cross your fingers

Old 02-04-2007, 02:15 PM
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cross your fingers

well, the abf has made it past 4 weeks drug free, one week sober, and got paid...I was sure he would head out the night he got paid, if nothing else to go drinking.

I think the DUI from last week really freaked him out and he realized that he was just heading down a tube he didn't want to head down.

I know that alcohol is still considered a drug and that the fact is, if he is drinking he is not clean, but honestly, gotta thank god for improvements...no drugs is a great first step, although yes, I agree, as long as he is drinking, even in a minor way, he is active and at risk.

Having said that...

he just left and we had a really, really, great time. four weeks clean and he is finally getting back to himself. it is amazing the difference that not doing drugs makes.

He said the most interesting thing, he said that as soon as I stopped being angry at him about the whole thing, and detaching, etc (as in what al-anon teaches us) he stopped just seeing it as me being bitchy but rather as him hurting me and him having to deal with his own anger at himself. I mean, it was as if he was quoting right out of an al-anon pamphlet. I was floored! I never thought that going to al-anon back in december would result in me having such a turn-around and that it would actually effect him.

There was a moment when he went out to his car to smoke a cigarette last night when I thought, okay, if he takes off, so be it. I did not look out the window to see, I did not sit and fret, but rather just went about my business and 5 minutes later he was back again.

That made me think about what a long road back to trust it will be, but we seem to have made a big leap. Now he has to pick up his pieces, work on staying clean, continue working on sobriety. I think giving up on the alcohol will be harder than the drugs, I mean you can go anywhere to drink, get it anywhere, etc.

My dad, sober 38 years, went off to a meeting the other day and I asked my mom if he goes because he needs it to stay sober and if he struggles with sobriety anymore. She doesn't think drinking is a big issue for him, but it is more dealing with the dry-drunk behavior. Then I made a comment that he wouldn't even know where there was a bar in town (he got lost the other day driving from the post-office to his bank, the guy is a space case) and she said "Believe me, if he wanted to drink he would be able to find a bar in 5 seconds." And I thought to myself, those of us involved with these people will always have it sitting there somewhere, in the back of our heads, that at any minute they could just go right back.

I pray that the abf and I can keep on our paths to recovery.

You guys have been a life saver, no doubt about that. I love you all. I'll keep you updated (of course, I mean, how can I resist?)

Last edited by oneeyeopen; 02-04-2007 at 02:34 PM.
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Old 02-04-2007, 02:22 PM
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Hi Oneeyeopen. Sounds like you've had a nice calm period in the storm. That's always welcome. Have the things you do together changed now that he is not drinking/using?
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Old 02-04-2007, 03:02 PM
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New england girl, it is true that the first thing they tell you when you get out of rehab is that you have to change your playground. So, despite the fact you love the burgers at some pub, you just can not go there anymore. my abf and I have talked about this, his social life is so tied up with drinking, I keep saying there are movies, there are other types of restaurants where you can get just as good food but they are not associated with his drinking or drug use, we did go out this weekend to a new place for that reason. But, mostly, we just spend more time here at my place together, whereas before he would come by, go out to a pub, talk to me on the phone while he ate and drank, and then he would end up disappearing.

It's certainly a journey to deal with an addict. good luck to you
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