i_love_cake

Well, I decided to meet with the ExAgf for lunch on Valentine's Day. Want to guess what she did? She never showed. I felt like such an ass. She sent me a text message later that night apologizing and claiming she was tied up doing other things. I spoke to her the following day and let loose with the verbal insults. I just couldn't hold back. She ruined Thanksgiving, X-mas, and New Year's with the same bs. Why in the world did I think this would be any different? Shame on me....

Mr. Christian

...Yes Same on you, move on cause "She Love Booze"

newenglandgirl

(((I love Cake)))
Listen, don't be so hard on yourself. It's not so crazy to think we can meet up with someone and have them show up! But the problem is, like Mr.Christian points out, her main priority (her life, really) is the bottle.
Move on. This girl has been given a lot of chances. She repeatedly proves herself unworthy of a man like you.

StandingStrong

Ya know, many of us here have done just that. We've given the A just "one more chance" to prove that "this time will be different".
I realized just recently that it was that small ember of hope that kept me trying and holding on so long. But I've also come to realize that there is a difference in hoping that they'll change - versus - living on that hope. I choose to not live on that hope anymore.

So, you did what you always do and you gave her another chance.....and you got the same result.

Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired yet?

parentrecovers

addicts lie and are selfish and unreilable. they just are, it's the disease controlling. sorry about the dissapointment. i know it is very painful. blessings, k

lilac

(((Hugs))) Don't be so hard on yourself. Addicts of any sort lie, it's what they do. We just have to set boundaries when we are ready.

atalose

because we always think each time is going to be different. We want to beleive each time is going to be different. Next time you be the one to do something different and just don't show up.
Dissapointment is a way of life with involved with an addict or alcoholic and the quicker we learn and understand that the better we are prepared to handle it.
She's an ex keep it that way, keep yourself sane.

FormerDoormat

When your ex-partner ruins Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve, and yet you still invite her out to dinner for Valentine's Day, what do you call that?

Self-torture.

Instead of getting upset over what your ex-girlfriend is doing or not doing, how about devoting some time to figuring out why you torture yourself in this way. Just a suggestion....

i_love_cake

I'll correct a few things here. It was LUNCH and I have/had no other motive than to see how things were going in her life. I apologize for not being able to completely sever all ties with a woman I was a relationship for four years. I promise to be a tad more bitter and cold in the future.

Self-torture would be marrying AND having children with an A. Self-torture would be enduring years of verbal/physical abuse, financial ruin, and social ridicule. I guess I dodged a bullet.

FormerDoormat

Self-torture is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Like expecting an active alcoholic to put you first. It doesn't work that way. She was with her one true love on Valentine's Day--alcohol. That's why she stood you up.

prodigal

No need to apologize for not severing all ties for her. You want ties with her, that's your choice. You see what it got you - diddly-squat. You appear angry at FD's response, you also appear to be angry with your ex for standing you up. Take it from the Queen of Rage here .... I almost killed myself getting p.o.d when someone didn't give me the response I wanted. I was shooting myself in the foot by expecting everybody to say what I wanted them to say and do what I expected them to do.

Nobody is suggesting you be cold or nasty or indifferent to your ex. Just detach. I think it's okay that you wanted to check in with her to see how she was doing. She certainly didn't give a good cahoot what was going on with you by virtue of her not having the time to bother showing up.

Like it or not, as FD said, she was with her first and true love - booze. And self-torture can be having any expectations from an A. You don't have to get married and make babies with an A to get your heart stomped on.

best

If "I" decided to step into a boxing ring, I have two choices... get beat up or defend myself. So no matter what happens in that ring... it is of my own doing.

Now the other thing I am wondering...
Is she and Ex or not?
Maybe a soon to be or an almost Ex?

By doing the same thing over and over and getting the same results each time...
You don't need be married and having children to feel the full torture you are putting on yourself.

What is the difference between bad mouthing her after the fact for doing just what you know she would do vs telling her to her face that what you are allowing her to do is hurting you? Blaming her for what you allow her to do is in a sense being rude to her, even if her actions deserve being brought out.