What do you do?
No more merlot, more mamma
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
What do you do?
I had a bad day, emotionally yesterday.
A bad conversation with A, the one I love...I want to be with her so badly, she's taking her time to make up her mind (like a normal person thinks) and I actually WALKED four blocks in the snowstorm with the wind whipping in my face to get to the package store. Which was closed. Cause there was a REALLY BAD SNOW STORM. Any sane person was in side their warm house!!!
I felt stupid, and relieved, and sad, and resigned. What if that store was open? I would've gotten a bottle of wine, at three in the afternoon and been crocked by 6.
So, my question is: what do you do when life hands you some bad news? What tools can you use to handle it without drinking?
Thanks to all..
M
A bad conversation with A, the one I love...I want to be with her so badly, she's taking her time to make up her mind (like a normal person thinks) and I actually WALKED four blocks in the snowstorm with the wind whipping in my face to get to the package store. Which was closed. Cause there was a REALLY BAD SNOW STORM. Any sane person was in side their warm house!!!
I felt stupid, and relieved, and sad, and resigned. What if that store was open? I would've gotten a bottle of wine, at three in the afternoon and been crocked by 6.
So, my question is: what do you do when life hands you some bad news? What tools can you use to handle it without drinking?
Thanks to all..
M
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi and I understand how you feel. I've been there. I used to think that alcohol was the only way to deal with any problem. So, I felt completely ill-equipped to handle anything. Take small steps. Each time you get through a problem without drinking, you will get stronger. I think it's the only way to do it. Gain confidence by getting through it.
You can always come here and post about something, or call someone to talk to. We are here to offer support.
You can always come here and post about something, or call someone to talk to. We are here to offer support.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: MAINE USA
Posts: 312
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 595
Karen64,
"Men and women drink essentially for the ease and comfort that the first drink provides for them." The problem is, that when the booze wears off, the problems still exist. The key for me was to find that same ease and comfort somewhere else besides at the bottom of a bottle. Through AA I found that sense of ease and comfort. The difference?...the ease and comfort I found through AA lasts much longer than the effects of a bottle ever did. There is a promise that AA makes to those who sincerely try..."We will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us."
Remember, "God don't make no junk!"
"Men and women drink essentially for the ease and comfort that the first drink provides for them." The problem is, that when the booze wears off, the problems still exist. The key for me was to find that same ease and comfort somewhere else besides at the bottom of a bottle. Through AA I found that sense of ease and comfort. The difference?...the ease and comfort I found through AA lasts much longer than the effects of a bottle ever did. There is a promise that AA makes to those who sincerely try..."We will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us."
Remember, "God don't make no junk!"
No more merlot, more mamma
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Thank you
Today, A came over. She brought with her some books from AA. I've started to read them. I realize that I am in Step 1. I"m reading and rereading Step 2. I'm finally ready. No matter what happens with my relationship with her, I am finally ready to get healthy. I've realized how selfish I have been, towards everyone I love. I used to think I was a giving, good person, but when it came down to it, I was fooling myself. I've hurt her terribly. And I've probably hurt many more people than just her. And myself.
Life without drinking is seeming to be possible now. I have to find a meeting!
My countdown to sobriety starts NOW.
Life without drinking is seeming to be possible now. I have to find a meeting!
My countdown to sobriety starts NOW.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 595
Merlot,
So glad you've starting reading the BB. I would suggest that you read the Doctor's Opinion right before Bill's Story. I also plead with you that you get a sponsor who can guide you through the book and steps. I've not seen any happing endings when people try to work the program or interpret the book by themselves. If you're already in the process of finding a sponsor, then forgive me.
Let me remind you that your are a good person, you've just been overtaken by a terrible disease. You certainly would be kind to a person with Cancer, so be kind to yourself because you also have a teminal disease if left untreated.
In the very near future you may start asking yourself if you're doing each step the right way. You'll get many opinions about how to work the steps, but the only one you have to work perfectly is Step 1. You must be absolutely convinced that you are powerless over alcohol, that your life has become unmanageable. Any lingering thoughts that you might be able to drink again will undoubtedly come back to haunt you.
Above all, remember that this all takes time. You may become anxious that things are happening fast enough or that you aren't feeling good enough. From my experience God's plan for each of us may be different. By allowing Him to set the timetable for your recovery will be very beneficial. Don't compare your own progress with anyone else's progress. With each new day you may take a few steps forward and a few steps back. That's to be expected.
In one of the stories in the back of the book there is talk about expectations. It states that the level of your serenity is inversely proportional to the level of your expectations. In other words, keep your expectations realistic and somewhat low right now. By low I don't mean not to expect progress, just don't expect too much too soon. By keeping this attitude you will be amazed at how calm and peaceful your life will become. My own serenity has been interrupted over the years by having unrealistic expectations of others.
Be safe Merlot, God is always ready to grab your hand if you hold it out for Him to grab. By the way, we are too.
So glad you've starting reading the BB. I would suggest that you read the Doctor's Opinion right before Bill's Story. I also plead with you that you get a sponsor who can guide you through the book and steps. I've not seen any happing endings when people try to work the program or interpret the book by themselves. If you're already in the process of finding a sponsor, then forgive me.
Let me remind you that your are a good person, you've just been overtaken by a terrible disease. You certainly would be kind to a person with Cancer, so be kind to yourself because you also have a teminal disease if left untreated.
In the very near future you may start asking yourself if you're doing each step the right way. You'll get many opinions about how to work the steps, but the only one you have to work perfectly is Step 1. You must be absolutely convinced that you are powerless over alcohol, that your life has become unmanageable. Any lingering thoughts that you might be able to drink again will undoubtedly come back to haunt you.
Above all, remember that this all takes time. You may become anxious that things are happening fast enough or that you aren't feeling good enough. From my experience God's plan for each of us may be different. By allowing Him to set the timetable for your recovery will be very beneficial. Don't compare your own progress with anyone else's progress. With each new day you may take a few steps forward and a few steps back. That's to be expected.
In one of the stories in the back of the book there is talk about expectations. It states that the level of your serenity is inversely proportional to the level of your expectations. In other words, keep your expectations realistic and somewhat low right now. By low I don't mean not to expect progress, just don't expect too much too soon. By keeping this attitude you will be amazed at how calm and peaceful your life will become. My own serenity has been interrupted over the years by having unrealistic expectations of others.
Be safe Merlot, God is always ready to grab your hand if you hold it out for Him to grab. By the way, we are too.
. I'm so happy for you. You are at a great place right now... the rest of your life w/o alcohol & the problems it causes.
Hope3
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
Hi merlotmamma, I have a similar story to yours. I realized, after being told numerous times that I had a drinking problem (alcoholic). My lover pretty much said that she was afraid that my problem would eventually end our 16 year relationship, (16 years at that time) This April will make it 18.
I knew I had to quit, not just to keep her, but to live freely, healthy, happier and hopefully longer than if I kept drinking.....
It was hardest the first week...and the 30th day, I'm on day 80 of sobriety, and it keeps getting better... It can't be just about not drinking.
Your question was what do you do when bad news comes along, well you learn how to come up with solutions instead of drowning them with alcohol, which doesn't solve anything anyway.. Easy said, I know, but it is a work in progress, but once you start this process it starts to become habit. I can tell you it also is much more gratifying to solve problems, rather than drowning it with alcohol...
You said that this is one last thing you need to change. Not true, an alcoholic usually can't lead a happy life just by not drinking, an alcoholic really has to change the way they look at things, the way they do things, what they eat and so on....It's a process, not a quick one either, but hey it's worth it right?
I think you are on the right track with A.A. and I would also strongly suggest getting the book "Under the Influence" because when you want to recover from any illness or addiction, you first must fully understand what you are dealing with, this book will enlighten you on what alcoholism is and also what it is not...
I've learned alot in my 80 days of sobriety, but I have so much more to learn...My relationship along with my sobriety is getting stronger everyday, and I hope things get better for you, P.S.
Quote merlotmamma: "I want to be with her so badly, she's taking her time to make up her mind. "
If you focus on your recovery, what you want will have a better chance of happening, Huh? Best wishes, hope3.
I knew I had to quit, not just to keep her, but to live freely, healthy, happier and hopefully longer than if I kept drinking.....
It was hardest the first week...and the 30th day, I'm on day 80 of sobriety, and it keeps getting better... It can't be just about not drinking.
Your question was what do you do when bad news comes along, well you learn how to come up with solutions instead of drowning them with alcohol, which doesn't solve anything anyway.. Easy said, I know, but it is a work in progress, but once you start this process it starts to become habit. I can tell you it also is much more gratifying to solve problems, rather than drowning it with alcohol...
You said that this is one last thing you need to change. Not true, an alcoholic usually can't lead a happy life just by not drinking, an alcoholic really has to change the way they look at things, the way they do things, what they eat and so on....It's a process, not a quick one either, but hey it's worth it right?
I think you are on the right track with A.A. and I would also strongly suggest getting the book "Under the Influence" because when you want to recover from any illness or addiction, you first must fully understand what you are dealing with, this book will enlighten you on what alcoholism is and also what it is not...
I've learned alot in my 80 days of sobriety, but I have so much more to learn...My relationship along with my sobriety is getting stronger everyday, and I hope things get better for you, P.S.
Quote merlotmamma: "I want to be with her so badly, she's taking her time to make up her mind. "
If you focus on your recovery, what you want will have a better chance of happening, Huh? Best wishes, hope3.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
