Help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Twin Cities, Minnesota
Posts: 15
Help
The first weekend I posted here, it was my intention not to drink, but I did. The following weekend I abstained (this past weekend). But today, Monday, I went to the liquor store.
I was on the bus going home and there were two people talking about AA. This made me think of drinking -- even more than I already was. Which reminds me, AA meetings do nothing but make me think of drinking. I can't stop. I don't drink all the time. Not every day -- thank god anxiety doesn't allow me to, but I'm not happy unless I'm drunk. I can't even smile or laugh unless I'm drunk. Now I'll probably miss work tomorrow. Not a big deal, I'm not gonna get fired.
How do you quit? I've been to treatment...when I 16, a long time ago. Both my mom and dad have been to treatment ... I grew up in AA. I'm an atheist.
I don't believe in hire powers -- except alcohol. Jesus christ! I've got a problem. I know I do. But what the hell do you do. What can be done before you hit bottom, before you lose everything?
Someone talk some sense into me... be brutal. I hate everything
Gomez
I was on the bus going home and there were two people talking about AA. This made me think of drinking -- even more than I already was. Which reminds me, AA meetings do nothing but make me think of drinking. I can't stop. I don't drink all the time. Not every day -- thank god anxiety doesn't allow me to, but I'm not happy unless I'm drunk. I can't even smile or laugh unless I'm drunk. Now I'll probably miss work tomorrow. Not a big deal, I'm not gonna get fired.
How do you quit? I've been to treatment...when I 16, a long time ago. Both my mom and dad have been to treatment ... I grew up in AA. I'm an atheist.
I don't believe in hire powers -- except alcohol. Jesus christ! I've got a problem. I know I do. But what the hell do you do. What can be done before you hit bottom, before you lose everything?
Someone talk some sense into me... be brutal. I hate everything
Gomez
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
gomez stick around long enough til you wont think of drinking gomez...
first... for me, thats what i had to work on... big time...
it was alcoholism clog'n up my nog'n...
the twisted, contorted thinking...
anger issues... why was i angry... ppfftt, cuz my life sucked...
it was all of my making... i put conditions on myself, and life... had to change that too...
gomez, what worked for me ... changing the internals of my being... and that my friend... takes work... balls, and a huge willingness...
try this... forget everything you have learned... start fresh... try a new angle... and thats for you to find...
just keep trying... its alcoholism... not alcoholwasum
as always... all good wishes...
ohoh, and find a new power greater then alcohol...
a life sober...
xxoo, zip
there were two people talking about AA. This made me think of drinking
first...
I'm not happy unless I'm drunk.
it was alcoholism clog'n up my nog'n...
the twisted, contorted thinking...
I hate everything
it was all of my making... i put conditions on myself, and life... had to change that too...
gomez, what worked for me ... changing the internals of my being... and that my friend... takes work... balls, and a huge willingness...
try this... forget everything you have learned... start fresh... try a new angle... and thats for you to find...
just keep trying... its alcoholism... not alcoholwasum
as always... all good wishes...
ohoh, and find a new power greater then alcohol...
a life sober...
xxoo, zip
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi Gomez,
I understand how lost you feel at the moment. It's unbelievable what addiction can do to our minds. But, you can stop and live the life you choose. Take a look around the forums and read and learn. There is lots of information and support here.
I understand how lost you feel at the moment. It's unbelievable what addiction can do to our minds. But, you can stop and live the life you choose. Take a look around the forums and read and learn. There is lots of information and support here.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi again...Welcome back!
Here is a link with various recovery programs
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
Perhaps this will help you find a way to stay sober.
Take care
Here is a link with various recovery programs
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
Perhaps this will help you find a way to stay sober.
Take care
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 98
Self contradiction (e.g. "That animal is both a cat and not a cat") should be sufficient reason to ask one's self some hard questions (e.g. "Is is both a cat and not a cat because I'm nuts?").
I don't think you're nuts, but I sure hear that familiar voice of the alcoholic in you. I lived with those self-contradictions for over two decades.
For instance: alcohol makes you happy but you are here because you think you have a problem. Real, inner happiness is never a problematic.
You don't believe in higher powers but you consider alcohol to be a higher power. As long as you continue to succumb to alcoholism, you are right: you have ceded all your powers to something you cannot control.
AA won't toss you out for being an atheist. I know a LOT of people in AA and, being an atheist myself, nobody has ever tried to proselytize me into accepting religion.
I was only able to seriously entertain a sober life when I accepted (at least) the following:
i. Alcohol causes me more misery than happiness. I may seem to laugh more when I'm drunk, but I'm laughing at things that amuse other drunks which really aren't amusing. Watch a group of drunks when you're sober, and you'll understand. It was the alcohol laughing, not me;
ii. I am powerless over alcohol as long as I succumb to the temptation to drink. If I truly want control (i.e. power) in my life, I have to surrender to the fact that I'm an out-of-control addict. I won't let my addiction get the better of me any more.
As 51anna suggested, have a good, long, look at the threads around here. You aren't alone in "hating everything," and you can be sure that most of us have experienced similar loathing. We're here because we realize that the hatred does NOT have to be a way of life. There IS a better way.
Best of luck and please keep us posted. You'll find a lot of help, support, and unconditional acceptance here.
Earl
I don't think you're nuts, but I sure hear that familiar voice of the alcoholic in you. I lived with those self-contradictions for over two decades.
For instance: alcohol makes you happy but you are here because you think you have a problem. Real, inner happiness is never a problematic.
You don't believe in higher powers but you consider alcohol to be a higher power. As long as you continue to succumb to alcoholism, you are right: you have ceded all your powers to something you cannot control.
AA won't toss you out for being an atheist. I know a LOT of people in AA and, being an atheist myself, nobody has ever tried to proselytize me into accepting religion.
I was only able to seriously entertain a sober life when I accepted (at least) the following:
i. Alcohol causes me more misery than happiness. I may seem to laugh more when I'm drunk, but I'm laughing at things that amuse other drunks which really aren't amusing. Watch a group of drunks when you're sober, and you'll understand. It was the alcohol laughing, not me;
ii. I am powerless over alcohol as long as I succumb to the temptation to drink. If I truly want control (i.e. power) in my life, I have to surrender to the fact that I'm an out-of-control addict. I won't let my addiction get the better of me any more.
As 51anna suggested, have a good, long, look at the threads around here. You aren't alone in "hating everything," and you can be sure that most of us have experienced similar loathing. We're here because we realize that the hatred does NOT have to be a way of life. There IS a better way.
Best of luck and please keep us posted. You'll find a lot of help, support, and unconditional acceptance here.
Earl
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Bella Vista, Ar
Posts: 50
Remember it is only Tuesday, we are not going to get better by Thursday. Don't worry about the Higher Power thing, it is a stumbling block for many but not a roadblock. When you decide you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it you are ready to take certain steps.
If you decide to check out AA you can use that for a HP, or maybe one of our many slogans. It doesn't necessarily have to be God. Once you realize that alcohol is controling you and you want to stop that is the first step.
Glad you are here
Scoty
If you decide to check out AA you can use that for a HP, or maybe one of our many slogans. It doesn't necessarily have to be God. Once you realize that alcohol is controling you and you want to stop that is the first step.
Glad you are here
Scoty
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Twin Cities, Minnesota
Posts: 15
Hi,
Just wanted to thank everyone for the thoughtful responses. They're appreciated.
I need to cut this short, though. I'm going to head to bed and start over tomorrow.
Again, thanks,
Gomez
Just wanted to thank everyone for the thoughtful responses. They're appreciated.
I need to cut this short, though. I'm going to head to bed and start over tomorrow.
Again, thanks,
Gomez
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