new job. A really good new job. A lot more money, and a lot more responsibility. I have a tendency to screw up jobs, because I am so often hungover, that I'll come up with any ridiculous excuse that I can think of about why I can't come in that day, or why I will be in late. It gets old after awhile, and people just start to think that I am full of crap. I don't think that any of my previous employers have been intuitive enough to realize that I'm an alcoholic though - I am pretty good at hiding it. At social, work functions, I will tend to decline drinks, as an act to try to make others think that I am "straight" and not interested in alcohol. I have a very good education, and a graduate degree, and I think that in lots of cases, that people naively don't imagine that a young girl, like myself, who is well educated, and from a "good" family, could possibly be an alcoholic.
So - my long-winded post is finally getting to it's point. I have this new job coming up. If I am hungover each morning, I am really going to screw it up. I need my head to be clear so that I can rise to the mental challenges that the new job is going to demand. I am so scared that I am going to screw this up, by getting too drunk at night, and feeling crappy each morning.
My plan is to go to an AA meeting every night after work, and then maybe to the gym some nights after the meeting. AA meetings do a pretty good job of making me not want to drink - although I do have to say that sometimes, after an hour of talking about alcohol, all I want to do is go buy some wine to decompress. Twisted, I know.
My question is this - do you guys think that trying to get sober because of a new job is not going to be a long term, viable solution to getting sober? I know that you have to do this for yourself, and yourself alone. People tell me that I can't get sober because I am doing it for someone else - for example, I can't be doing it because my fiance, or my mom wants me to - I have to do it because I want to do it. Is a new job, akin to getting sober for an outside reason? Am I setting up a bad foundation for myself here?
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading through all of this.
-Katie
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: syracuse,ny
Posts: 99
Congrats on your new job, I also will start one soon after losing my last one and my apartment and my dog by thinking i could moderately use crack. LOL . Your plan to be sober sounds good, your motivation also is right. Your life has become unmanageable because of your abuse. Addiction is progressive and yours is doing just that. You want to change and you can with some work. You know the way, just follow directions.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 98
Originally Posted by Katie30 
I'm pretty sure that I'm an alcoholic. I have been steadily drinking everyday for the past 12 years...
My question is this - do you guys think that trying to get sober because of a new job is not going to be a long term, viable solution to getting sober?
Will your plan for sobriety spill over to your days off work? I used to consider myself a "functioning alcoholic" because I thought I was successfully running a few businesses. I have come to discover that "functioning alcoholic" is an oxymoron and an impossible situation. It's a self-justificatory phrase that allowed me to avoid sobriety.
Congats on your new job! Whether or not it is sufficient to motivate you to long-term sobriety is entirely up to you. Perhaps the job willl act as a springboard for you to see the other infinate benefits of sobriety.
Earl
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Motives for recovery
Hi Katie30 and welcome.
You have already made progress with recovery by coming here. You have also made progress by sharing your thoughts with us. IF you keep coming here you will learn a lot about recovery and and learning is a good stepping stone to lasting recovery.
Wishing you well in your journey to recovery.
You have already made progress with recovery by coming here. You have also made progress by sharing your thoughts with us. IF you keep coming here you will learn a lot about recovery and and learning is a good stepping stone to lasting recovery.
Wishing you well in your journey to recovery.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,477
Hi Katie,
I'm glad you made the decision to stop drinking and congratulations on your new job. I think that stopping drinking for the sake of doing well in your new job, is a great start. But, I truly believe that I had to make big changes in myself and my life in order to stay sober. I needed to know what I was running way from and numbing my feelings from. I needed to deal with the parts of me that were hurting and broken and lost. So, it would be my suggestion that you use this time to take a good look at yourself and your life and see what you could change in order to stay sober.
I'm glad you made the decision to stop drinking and congratulations on your new job. I think that stopping drinking for the sake of doing well in your new job, is a great start. But, I truly believe that I had to make big changes in myself and my life in order to stay sober. I needed to know what I was running way from and numbing my feelings from. I needed to deal with the parts of me that were hurting and broken and lost. So, it would be my suggestion that you use this time to take a good look at yourself and your life and see what you could change in order to stay sober.
Im not crazy and neither am I
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: My place in (M)Assachusetts
Posts: 2,088
"My question is this - do you guys think that trying to get sober because of a new job is not going to be a long term, viable solution to getting sober? I know that you have to do this for yourself, and yourself alone."
I think this is MY problem. I tried to moderate.....
I cant really give any good advise as I am at great risk of losing a really great job. I had nearly a month of sobrety (not perfect) and I had sworn not to go out w people at work for drinks or anything else...
I failed - I got arrested and my truck has nearly $5k in dammages.
Im screwed and I have had to rely on other people including work people for rides - everywhere. Court,work, the grocery store EVeryWhere !!!!
I had not gotten to as many meetings as I had or what I needed.
I made the decision and now I am paying the price.
I hope u do better than me.
Im starting over again on day one !
I really dont count any other day.
Here's my theory on it....
If I get up at 5am and its not 5am again then I havent made it 24 hours.
Mabey Im still trying to work my OWN program or mabey Im stubborn (that I kno) but this is just how I look at it.
Anyway that's my story.......I hope it scares a little so that you have continued success in your life and career.
I think this is MY problem. I tried to moderate.....
I cant really give any good advise as I am at great risk of losing a really great job. I had nearly a month of sobrety (not perfect) and I had sworn not to go out w people at work for drinks or anything else...
I failed - I got arrested and my truck has nearly $5k in dammages.
Im screwed and I have had to rely on other people including work people for rides - everywhere. Court,work, the grocery store EVeryWhere !!!!
I had not gotten to as many meetings as I had or what I needed.
I made the decision and now I am paying the price.
I hope u do better than me.
Im starting over again on day one !
I really dont count any other day.
Here's my theory on it....
If I get up at 5am and its not 5am again then I havent made it 24 hours.
Mabey Im still trying to work my OWN program or mabey Im stubborn (that I kno) but this is just how I look at it.
Anyway that's my story.......I hope it scares a little so that you have continued success in your life and career.
Im not crazy and neither am I
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: My place in (M)Assachusetts
Posts: 2,088
Oh and the really important part for me is that I had serious doubts about getting back to work in what I knew to be a rough environment so soon after detox/rehab. I have learned a hard lesson but its not one that will go away in the near future.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Hi Katie.
Most of us need to work to survive. If you're an alcoholic, there will come a time where you can no longer hold a steady job. If not this job, another one.
If you think you're an alcoholic, getting and staying sober is the single most important thing in your life. Without sobriety, nothing else matters. Not a job, or marriage.
I ,and lot's of others, have found help in the romms of AA.
Good Luck and God Bless.
Most of us need to work to survive. If you're an alcoholic, there will come a time where you can no longer hold a steady job. If not this job, another one.
If you think you're an alcoholic, getting and staying sober is the single most important thing in your life. Without sobriety, nothing else matters. Not a job, or marriage.
I ,and lot's of others, have found help in the romms of AA.
Good Luck and God Bless.
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