Nice guys versus slippery guys.........
Forum Leader
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: trail of discovery
Posts: 2,472
Slippery guys know just what to say to please us.... manipulation is their business.
Nice guys wouldn't try to trick you.....so maybe they are as appealing at first as they probably are some average guy just out doing average things that don't seem as exciting.
Just my thought on it!!
Nice guys wouldn't try to trick you.....so maybe they are as appealing at first as they probably are some average guy just out doing average things that don't seem as exciting.
Just my thought on it!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: By the sea
Posts: 415
Great question. Important too.
Realized the other day how many "nice" guys I have rejected. How all the guys I let into my life have been addicts with personality issues. WTF!!!
Could it be something as "simple" as familiar patterns? Do we seek out what we subconsiously feel "comfortable" with (childhood stuff)?
Realized the other day how many "nice" guys I have rejected. How all the guys I let into my life have been addicts with personality issues. WTF!!!
Could it be something as "simple" as familiar patterns? Do we seek out what we subconsiously feel "comfortable" with (childhood stuff)?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Add to the pattern of "knowing" this lifestyle to:
Nice guys dont normally need to be fixed. I have recently been dating quite a bit and still to this day when dating a "nice guy" or what I call healthy ... there is nothing to fix which is abnormal for me... so it uncomfortable at times and Im unsure how to respond....
Practice makes perfect though, I just try to go into the date with no expectations and that seems to help.
Nice guys dont normally need to be fixed. I have recently been dating quite a bit and still to this day when dating a "nice guy" or what I call healthy ... there is nothing to fix which is abnormal for me... so it uncomfortable at times and Im unsure how to respond....
Practice makes perfect though, I just try to go into the date with no expectations and that seems to help.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
yeah....ugh!!! needs a big look inside, eh?
i also have feelings of unworthiness, less than, not as good as, could never measure up to, second class citizen........yech!!!!
so the slippery ones, become the bad boys, and the bad boys become very attractive and seductive, cause then i don't have to deal with myself.
i also have feelings of unworthiness, less than, not as good as, could never measure up to, second class citizen........yech!!!!
so the slippery ones, become the bad boys, and the bad boys become very attractive and seductive, cause then i don't have to deal with myself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
I have an analogy that comes to my mind... When I go shopping for a high quality item... the store does not have to use alot of promotional ads to get my attention. There may be no bells or whistles needed to attract me. A lesser 'quality' product needs a good deal of promotions- maybe some false promises too! jmho It's about an image that does not reflect reality. Sadly- too many codies of both genders tend to fall for the image or 'dream' because of a 'need' to fix or low self esteem- or maybe it's just doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. It doesn't have to be that way!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
well, i'd love to find one that was just that, cave. at my age, all the good ones seem to be taken.
in the mean time, i'm just really enjoying life's little perks.....i do miss all the good stuff of a relationship.....in time, in time.
in the mean time, i'm just really enjoying life's little perks.....i do miss all the good stuff of a relationship.....in time, in time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: By the sea
Posts: 415
That's exactly how I've felt too when I've dated "nice" guys. Hmmm. What's going on with us? I've also begun to notice some detrimental thinking I do...just beginning to recognize this...when I see a guy I think looks "yummy" I've caught myself thinking he's "too good" for me. I wonder what I am tapping into? I never thought I had low self-esteem. But apparently I got lots of work to do
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
OH Cat T I really REALLY relate.
After my last relationship crashed and burned, I took a break. I didn't date at all or have any interest in it for 6 months. I used that time to do some serious introspection and healing... and a fair amount of journaling. What was it about the 'bad boys' that attracted me? What need did it fill in me? Where did I get the message that I wasn't OK unless I had a man in my life?? I was just doggone tired of being with the same exact man in different skin over and over and OVER again.... only to wake up and say, SH*T I did it again. I thought this time it would be different. I finally figured out that the common denominator in all those relationships was ME.
After my 6 month hiatus, I recently met and started dating a NICE man. He's pretty normal, and certainly not the type I would have chosen or been with before. More importantly, I don't think I would have ATTRACTED this kind of man before!
I don't have all the answers, but I know for sure that when I concentrated on healing myself, I got better, stronger, healthier - and I find that I have more people like that in my life now - better, stronger, healthier friends and significant others. So - I intend to stay on this track, because I know if I go back on the other track I will get derailed pretty quickly.
LOVE and hugs
Cat PJ
After my last relationship crashed and burned, I took a break. I didn't date at all or have any interest in it for 6 months. I used that time to do some serious introspection and healing... and a fair amount of journaling. What was it about the 'bad boys' that attracted me? What need did it fill in me? Where did I get the message that I wasn't OK unless I had a man in my life?? I was just doggone tired of being with the same exact man in different skin over and over and OVER again.... only to wake up and say, SH*T I did it again. I thought this time it would be different. I finally figured out that the common denominator in all those relationships was ME.
After my 6 month hiatus, I recently met and started dating a NICE man. He's pretty normal, and certainly not the type I would have chosen or been with before. More importantly, I don't think I would have ATTRACTED this kind of man before!
I don't have all the answers, but I know for sure that when I concentrated on healing myself, I got better, stronger, healthier - and I find that I have more people like that in my life now - better, stronger, healthier friends and significant others. So - I intend to stay on this track, because I know if I go back on the other track I will get derailed pretty quickly.
LOVE and hugs
Cat PJ
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
As I am "broken" (yet on the road to recovery) I tend to attract other broken souls. I had often wondered why I always attracted cowards and liars...until I realized those are aspects of myself I needed to address. As an alcoholic myself, I lived in fear behind a big old ego-fabricated dishonest facade. I attracted a reflection of myself. If I continue to rigourously face fear and show love...if I continue to live in truth and express who I am rather than who I used to "think" I should be...I have strong suspicion those "bad boys" will lose their attraction. I'm actually certain of it.
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